Roll Call 187

That sounds really scary, Kit. I hope it subsides soon.

I don’t feel good. I think it’s the perphenazine withdrawal. I feel anxious and feel like I’m on the verge of having psychosis. Reality just doesn’t feel real.

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Is it bad to be on 3 APs. One of them is just low dose for sleep. My doctor thinks it’s fine if it’s what helps me and I’m not havigg my side effects. And her supervisor psychiatrist thinks it’s fine

I’m thinking of starting the perphenazine again. I feel very strange

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I've been getting those impulses since my whole life I guess. They were intense to shadowy and we're non verbal impulses, to jump in front of the subway trains, etc. I used to hug the pillars.

We're still locked down. I'm so worried they won't resume resident smoking priveleges. I misspelled that but the stupid keyboard won't tell me the correct spelling. I have to go to the eye docs and oral surgeon asap but if they're going to quarantine me for another two weeks I don't know what to do.

I hope everyone will feel better soon. Lots of hugs and .

Idk, but it sounds like a large amount of ap's for sleeping. I'm feeling anxious about meds and dosages etc.

Can you try sleeping without it? You'll need a good self care therapy box for the initial insomnia. Have you ever tried melatonin? :

The other APs are not for sleeping, they're for psychosis and mania

The perphenazine is not for sleep, neither is the abilify injection. Those are for my psychotic symptoms and previous manic episodes. The thorazine is for sleep

I feel so ****ing agitated I just want to rip my own skin off

I feel really scared lately. Mostly about my friend dying. I don't know what to do. And my mom, and living here. I'm just waiting to die. There's no other way to put it.

Yes, I know. But you're on all three. If one is only for sleep I'm thinking I wouldn't want to take it then. If it were me I'd probably rather try over the counter stuff.

And it looks like I just lost September with the last two weeks and current two weeks being locked down.

I want to go sit on the lawn outside. He's getting his stuff put in storage. He's leaving the apartment. I won't ever have a place to go again.

OTC hasn't worked for me, that's the problem. And why I'm on the thorazine for sleep. The abilify hypes me up so much that I physically can not sleep, I don't need sleep, I don't get tired. In addition to that I've also tried trazodone which I had a weird reaction to, and benadryl, and zzzquil, melatonin, there's another one but I forget the name of it etc. My insurance won't cover sleep meds either so that's also not an option. Thius the thorazine. And I'm stuck on these damn meds that made me gain weight, I'm pissed about that. Every time I try getting off any of them I end up with psychotic symptoms, agitation, and not sleeping for days.

I'm sorry, I'm not angry, I'm just tired of this and feeling very agitated. I spent the whole night up contemplating . I got 2 hours of broken sleep last night and got a 30 minute nap today.

I'm sorry you're feeling that way I feel like that about my sister, worrying about her dying, because she's really the only family I have left.

I hope things get better for you there

I'm sorry Angelique

I just have to push through these withdrawals somehow

I'm just going to put on a podcast and play some animal crossing to distract myself

I'm sorry. I don't think I've had sleep issues since my psychotic sleep hallucinations. I get that you have no good alternatives right now.

I'm sorry you're going through that too.

When I used to get exercise when I was working, I felt my healthiest. That would be either a long walk home or before that, swimming. Anyway, I had no problems with my sleep in that time of my life. I was a lot happier then.

Lately the Moon has been really big and visible through my windows at night. So grateful for that.

I'm grateful for everyone on roll call. And I'm grateful my nausea is gone.

Yeah I'm hoping to hear from that vocational rehabilitation program my care manager helped me apply to, so that way I can get a part-time job and be more active.

In the meantime, the treadmill here on the 3rd floor isn't working, so I'll have to start getting outside and take some walks

I'm grateful for everyone too, glad your nausea is gone

sorry about my ranting earlier I have just been struggling since I stopped the perphenazine. But I think I can push through

Sometimes it’s the simple things that we seem really appreciative for.

I know you’re struggling so much. I really do and it reminds me of why I stopped my meds multiple times (even the main time) throughout my sickness (weight gain, too many prescriptions, etc).

What I CAN tell you is that, I really had to accept myself, the way I looked, as far as weight gain goes, in order to stay on meds. My whole reason for stopping meds was either weight gain or sleeping too much. It’s weird because I thought it would be like something different that I had to accept, but accepting my weight really actually kept me on my meds and kept me doing so much better than I was before. and staying on my meds consistently has helped me be a stable as I have been these last three years more than any other time in my life! I’m only on two meds an antidepressant and an antipsychotic but I had to accept that the strongest med of them all really is the best one for me even though it makes me sleep a lot. I just had to take out a lot (a lot!) of time for self-care and I had to turn down events and situations and not let people get to me when they would judge me about my sleep schedule and my health.

With that said though the fact that you are even exercising is a step away ahead than what I think most people do and that is just the most amazing thing! It’s hard but I learned to except my limits and my abilities to do certain things which is not the same as normal people. I try to exercise as I can and I try to leave my house and do things as I can.

I think part of me in the past also was very in denial about having a disability even though I knew I had a disability which is weird. But I had to realize that I do have limits and I do have some things that I just can’t do and that’s OK!

I hope this helps.

Thank you so much Newtus!! I’m happy to hear you’ve been doing well! I And you’re definitely right. I do need to accept my weight, myself, and my meds. I downloaded an app called I Am Sober, it’s an app for any kind of addictive type thing such as eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, cutting, etc. I don’t have problems with the latter ones but the eating disorder is definitely an issue. Anyway, it tracks the days, hours, and minutes you abstain from eating disorder behaviors. Unfortunately I ended up using an ED behavior tonight. I am tracking my recovery now though, I reset my progress and am going to try to stick with it. I don’t want to waste years of my life away worrying about/obsessing about weight constantly. The meds do help. I am going to stay on the abilify injection, Thorazine, my ADs, and mood stabilizer.

Again, thank you so much, you’re a wonderful friend. And I hope you start feeling better too in regards to your pregnancy , sui thoughts, and your family/relationship stuff going on

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