Roll Call 188

I need to make habits and goals and stop procrastination..

I will do those one day.

I need to just go to sleep and hopefully wake up feeling better

I might have to get on a different medication for acid reflux, the famotidine does not seem to be helping lately, my acid reflux has been extremely bad the past week. I talk to my doctor on Thursday. If it's still not better by then I'll let him know and he can decide what to do.

**** I can't get over the thought that my medications are poisoning me

BB! You're like me.. You must calm - Let all of your thoughts float from the top of the thought tornado - Focus, let them funnel down and down, into the ocean. Now the ocean has absorbed all of your fast thoughts and there they are, floating.. And eventually sinking to the bottom of the sea. You are greater than the thoughts.. They are beneath you.

You are the boss - Remember! Who it is that is you, a much loved soul full of amazing abilities, strengths - Enough strength to be a master - A master of panic, dissociation, psychosis, lack of will..

And if you can't do that, you're still ok. Time will pave the way to what ever it is that you seek or want..

Thank you Desoxyn

I'm trying to let go and trust that I'm okay

and that God is watching over me (I understand that others have different beliefs but being Catholic, that's my personal belief)

I took my night meds a little over an hour ago. I feel a bit calmer now. I had the stupid idea that I should stay up all night tonight but that's really dumb, I'll end up being worse by tomorrow if I do that. So I'm going to try to sleep. Or at least distract myself for awhile until I can sleep.

Mindfulness helps me a lot, I need to use it more

I think once I have a cat again that will help me too, having a furry little friend

Angelique, so sorry for the loss of your roommate and I hope you don't have to go on lockdown! HUGE HUGS Kit

See my pdoc this Wednesday. I hope he will prescribe the Olanzapine like the pdoc did at the hospital. I think I like this medication. I just can't tell about the weight loss yet but I like the relaxed feeling I get when taking it. I didn't take it over the weekend because I was already pretty chill but I did take half of a pill this morning. I'm very jittery/anxious for some reason. I'm supposed to see covering IOP T on Wednesday and then I'm not sure if I will see my individual T when she gets back from vacation. I hope so but last she knew I was kicked out of IOP and now I am back in so she might have scratched my appointment. I don't know that I actually want to see her but I kind of do. Kind of don't. Since she is the one who sent me to the hospital.

Went to CVS and picked up some of my meds. Tomorrow I get my abilify injection and have an appointment with my therapist. Feel better than yesterday, slept good. I saw a cat on my way walking to CVS, it was really cute

I had a bad sleep paralysis last night and decided to roll over in my head 360+ degrees and then golden/red lines crossed my vision as if brain cells were dying. It lasted maybe 20 minutes. But I did have a good sleep.

I'm finding it hard to focus this morning - Probably cuz of the sleep paralysis.

I've been using a few more dex irs than prescribed

It's hard to figure out my life

I think I've gained 15lbs from the olanzepine.

I'm trying guys im trying

Hugs Desoxyn. How long have you been on Olanzapine? I just started it last week. I'm worried about weight gain. I take about 5 mg a day right now but I can go up to as much as 15 mg a day.

I've been taking 10mg of olanzepine every evening for 13 months. I used to be skinny so I don't mind much - I just don't want to end up overweight and get pre-diabetes because through my whole life, I've eaten a LOT of sugar. I'll try intermittent fasting after I read the book about it + exercise. If that doesn't work then I'll change med.

But I love olanzepine... it makes me happy D;

Finished carving my pumpkins. The Frankenstein one is a little lopsided and the cat is missing it's tail lol but I think it's not too bad considering I'm not good/don't have much experience carving pumpkins other than traditional Jack O'Lantern faces

Great job Blue_Bird! I am trying to find time to squeeze in carving a pumpkin but we'll see. My week is packed and then my weekend is busy with Church activities.

Thanks SK!

I'm exhausted and ready for bed. It's only like 4:30 pm though

Maybe lay on the couch and watch some Netflicks?

Yeah that's what I'm doing

Thank you, I hope you are feeling better now.

Thank you, Kit. (((((HUGS)))))

I asked covering IOP T if she would be willing to see me for individual therapy after IOP. I asked on email. Because it is easier to hear "no" on email. But she sent back a reply and said that she would take a moment to address in our next session (Wednesday). Argh. So, I don't know. I can't read into it to see if she is leaning one way or the other. We have only had one appointment but it was a good one. I hope she says yes. But IDK. I'll have to wait and see. Argh. Distress tolerance practice again.

Those are so cute, BB!!!!!

Good luck, Kit!!!

Thanks Angelique!

I feel unproductive today.

I like olanzapine as well. Lately I don't think it controls certain symptoms I want it to control such as being so indecisive (though I don't even know if antipsychotics are supposed to control that or not).

So I might try clozapine. I'm not sure though.