Roll Call 193

I made my homepage Google Scholar. Ha.

Oh fack!!

Life.. reality..

Gotta keep moving

I'm throwing the gabapentin away cuz it does something weird to my heart.. and my mind..

I smoked indica with it and I was so-dizzy-that-I-felt-drunk... I tried to go to sleep but was afraid that I'd stop breathing in my sleep... Cuz I tried not breathing to see what would happen and I was so relaxed that I didn't get any suffocation effects.. I manually took each breath, waiting for stuff to clear my bloodstream to prevent oxygen deprivation and sudden death (This could be all in my head lol...). I fell asleep 2 hours later.

But yeah. That was my night. I said, "if I wake up in the morning, this is a start to a new life...."

Went to work.. No energy.. Enough of this nonsense. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I'm save up money to move to Guatemala..

Edit: If I could be a hippie... But idk

Before I started Depakote I was complaining to everyone around me how WEIRD the side effects were from anticonvulsants! I tried Tegretol & Topamax previously. That’s the only way that I can describe them - weird.

My mom says that she's afraid that she caused my anxiety.

I said she didn't.. But I think she caused my paranoia cuz she's so social (And I have slight autism/introversion) so that = schiz

Criticisms to my conclusion are welcome.

I'm gonna try my hardest to try and be independent. I'm gonna learn the rules to driving again tomorrow and get a full drivers license.

I felt a sort of anxiety attack because I procrastinated taking the atenolol and olanzepine. They help after kicking in but I really wish I didn't have to take them. It's my fault for abusing stimulants and psychedelics.

I was put on 200mg of topamax "for addictions" in the hospital and my outpatient psychiatrist took me off of it. I remember him saying to my mom "This med can make people lose 20 IQ points when they're on it" lol..

Not that you shouldn't take similar... But Topamax is no good I think.

Good morning. Woke up at 4am and have been up since. Didn't sleep well again.

Going grocery shopping in a couple hours.

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I am seeing my old therapist again. She was very helpful. Anyway, that has me in a better mood this morning. Hope everyone has a good day today.

Went grocery shopping. Food is so expensive

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Agreed. I spent $70 on Friday and hardly got anything!

Dude. Lybalvi really messes with me. The Pdoc says it shouldn't be any more sedating than Olanzapine but that crap puts me out. I took one yesterday morning for anxiety, paranoia, and agitation. I could barely make it through work. I stared at the same invoice for like two hours trying to make sure that I did the taxes right. I got home at 3:35 PM and went right to bed and slept until 4 AM this AM. I am still feeling messed up. I asked my Dad to bring me a coffee because I can't concentrate. I feel so freaking out of it. I think I have some Olanzapine that was filled prior and I will just take that. The Lybalvi like freaking puts me to sleep!

Also I was on Topomax for a little while. I saw a discussion of it above. Yeah, that messed with me too. I couldn't remember my coworkers names. I had to get off of that mess.

Hope you have a good day too WA!

Today one of my bosses who I have never met in person (just talked to her via Microsoft Teams either messaging or video calls) will be here. Today, tomorrow, and Thursday. We don't really get on so I am kind of nervous about it but I do not want to take any anxiety medication because I am still so messed up over the dang Lybalvi.

I did 20 minutes on the treadmill. I normally do 45 minutes but I’m worn out from barely any sleep in 3 days. I just have to remind myself that 20 minutes is better than nothing

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Yes, 20 minutes is definitely better than nothing! Don't push yourself too hard when you have hardly had any sleep Blue_Bird. Try to rest today even if you can't sleep. Do something restful like watch some TV or something. How is Stash doing?

She's doing as well as she can considering everything, she's sleeping in her hammock right now, she'll probably feel a lot better after getting spayed next week

I'm just listening to some music

Good to hear.

I got some cheesecake at the store

Yum, sounds delicious! I haven't had cheesecake in an age!

The girls

Such cute kitty cats, Blue_Bird! thanks for sharing!

I know it's far away but I can't wait for Christmas. Such a magical time of year.

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