Roll Call 187

Got 4,000 steps in on my walk to CVS. Still getting on the treadmill for 30 minutes later

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Just did it, 30 minutes on the treadmill! 2nd day in a row

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You are doing so well, bb. So proud of you

Literally going into therapy in 2 minutes. I’m sick with anxiety and I feel so depressed about my life.

Thank you so much! and I hope you feel better. I have a therapy appointment too, in about an hour, hope yours goes well!

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I'm getting stressed about my appointment Friday for the intake for IOP. I tried googling what the intake would be like but I keep finding information for IOP's for substance abuse/misuse which is not why I am seeking an IOP. I think it's an assessment which I haven't had in a long time and it's 90 minutes so I am hoping we don't have to do any sort of IQ testing or anything like that. I'm kind of like what could possibly take 90 minutes? But I guess they will just go over the medications and presenting issues and stuff like that. IDK. I'm pretty stressed about it.

We are having a work luncheon today for the August birthdays. We are having chicken, rice, potato salad, beans, and tortillas. And then for 2 o'clock break we will have cake!

Just had therapy and like I cried most of the appointment and I feel so embarrassed but I just don’t know what to do with my life

HUGS Newtus

A 90-minute intake is probably a sign that they care. I mean they're probably just trying to make sure they know everything they can about you that's relevant so your care is good. Anyway, good luck.

Took hours to wake up.. Nice day to sleep in - No work.. I took 30mg of Vyvanse at 11:15am then the second at 1:15pm.

I will feel hypomanic throughout the day - That's my mental weather prediction (Because I took 920mg of phenibut - The most I've taken in months).

The reason is because my cousin might come to visit + My friend is usually in a really good mood and I don't want to be a downer and asocial schizoid.

Idk if my thoughts will disappear and be replaced with mood.. Idk. I'm not very observant about my use, thoughts, mood etc.. I'm really aware and have insight for delusions/paranoia - I guess I prefer it that way.

But yeah.... Idk what's been happening to me.. I try.

Just got done talking to my therapist. We talked about my impulsive manic spending sprees and also my eating disorder. We talked a lot, in-depth

I let her know that I no longer have access to my bank account so I can’t go on spending sprees anymore even if I wanted to. I’ll get around $100 to $150 a month and have to budget using that. I need to build my savings up again because I blew through over $1,000 of my savings, all of it actually.

I’m going to work on balancing my eating, not restricting but also not bingeing.

We also talked about how I’ve been getting out more which is good because I was struggling with that for awhile, and how I’m exercising now.
And I let her know I turned in the application for vocational rehabilitation.

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I'm ordering pizza tomorrow probably. I haven't ordered a pizza in a couple years. I normally just go buy a slice from the place down the street but I'm really craving a ham and pineapple pizza from Dominoes w/ extra sauce on it. Had a good productive day today. Tomorrow I'm taking the day off from exercising and am going to clean my apartment.

Planning on reading or listening to podcasts outside. I'm not organizing those notes rn.. I'm kinda want to socialize or something....

I'm in the house alone. I organized my room and it's looking really nice..

Idk what I feel.... I feel emptiness and excitement.. Would be a bad time to get beaten down.

Going to the dentist for a cleaning/exam Thursday or Friday depending on when I can get in.

Getting my flu shot next week.

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I feel like exercising really bad. I need to run or something. I wanted to go for a hike but I got ready, walked outside and it was raining and cold. Fack.

I ordered this for myself as a treat for going through the trouble of trying to find an IOP. I am proud of myself. So this is my reward.


James Bond™ Aston Martin DB5 10262 | Creator Expert | Buy online at the Official LEGO(R) Shop US

Thank you WA!

LEGO sets are so much fun to put together, a few years ago I was buying them pretty frequently

I feel sick

Never showed y’all the flowers my mom got me for my birthday.

Also yes my succulents been dead except for my cactus at the end.

I will sleep to the sound of rain.. real rain..

I need to start reading before bed though cuz I'm just in the habit of sleeping early to escape.. I'm so worn out from this demic

I'm so tired and sore from the past two days of all that exercising and also being active throughout the whole day, I ended up sleeping till 11am today. I'm just relaxing today, taking a break. I'll get back to my exercise and whatnot tomorrow

Goodness I don't think I've posted in a week. But not a lot has happened. I've mostly been dealing with projecting my anxiety over the delusional intrusions onto little things, and what-ifs. Last night it was ridiculous. I encountered a little glitch with my washing machine and ended up having to take Ativan because I couldn't calm down. My truck is in the shop and I've been anxious over the inconvenience of that.

This morning I seem to be doing a bit better. No throwing up, for one thing. So far no need for Ativan. Hope this is the trend for the day.

Hope you all have a peaceful day.

I have a pdoc appointment at 12 today. I'll take it from work and just shut my door. It was at 4 PM and then I thought I was going to get into the first IOP so I changed it and then I didn't get into the first IOP and it could have stayed at 4!!! Ugh. Oh well. Maybe this will give me a chance to shower after work and before meeting my friend for dinner and before going to Church tonight. I need to talk to pdoc about the frequency of the suicidal thoughts and the drop in mood in general. Maybe some of my meds need tweaking. I also have to tell him about the relapse in July. Sigh. I love my pdoc but I'm not looking forward to this particular appointment. I guess I need to tell him that I am applying to IOP's too. Too much to say! Not enough time!