Roll Call 190

Blue_Bird · Jan 26, 2022, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Both sound good…..what style hot dogs do you eat there? In Chicago they’ve got a pickle spear, relish, onion, mustard and tomato slices and optional sport peppers

they’re pretty good.

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I usually just make them with ketchup, mustard, relish, and onions, I’m not sure what the typical NY hotdog is though, that’s just generally what I make when at home, there’s supposedly a really good hot dog place right down the street I haven’t tried them though, I might some time

WastingAsparagus · Jan 26, 2022, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

It's like autism where symptoms can be different for females compared to males - Structural cognitive differences..

I'm lucky that stimulants don't give me psychosis and I wonder if it's my perception towards them.. Like they fit a puzzle in my reality by making me focused - I think a lot of people with them, focus on their paranoia/delusions.

Weed can make me paranoid though because it decreases my focus (But also makes me see things in a different way).

And then I think about Newtus - Wouldn't need a DMT trip. Something about creativity.. being able to channel both worlds (Like you) which I've struggled with.. But me going from the patterned brain to the unpatterned brain.

I was born with high neuroplasticity and it was all suppressed by abuse. The only thing for my brain to eventually do was PRUNE.. Dead neurons!

The Abilify made my impulsivity much worse (Partial dopamine agonist) - It's like my brain was teased with dopamine but not actually getting it?

Idk what I'm talking about nvm.. But if your mind gets worse, maybe a new antipsychotic could be an option.

You're dealing with a lot of stress and grief and with people that have adhd or any mental illness, - stress is the worst thing. Doing healthy balanced things in life is what we all need such as exercise, diet, socialization, meaning, sleep, etc.. all of that stuff.. We are like plants. But we are happy plants.

Stimulants don't give me psychosis either. I am on modafinil and I've never felt more motivated in my life, I think. It's really good. Granted that's not like a hardcore stimulant. But still...

WastingAsparagus · Jan 26, 2022, 09:44 PM

For some reason I was thinking about listening to sad music all night but I guess that's fine. I already pretty much have. I haven't really wasted any time. But I listened to a cover of "Landslide" by the Smashing Pumpkins on repeat and I tried to write. I got about three sentences.

WastingAsparagus · Jan 26, 2022, 09:45 PM

I honestly hate that people assign basically no meaning to good writing these days.

WastingAsparagus · Jan 26, 2022, 10:06 PM

Hm. Trying to decide whether to take my prn extra olanzapine or no tonight...

Sometimes psychotic · Jan 26, 2022, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

Hm. Trying to decide whether to take my prn extra olanzapine or no tonight...

What do you typically use it for and are you experiencing it now?

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WastingAsparagus · Jan 26, 2022, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

What do you typically use it for and are you experiencing it now?

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Typically I use it when I feel overwhelmed in some way. Sometimes I feel cognitively strange the next day though, so I wonder if I should refrain.

Blue_Bird · Jan 26, 2022, 11:11 PM

I think I'm going to stay on my meds, the current ones I'm on. I haven't been in the hospital in a long time, and I haven't been manic,

Possible trigger:

suicidal

, or agitated in a long time either. I think I'll leave things alone/as is for now,

It's also probably not good for my mental health to constantly be coming on and off meds and changing around doses constantly

Desoxyn · Jan 27, 2022, 12:52 AM

Freaking out about my heart. I've decided to continue taking the atenolol.

There's so much I have to say about things - I'm so full of worries about everything. I just want to live and have a good life and if not, I want to die - But also, I'm OK just existing right now. It can be torture.

I live for my family - That is the only thing right now. I will figure out many reasons to live and not "Live or die" for ONE reason. I'm not stupid.. Idk why people ask me stupid questions like that about myself.

Desoxyn · Jan 27, 2022, 12:56 AM

I sense that I'll be building a lot more self awareness and will be doing a lot of deep thinking this year... I'll have a lot of insights - And it will all come with pain.

I don't want my parents to die right now - Not yet.. I wouldn't be able to handle that. They've both had cancer.

Life is short.. I'm so nihilistic sometimes. I think so much.. but I want to think more.. I want to shape the patterns of reality in my favour.

I want to cry.

Desoxyn · Jan 27, 2022, 01:16 AM

I want to sit in the rain and hear thunder and see lightning. I don't want to be on all of these meds. I want to trip. I want to be happy. I hate conspiracies. I hate the pandemic. Society can die. I'd rather have been born in hunter-gatherer times.

Possible trigger:

I want to decompose in the Ganges River.

Blue_Bird · Jan 27, 2022, 11:56 AM

I talked to my psychiatrist today. I asked if she could take me off the trileptal and she said that we can do that. So I'm going to start tapering off it. She also is going to find out about a vocational rehabilitation program through their day treatment program I used to be in , so my therapist can tell me more about that when I talk to her tomorrow. The rest of the meds I'm staying on

Abilify
Zoloft
Thorazine
Wellbutrin
Naltrexone (for weight loss with the Wellbutrin)

And Klonopin prn.

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Sometimes psychotic · Jan 27, 2022, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I talked to my psychiatrist today. I asked if she could take me off the trileptal and she said that we can do that. So I'm going to start tapering off it. She also is going to find out about a vocational rehabilitation program through their day treatment program I used to be in , so my therapist can tell me more about that when I talk to her tomorrow. The rest of the meds I'm staying on

Abilify
Zoloft
Thorazine
Wellbutrin
Naltrexone (for weight loss with the Wellbutrin)

And Klonopin prn.

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Good luck

with the taper….

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Blue_Bird · Jan 27, 2022, 12:47 PM

I got a 15 pack of these 10oz little bottles of Tropicana strawberry orange juice, they're really good

Stash made an appearance during my appointment of course, my doctor loves seeing her lol

Sometimes psychotic · Jan 27, 2022, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I got a 15 pack of these 10oz little bottles of Tropicana strawberry orange juice, they're really good

Stash made an appearance during my appointment of course, my doctor loves seeing her lol

Everyone loves stash 😀

SlumberKitty · Jan 27, 2022, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Are you ok today SK?

Hey SP. I'm okay. I am depressed I think. But for once I am not having suicidal ideation while depressed, so maybe the medication is helping....like it can't prevent me from getting low but it can prevent me from bottoming out? IDK.

BTW, love the pictures you have been posting of your flower arrangements. If I had Instagram I would follow you. I barely figured out facebook.

junkDNA · Jan 27, 2022, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Both sound good…..what style hot dogs do you eat there? In Chicago they’ve got a pickle spear, relish, onion, mustard and tomato slices and optional sport peppers

they’re pretty good.

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my fave is the carolina dog..... mustard slaw chili and onion!

SlumberKitty · Jan 27, 2022, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

Hm. Trying to decide whether to take my prn extra olanzapine or no tonight...

I have a hard time answering that question too. It's for hallucinations for me but it's like they are always there so is it worse than normal? Heck I don't know.

junkDNA · Jan 27, 2022, 02:16 PM

finally contacted my therapist abt an appointment. turns out hes totalled booked up and theres a month or two waitlist to see him lol. guess hes pretty poopular these days. he said i can be at the top of the list. so idk when well talk again

SlumberKitty · Jan 27, 2022, 02:16 PM

I like my hotdogs with just ketchup. Or once in a while ketchup and relish.

SlumberKitty · Jan 27, 2022, 02:16 PM

Or chili dogs! Yum

SlumberKitty · Jan 27, 2022, 02:18 PM

I'm SO very hungry today. UGH.

Desoxyn · Jan 27, 2022, 02:20 PM

I'll skip the morning atenolol from now on and take the night atenolol in the evening cuz it gives me brain fog.

Sometimes psychotic · Jan 27, 2022, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Hey SP. I'm okay. I am depressed I think. But for once I am not having suicidal ideation while depressed, so maybe the medication is helping....like it can't prevent me from getting low but it can prevent me from bottoming out? IDK.

BTW, love the pictures you have been posting of your flower arrangements. If I had Instagram I would follow you. I barely figured out facebook.

Thanks SK 😀. I’m glad you’re not sui…..that’s how I feel about meds they take the edge off but you still need a lot of self care etc to keep regulated.. I was just worried when I didn’t see you posting yesterday. Can I ask how much sleep you get? I think I’ve been getting too much and need an alarm to waKe up before I oversleep…it’s helped my mood to sleep less.

Sometimes psychotic · Jan 27, 2022, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

my fave is the carolina dog..... mustard slaw chili and onion!

Nice, my mom used to make these from scratch.

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