Roll Call 193

Yeah, that's probably it. Hope you get some good sleep tonight and that you get back into your normal sleep/wake schedule soon!

Halfway through the workday!!! Well, more like 5/8th of the way through the workday. This three day weekend can't come fast enough!!

I always do math like that when I am running on the treadmill - like fractions of the workout that I've completed. Anyway, I am hoping for a nice weekend. We'll see.

Having bad mood swings tonight which is unusual for me since I'm pretty stable now , I'm wondering if it's from cutting out sugar. I can't focus

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Walked to the library today. Picked up some books and DVDs. Did laundry. Did some weight exercises. Back onto the treadmill in the morning.

Tried to read. Only read for about 40 minutes because I'm having a hard time focusing.

Really looking forward to getting my nose pierced next week.

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Watching the Lego Movie when I get up tomorrow at 5am. Haven't seen it in a long time. I also got the Encantato DVD and the Addams Family 2 (the new animated one) DVD from the library. So I'll be watching those over the next few days.

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I have too many interests: How to narrow down and focus on one thing

My most needed article. It's so simple. The video chat people messed me up so bad about this but I'm getting over it ^-

I get "thought insertions"/magical thinking like the galaxy/simulation stuff but I'm so used to them. I've learned a lot from these "odd thoughts" that my psychologist said could be problematic.

I'm trying to be happy insane instead of tormented insane. It's the only way. The line is in the middle, balance.

And why? While on paliperidone and olanzepine? They are very good.. But I think the psychedelic drug momentum continues along with stimulant medication/no sedation.

I listened to a psychiatrist say that some people can be "floridly hallucinating every day but as long as it doesn't interfere with daily life, it's not considered as a disorder".

Is there anything wrong with my thinking about this?

I feel like I have no chance - But only if I think I don't. That's the problem.

I just go deeper and deeper into the thing, hoping to understand.

I can't find a word to describe what you're doing so please tell me

What do you know that I don't about me?

How to Handle People Who Play Mind Games With You | HealthGuidance.org

I want to know, in full detail, wtf you are doing and the situation. This has gone on long enough - I've posted here for years. I've changed - But in your eyes I am still the same.

The amount of pain is intentional and if it is, it's sadistic.

It's just like the video chat people.

Are you ok? No one is playing mind games with you….

Ok.. As long as you're being honest.. Sorry..

If that isn't more relevant first to cover anything

Desoxyn we all care a great deal about you and I respect everyone enough not to play with them, especially having experienced this illness and how confusing it can be.

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I know that. Sorry I just need reassurance sometimes. I'm ok. Sorry..

Well lately this past year I've been so off. Everyone's dealing with so much stuff with what's going on/what has happened. Especially you SP I don't mean to accuse people/on defense all of the time - I need therapy but I did the same thing to my therapist.

Hugs………

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I'm still trying to gauge whether to switch back to my old therapist because she knows more about schizoaffective than my current therapist I guess. It just seems like the new one might be a better fit though. I just have so much trouble when it comes to making treatment decisions.

Also I'm thinking 15 mg olanzapine is too much... I just feel so sluggish.

Pharmacy insisted that I take 60x Dexedrine instead of 30x for the 2-3rd time. I tried taking two a day but it's too much, crash, big veins, heart palps.. So I'll continue to take one.

On a positive note, however, I haven't had serious doubts that much. I've just been sad.

Good morning. Washed my face with my cleanser and moisturized. Fed the kitties, ate a healthy breakfast, brushed/flossed my teeth, took my morning meds Now I'm just drinking a coffee and listening to music. Gonna get on the treadmill around 10am. Been doing better with hygiene, a lot better.

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I really don't know what changed 3 or 4 weeks ago. I spent the past 2 or 3 years prior to that pretty much in my room in bed and not going anywhere unless I absolutely had to, not doing anything, no exercising, ate very unhealthy, had pretty poor hygiene, really bad sleeping habits It's like a switch flipped and suddenly I'm on a great sleep schedule, exercising, eating healthy, having really good hygiene, cleaning, being productive, doing things/socializing, making plans etc. I have no idea what the hell made such a drastic change.

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That's awesome that you feel such a drastic change!

I'm just wondering if I have schizoaffective disorder at all. I mean I've never had hallucinations. I guess delusions count as symptoms. Maybe my current therapist needs to talk to some of the people in life who knew me when I had delusions. Or something like that. I don't know.

I just feel lost right now.