Roll Call 191

I want some toasted sourdough bread with butter. Next time I go shopping I'll get a loaf of it

Have you thought about making your own bread? I know you said you were having your sister come help you with a bread machine but you can make bread without it and it’s delicious. Would be a good thing to do that’s not that difficult to do.

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It's raining. I haven't seem rain in 6 months.

Apeirophobia: The Fear of Eternity - The Atlantic

My mom told me to stop thinking about this cuz it can drive even the most sane person insane. She doesn't expect me to be happy but she doesn't want me to be unhappy. I think I'm OK.

It was the reason for all of my panic attacks in 2020. It's way too overwhelming without olanzepine. I used to be an atheist and the trip struck me in just one night.

I am okay tonight. I took extra olanzapine. And I took Xanax and Klonopin, which is probably not recommendable. But I see the psychiatrist tomorrow. I just don't know what to tell him really. "I want to feel better."

It's just weird because benzos cause me to lose my soul but without them, I get INCREDIBLY anxious.

I wonder if it's just tolerance.

I also want to cold turkey the Klonopin...

I have thought about that, I do want to learn how to make bread myself so maybe I should start working on learning how to do that

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Good morning. Woke up around 4:45am, it's about 6am now. Going grocery shopping later. Need to get some fruit, fresh spinach for salads, meatballs for meatball subs, and some other stuff

Listening to music and drinking coffee right now. Have quite a bit of cleaning to do around my apartment later today, Stash is not gonna be happy with me (she's scared of the vacuum). I'm gonna give her the other half to the can of wet food I opened for her.

There are these really good prosciutto wrapped sticks of cheese at the grocery store, I'm gonna pick some of those up too if I can find them, they're in the process of remodeling the store and they keep changing the location of items so things are hard to find

No-Knead Loaf Bread Recipe

I found this recipe, it looks pretty simple, I might try doing it sometime next month

My mom sometimes makes beer bread. All you really need is a beer (I guess) and some other basic things like flour and yeast I am assuming. I don't usually keep beer at my house so I don't ever make it, but the alcohol cooks off and the bread ends up pretty good. From what I'm able to deduce, it's pretty easy too.

I must have really needed to sleep more because I fell back asleep at 7am and slept till around 11:30am. I wish I didn't but I was really tired. I'm gonna go to the grocery store in about an hour and a half. Way later than I like to go, I like to go early before there's a bunch of people, but it's okay. I don't need to get much, my list is fairly small.

Falcon, don't know if you're on or reading this, but how are you enjoying Elden Ring so far? I'm thinking of getting it for my Xbox, it looks good. I love RPG games like The Witcher and Skyrim

Morning, friends.

Crazy dreams. Sunny day. Coffee.

I will go, where ever the flow, takes me.

Gas getting expensive. Food.. rent.. war.. Oh ****. The stuff is all coming back to me nowww... Do we live in a hell? Or a bad realm maybe.. Bad storm.

But it has all settled down now that I have ignored it for a few days.

Olanzepine is a gift from the GODS OF MERCY. Do you understand?? Maybe one day you will...

Me too .....

Heading out to get on the bus in a few minutes

I finally got an ultrasound appointment at the hospital apparently them not taking my insurance was some kind of mistake….

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When is the appointment? How long will it take for results?

Got my tax refund today! Going in the savings account most of it anyway.

Yay! I spent my whole tax refund. Probably shouldn't have, but bills to pay...

Next Friday….I think that they should know right away but they’ll have to send to my doctor who will tell me. It’s not as nice as tomorrow but I just want to make sure it’s nothing that can kill me, if it’s just stones I’ll have pain but be fine.

Yeah I hear you. My refund was pretty small but I kept out like $50 just to play with and put the other couple of hundred away in savings. Usually I get a bigger refund but I kind of messed myself over with some investing and stuff last year. I will be more careful this year.

Wow that is a long time to wait, I'm sorry!

Hope the doctor tells you right away!

On the bus home. Whew that was close. $77 total and I had $86 on my card.

I got everything on my list except the plums and the prosciutto wrapped sticks of cheese. Couldn't find those. I got 3 fresh peaches instead and some deli pepperoni