Roll Call 188

Yes! Checked my EBT balance randomly, I didn't have any money left but sometimes I check just incase there's a deposit, and yes there was an additional $95 in there, that's a huge relief because I was running low on food (They increased/added additional payments due to the pandemic)

Ali Abdaal - YouTube

It's only a suggestion! You can do anything you want! - Including not being "productive"!

I have failed.. Like 99% of people have. But we have to keep getting back up - Or staying on the ground and relaxing for a while, make urself comfortable.

That's why there's uppers, downers and comfort drugs etc.. The chemicals for example mimic THE UNIVERSE.

And the universe is a construct of the human mind/senses.

It's all fake magic etc... Real magic.

Need to talk to my psychiatrist about bad cognition. I wonder if it's cuz I stopped taking fish oil pills 2 weeks ago.

I feel so sad, empty, alone, partially hopeless, confused. I have mental pain.

I hate taking pills. I just swallowed one and it went down the wrong way and I had to cough it back up. I hope someday I can be off all my meds except my mood stabilizer and my abilify injection

If anything antipsychotics cause indecisiveness....

It actually does lose effectiveness that fast.....but takes about a month to kick back in....

Yeah.. Stopping a fixed delusion.. Cuz everything is a form of general fixed delusions. Decrease!.., the dopamine, allows less focus to ease the strength on all of the thoughts - Including the delusions.

Idk I can't explain

I'm only staying on these meds until I get my life and mental state together and find a way to be financially independent or be OK with working towards that.. I'm not going to be this way forever - But I feel like the meds can cause some sort of damage idk.. We don't have to get into this conversation - But if it happens, I don't mind.

I have to be at the ferry terminal by 5am to get back to mainland. It will be a long 15 hour drive? Oh fack. I better soak my brain up in feel good chems before hand to handle it.

I don't think I can be sad for very long cuz everything is so ****ed up that I'm like "W/e", most people are worse off. I knew the looting and **** would happen, crime, money laundering and corruption etc. Death..

Yeah

Yeah I think you're right. Maybe I should look at decreasing the meds I'm on - I think. It seems like every time I try it's basically intolerable though. I am on a lot of meds.

Luckily I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow.

The one thing I don't understand is: I tried to go down on Klonopin by 0.125 mg and I still felt bad afterwards. I don't know what to do to try to go lower on some of the meds I'm on.

Having horrible heartburn right now :/

My doctor said if the famotidine didn't work we'd try omeprazole next. I talk to him on thursday. Hopefully if I get on that it helps

My grandmother said that 0.5mg of clonazepam is the same as 5mg of diazepam (She was in withdrawal while on vacation in Mexico cuz she ordered it online - Blamed it on being sick - She was a nurse).

I'd take 2.5mg of diazepam while withdrawing from alprazolam and it gave a nice muscle relaxation...

I have a friend that bought 10k tablets of etizolam and thought he would sui before finishing them. He ran out and tapered from ~40mg of diazepam to 2mg and can't get off of that low dose.

The lower you get, the harder it is to go off.. so 4mg to 2mg is easy. 1mg to 0.5mg is harder.

If the omeprazole doesn't work either then I guess I'll just work harder at lifestyle changes

I have a video appointment with my therapist tomorrow afternoon.

Today was better than the past few days. I didn't have a panic attack today and I wasn't worried about being poisoned either

Hi everyone,

Things are going okay. Roommate is chill, Ive been talking with him and we get a long. I still feel paranoid people watch my posts on here because tihs one guy posted something the day I posted something, and wow, I just can't believe it didn't involve me, but then again paranoia is my juice so im confused as usual.

Reading William BLake lately other than Goethe and Dante haha, shaking things up. I'm going to try and post somethign every day of his and tackle a longer poem of his every saturday. I need fresh inspiration.

My story has progressed. Although, I don't know how to get people to read it. Maybe Wattpad? It just makes me feel uncofortable to give my best peice away.

Newtus, do you have any thoughts on this? I could get constructive criticism, then again, would it be officially published? I should probably enter it into contests but the prizes seem like pennies. $750 for a novella? Then again, that would be 700 more than I've made on all my books together XD!!!! omg lol

We get to meet our new CPS case worker around 4pm tomorrow because we believe that our old one got fired but they’re not gonna tell us that. Me and my roommate have been scrubbing the walls, washing all the clothes, decluttering things, vacuuming the carpets, basically trying to make it that they can’t say anything about how the house looks. 3 adults, 3 children, and an infant. We’ve been pretty good with keeping the house clean. There’s always food in the kitchen and the kids have never went without food. Trying to be more organized. Send reminders of kids appointments, school schedules, and whatever after school activities they can do even if the oldest two are only in 2nd grade. The oldest has a Cleft lip and cleft palate and is needing a number of appointments and before surgical procedures as he’s getting older. He has some learning disabilities. Possibly autistic and or ADHD and we believe he may have PTSD. That and his cleft lip and palate makes it harder for him to talk properly and that he needs speech therapy. The other two of the kids I also believe have some form of ADHD like both their parents. I’m probably the only person in the house without ADHD. Not sure about the infant but it’s very likely she might. The way baby girl smiles she is already judging the rest of us with smiles and laughter.

I have gerd too so I know the frustration and pain of constant heartburn. Do you use Tums ever? Sometimes they help me, sometimes not. Sometimes I'll drink milk to help it. Those are quick fixes but not long term fixes. I've heard that baking soda can help. Someone told me mustard helps but I have a very hard time believing that lol. Mustard gives me heartburn

If omeprazole doesn’t work there is esomeprazole which you can max out at 40mg.....it should work.

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Also you need to take th meds in the morning and not eat for thirty minutes after....

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I've never tried tums but I've been thinking about getting some, maybe I should. Thank you! I'll try these things out

Thanks SP, I'll keep that in mind

I just got home from getting my abilify injection. It's pouring rain and will be all day

It's been raining here too, since at least a few hours ago. I wish I could hear the rain coming down.