Roll Call 188

Yes! They fixed the treadmill on my floor, so I can start using it again!

That's great! I love using the treadmill. Then I can listen to audiobooks on it, etc.

My tenor ukulele was delivered today

Wow, I like the grain on the wood!

I like to do that too, and I listen to podcasts sometimes as well

I like it too It was a good deal too, $46 plus a couple dollars for tax/shipping so $50 total. And it came with a case, tuner, extra set of strings, and a strap. I know it's not the highest quality instrument but it has some good reviews on Amazon and it's good for someone fairly new to playing. I'll practice on this and my soprano for a few years then maybe after that upgrade. It would be cool to get an acoustic/electric someday

I asked my sister to see if she can find anyone who would like some art books. She knows a lot of people, and a lot of them have kids. So maybe there's somebody out there that can use them. I have a bunch of them I used to use, like instructional art books, how to draw guides , etc. I don't really draw much anymore, I kind of lost my passion for drawing several years ago, and I'm trying to clear out some space in my apartment. If I ever get back into drawing I can just use library books or online guides.

Nervous for my T appointment today. With Individual IOP T.

First, I wish she would just TELL ME if she is going to continue to see me after IOP or not. I feel like I am hanging by a thread. I really like her and I think I could learn a lot from her and heal with her but I don't like feeling strung along. If I lose her I will be really sad, crushed really, and I will be upset and will probably SH over it. She might know that which is probably why she is not telling me but it is really frustrating.

Second, I didn't really understand what she was talking about on Friday. About taking care of my own emotional needs. Heck, do I even know what my own emotional needs are? I feel truly lost.

Third, I don't know, we might discuss the shame I felt in showing her the SH scars. I thought we would discuss it on Friday and I probably would have brought it up but the conversation went a totally other way than I had anticipated. In her email she said she loved that I brought it up in email but she would like me to bring it up in session. So IDK if we are going to discuss it today or not. The shame isn't as unbearable as it was on Friday. So now it seems moot. It might still be profitable to be brought up though.

HUGS to anyone who wants, Kit

Hope it goes ok

Individual IOP T said she isn't going to continue to see me after IOP because of the hallucinations, the self harm, the past Sui attempts, I'm high risk and she says I am outside her scope of competence. But she's competent enough to see me while I am in program. Such bull.

I expected that IOP T wasn't going to continue to see me but I'm still hurt. She's like, It's not a rejection. Yes it is.

Life sucks.

I ordered a nice one directly from Hawaii....they fixed the frets etc....it was awesome

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Sorry for TMI. I have extremely severe PMS every month a week before my period. For some reason, randomly, for the first time like ever, I'm not having it/haven't had it this time, even though my period is due within the next couple days. Strange, I'm not complaining though

That's awesome

I can't wait till Friday, Halloween Kills comes out! I'm so excited to watch it. I have some cheap frozen pizza in the freezer I'm going to make to have while I watch it (It's streaming on Peacock TV online subscription as it simultaneously releases in theaters). I was gonna go to the theater but it's a lot cheaper to watch it from home, the subscription service is $4.99 a month and I can re-watch it as much as I want/whenever I want, I think for 60 days.

I'm stop taking the olanzepine cuz my mom told my psychiatrist to not lower the invega and I haven't seen him since. Too much antipsychotic..

I unplugged my router today for a couple hours and spent the whole time reading, it really helped with my focus

God I’m so excited about the holidays coming up. I think I’m actually going to make a turkey. I didn’t last year for some reason, just didn’t feel like it. But I think I’ll do it this year! I’ll need to make some room in my freezer and fridge before they drop off the turkey baskets a few days before thanksgiving. Plus it’s cool because I’ll have tons of leftovers so I can make turkey sandwiches and whatnot for several days afterward. Then that weekend I’ll put up my Christmas tree. 😃 Maybe I’ll make a homemade pumpkin pie too

It’s been almost 2 weeks straight of no ED behaviors. And I’m not obsessing about my weight really anymore strangely enough

ugh I have bad cramps tonight

I was supposed to start a job tomorrow but I basically bagged out on it - I'm not doing it anymore. I would rather focus on my career. It was a part-time job, and I think I can do better than what it was. Anyway, I have to write 9000 or so words for a freelance writing project. It was due Sunday, but I asked for an extension (sort of). I told them I'd have it done by midnight tonight, yet I still have like 8750 words to go. So much writing!

Hugs.....

I had severe mood pms for years but as I've gotten older (I'm 34 now) it has gotten a lot better

Anyone else have trouble in the mornings? I feel atrocious every morning.

I'm trying to use the light box thing I bought a while back. Maybe that will help.