Roll Call 188

I had a great time with my friend. We went to the park, checked out the rose garden in it, then watched a horror movie. I got in 11,000 steps while I was out

Here’s a pic from today, I posted the rest on Facebook so if any of you who I have on there can see the rest there

I need to get new glasses. My glasses aren't working as great as they used to. I have an updated prescription,, I just never got around to getting a new pair with new lenses. I'll have to call and make an appointment at visionworks sometime after I pick up a copy of my prescription to get a new pair

My tenor ukulele is being delivered tomorrow. Excited to try it out and see the differences between my soprano ukulele and it

Was feeling overwhelmed before I got off from work today. My waiter coworker can sense my introversion.. She asks me questions like "!!, What's good?!" and I said "Nothing much" and walked away.

But anyways that nonsense is over for 2 weeks lol

I didn't take phenibut today. I'll take 200mg before sleep and then stop.

I feel like garbage

I think my medication increase is causing some vision problems, I might have to call my psychiatrist tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's my glasses or my medication because it just started happening three days after the increase. It's not anything major like totally not being able to see or anything, it's just things are a tad blurrier than they normally are (I'm nearsighted) and I had some double vision when wearing my glasses earlier

I'm also having some memory issues (forgetting things) but that's typical with this med.

I'm also near sighted but needed reading glasses after benztropine (Cogentin) to see close - And when I took my contact lenses out, I didn't need the reading glasses but I couldn't see far. It went away a few days after I stopped taking the med.

Thanks, I’m hoping it’s just adjusting to the increase. I’ve had this happen on a different med before and it went away after about 5 or 6 days. I’m hopeful that’s the case with this too. Right now at home with my glasses off I’m not having any issues I’m just tired. But l’ll still give my psychiatrist a call tomorrow and see what she says

Today was pretty bad. I tried to go down slowly on Klonopin and it was no good. I literally cannot tolerate it for a single day. It's atrocious. And I was trying to go down to 7.5 mg of olanzapine and that made me feel horrible too. Ugh. I should just listen to my regular psychiatrist and quit seeking second opinions.

I love the Medisafe app. It’s so helpful. Especially since I now have to get used to taking an afternoon med in addition to the morning and night. It reminds me when it’s time to take them

Can't wait to make that homemade chocolate chip pumpkin bread. I'm waiting till it's closer to Halloween to make it. I have all the ingredients. I just need to buy some more chocolate chips, which I can grab at Family Dollar sometime

Why are bagels with cream cheese so damn good, I have been eating them like every day lately.

I'm not having vision problems/double vision or feeling strange like I was yesterday. So whatever it was went away

I didn't take the 200mg before sleep but needed 1/2 of a zopiclone to fall asleep cuz of heart palps every time I tried to drift into sleep (Idk if that's anxiety or what.. - They come for a few weeks and then go away for a few months). I thought about taking 0.25mg of clonazepam but there was no need.

So day 2 without phenibut.

I smoked some CBD flower without THC and I still feel slightly irritable - It's better with a little THC but that cancels out the stimulant.

I took 10mg of olanzepine a few hours early and that solved the issue. I haven't had psychosis in a year but I get mild dissociation. I've only had 2 DP/DR panic attacks this year 6 months apart (One in February and one in September).

My mom will be off her last day of work today and then tomorrow morning we'll drive to the island.. Things are packed - It's good..

Feeling anxious about the trip. My mom also makes me anxious. I'm drinking chamomile cuz it can help. I took a small amount of phenibut.

Having a panic attack. Keep going back and forth between forgetting to breathe and breathing too fast

Sorry @Blue_Bird. Vent about fears if you need... Or anything. It'll be over soon. I'd use coping techniques and if they don't work, benzo.

You've been through these before.. I have too!...

Panic attacks suck so much.

Breath in slow big deep breaths through the nose and out through the mouth slowly.. Maybe count 20 or 50 breaths.

Thanks Desoxyn! I need to distract myself somehow. Maybe I'll play a game or watch something on Netflix

and maybe I'll put on my scentsy wax warmer and melt some lavender scented wax. Lavender scent helps me relax, I find aromatherapy very helpful.

Yes they do suck, I wish I could go back to when I was 18 years old which was before I ever had my first one. It's frustrating because it makes you feel like you're dying, and it feels so real that you don't know what to do, whether it's actually something bad or as usual a panic attack. There's always that thought in the back of your head each panic attack that this time you're really dying.

I'm so tired, my med increase is making me sleep every night, I kind of am frustrated about it. Even though I know it's good for me I like staying up and not sleeping because I feel like I have more time in the day to get things done, it feels like a rush, euphoric

The best thing about sleep though is no panic attacks

The chamomile tea is helping.

A while ago, I noticed how beneficial it is for me and on reddit, people report being "high from chamomile tea" - Then I forgot about it.

But I'll bring the tea bags on my trip with me.

Aroma therapy is a real thing imo! Since the brain perceives information through sensory input, the scents are just like certain drugs or molecules idk.. Maybe stimulating the olfactory area in the brain + Scents are the biggest triggers of buried unrevealed memories.

Getting another heart ECG to make sure that my heart was OK really helped with my panic attacks.. I used to be so afraid of my heart stopping but now I'm sure that my heart is healthy - Panic attacks just became like exercise to me.. The 5 hour panic attack in the hospital of summer 2020 felt like I ran a marathon when it was over....

That's a good idea. I have a full physical coming up on November 4th with my doctor. Maybe even just knowing I'm healthy will help me feel more at ease about it. I would have to request an ECG if I wanted that but I think just being checked out during a physical would be enough for me to feel better. He did listen to my breathing and my heart last time I went a few weeks ago to see him about getting on some medications. Everything seemed fine and my blood pressure was good too. My heart rate was high but that is a combination of the severe anxiety I get during doctor appointments and some of my medications make my heart rate run a little high.

I think the last time I had an ECG was in February when I went to the ER because I felt like there where chemicals burning me through my veins, and everything was fine physically. So that wasn't too long ago.

I'm trying to control my diet better so I don't develop heart disease which runs in my family and also type 2 diabetes (which my aunt has), and of course the meds I'm on increase the risk of developing diabetes. So I'm trying to be really careful.

btw thanks Desoxyn, talking to you helped distract me enough that my panic attack faded away

The northern lights + stars are out ^-

I was walking through an ally way looking up at them + good music puts a big smile to my face. I love it. A moment of LSD!

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