Roll Call 188

trying to improve my focus, read more

Back from vacation.. It was really fun.

I took 1g of phenibut and fell asleep right away when I got home. It was a long car ride. I never dreamt so much before as last night. I woke up at 1pm - Couldn't get out of bed.

Now I sit here feeling.. overwhelmed.. It's scary. Not sure what to do.

My cat missed me. She's sitting beside me.. She was alone for 2 weeks.

I'm growing Lion's Mane mushrooms. I must spray them with mist twice a day.

My friend hasn't told me if he dropped off my new phone yet today. I slept until 4pm and missed the afternoon vape.

Desoxyn have you read this is your mind on plants? It’s about plant based drugs by micheal pollan.....

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Super excited to get the kitty. The plan is after the holidays and once the cat is settled in to get a part-time job through ticket to work, do that for awhile, then add on a couple college classes to finish up my associates degree. I'm excited for all of it, it will be good for me

Cool.. This seems to be his new book (2021) - I should give it a read =]

I read a bit of his book from 2018 ("How to Change Your Mind") but I already knew...

The Concept of Mental Pain - FullText - Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics 2013, Vol. 82, No. 2 - Karger Publishers

"From his perspective, pain is the awareness of a disruption in the person’s tendency towards maintaining individual wholeness and social unity. Sandler [2,3] defined psychological pain as the affective state associated with discrepancy between ideal and actual perception of self. Baumeister [4] referred to mental pain indirectly in his theory on suicide. He viewed mental pain as an aversive state of high self-awareness of inadequacy. When negative outcomes fall far below one’s standards of the ideal self and aspirations, and outcomes are attributed to the self, that person experiences mental pain. The basic emotion in mental pain is, thus, self-disappointment."

"Frankl [14] viewed suffering as a form of emptiness due to loss of meaning in life, underlining that cause of psychological problems originates from existential frustration. He added that ‘... existential frustration is in itself neither pathological nor pathogenic. A person’s concern, even his despair, over the worthwhileness of life is an existential distress but by no means a mental disease’ (p. 123). The individual basic concern should not be to avoid pain or gain pleasure, but to see meaning in life [15]. Suffering terminates at the moment a meaning is found for it [16]."

I feel very content now though.

I've done the best I could in this GRAND HALLUCINATION...

I hope I won't hate my new phone. My friend hasn't dropped it off yet.

Just talked with my primary care doctor. He's prescribing the omeprazole and having me stop the famotidine. He said the omeprazole is a more potent acid reducer so hopefully it helps

Before Individual IOP therapist went on vacation (also when I got kicked out of IOP) I had an appointment for this Friday to talk to her telehealth. I emailed her yesterday because I knew she would be coming back from vacation today and asked her if we still have that appointment and she said no. That she would see me the following Tuesday. Okay so that's not that far away, it's like 5 days. But now my mind is going crazy with thoughts like "she's rejecting me", "she's trying to get out of seeing me" and stuff like that. Sigh. When did the therapy relationship get so complicated!?!!

It also hurts the trust in the relationship because she SAID we would have an appointment on Friday. Just like she SAID I wouldn't get kicked out of IOP if I went to the hospital. Maybe she just really doesn't want to deal with me and wants an out.

Have you guys ever discussed healthy boundaries? Every therapist is different but for me my T is a paid professional...I don’t think that she gives me a second thought outside the appointment tbh. I guess what I’m saying is it’s only complicated if you make it complicated.

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I am trying to see about scheduling my 3rd covid vaccine (booster) shot, I guess you're eligible now according to the CDC if you have a mental health condition

I like his books. We read the Omnivore's Dilemma as part of my required reading in my Environmental Science college class

Do you have anything that can distract you from those thoughts? Just try to remember that the thoughts aren't true. Maybe a hobby or something, reading, shows/movies, arts and crafts, etc. I'm sorry you're struggling

Yeah, I'm not great on boundaries. She obviously thinks about me outside of session because she emailed me. I think I'm just ultra sensitive to rejection right now.

Thanks Blue_Bird.


I'm at work so it is kind of hard to get distracted (because I don't have much work to do) but I am working on telling myself that I am getting carried away and that out of all the possibilities, that is the least likely one. I still think it is a little bit possible though. HUGS Kit

I saw that.....guess I need to schedule one too.....

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I just got an appointment for it for tomorrow afternoon at CVS

I guess what I’m thinking is that for me I don’t think of them like my friend in any way because they’re not there for that. I see them almost like a teacher....they’re there to help me learn but that’s it.

Sorry if reframing it doesn’t help but for me firm boundaries keep me in a better place otherwise I tend to want more than they can give.

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Yeah, I hear you. I do that too (wanting more than they can give). I had a really great therapist for like 10 years who gave me lots of attention and "extras" and helped me a lot but it makes it harder with each subsequent therapist because they don't do all of that. So I am stuck like with my feelings and such. It's complicated with this T because she sent me to the hospital when I didn't really need to go (but I went voluntarily otherwise she would have sent me involuntary) and she said I wouldn't get kicked out of program. Then I got kicked out of program. Then my case manager got me back in. Then she said we would meet on Friday. Now she says Tuesday. I kind of think she's not the best with boundaries either. Like one should keep their word unless something really unusual happens. But I've been talking to myself and I think I am okay now with not seeing her until Tuesday. It just makes for a long weekend. But I am strong. I can do this! Thanks for the reframe SP! You are always so wise. I think of you as the wise one of the group (not that we aren't all wise in our own way) but you always seem to give wise advise. You're like the little guru on the board.

I must say I feel damn good mentally

Awesome! What’s going on that’s helping?