Roll Call 193

Happy day today

Med change is going surprisingly well. I feel better on less olanzapine and then being on some risperidone. Anyway. I am glad I made the effort to switch meds…

I'm tempted to stop the abilify and thorazine

Olanzepine 10mg dulled me the hell out - I should have waited until tonight.

I wonder what it would be like off of Invega. Maybe I'd be agitated and stressed out. If I stopped the olanzepine, I might be able to feel the magic of being alive.. but also, I'd get psychedelic flashbacks/dissociation.

So I'll wait. You have your reasons - But you should wait too. You're doing so well rn =] Always make sure that the psychiatrist says it's okay - Cuz I've been down the long road of self medicating, changing meds myself. It didn't really help.

Only once I started to work with the treatment team, I got better. Not to say that my experimenting didn't help... It's just that I was lucky. Miracle I'm still alive.

I've become super aware lately. More points for developed frontal lobe..

Yeah I should probably leave things alone for now.
Once I’m working it’s probably gonna be a little stressful and probably not the best time to be messing with meds.

Maybe once I get a year of working and school done I can see about coming off the APs, and just be on my mood stabilizer and AD. Who knows. It just seems like psychosis hasn’t been an issue for a few months now. Maybe it’s because of the meds. I’m not sure. But I’m doing better than I have in years so probably not the best time to mess with them

I was frustrated about losing weight. But I weighed myself this morning and I was 163 lbs , down from 167 lbs. so I am losing, just very slowly. I just have to be patient.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Woke up at 5:30am today, Mustachio woke me up. I usually get up around that time anyway though so it's not a problem. It's 8:30 now. Gonna get on the treadmill around 10, then dropping off a DVD at the library around 12pm. Already ate breakfast, avocado toast and a bowl of plain oatmeal with fresh blueberries and almond milk. Took my meds, fed the cats, took out the trash, brushed/flossed my teeth. Cleaned my piercing, got dressed. Also changed/cleaned the litterbox

Now I'm just drinking some water and trying to figure out what to do until 10. Probably should do the dishes and refill the ice trays

I'm having a salmon filet, Spanish rice, and vegetables for dinner tonight. The cats are gonna go nuts, they love salmon. They ate a can of salmon pate wet food today, I think that's their favorite flavor

My apartment building is having a bingo game tomorrow. I'm not calling it but I am gonna play/participate

Stash is recovering from her surgery quite well

Glad to hear it. Usually kitty cats do pretty well with the surgery. I had to get Esther's reopened and drained. She had just gotten it done before I adopted her and I don't think they did a good job. It was seeping. So I took her to the vet and he fixed her up. But all of my other kitty cats have done well with theirs. I'm glad Stash is doing good!

Tattoo uploaded by Kaitlynn Haught • My first tattoo #firsttattoo #SemiColon #kitty #cat #wrist #wristtattoo • 614054 • Tattoodo

I am getting my first tattoo on July 2nd. I wanted to do it before my birthday but they didn't have a time that would work for me.

The semi colon is because of my struggles with mental illness, self harm, and suicide and the kitty cat whiskers are because my kitty cats help me through it.

I'm getting it on the inside of my wrist. I will have to do the left one because the right one is too messed up with scars. I messaged the shop and asked them if they would do it even though I self harm and he was like, yeah no problem.

I will have to hide it from my parents because they are anti-tattoo but I am looking forward to it. My sister and my niece are going to get the semi colon (without the cat whiskers) for me.

I talk to my T tonight. I am kind of stressed about it since I relapsed last week. We talked about it last week but it was the same day that I did it so obviously I wasn't in the best state of mind. Then the next day my GP tried to have me 5150-ed because of the voices and the self harm. So that was a lot to process so I am looking forward to my T appointment. But I am stressed about it too.

Having bad cramps. PMS etc sucks

It totally does…

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Good luck with it SK.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I was talking to my mom about how we can't taste or smell very well, explaining the neuron severing of the olfactory bulb.

Her: "Are we damaged?"
Me: "Yes.. Brain damaged.."
Her: "Nooo"

Watching the show Bridgerton

Motivation is dead

Nostalgia brings it back.

I was romanticizing



to make sense out of life. This is a new weird place of reality from now on. I believe in my spiritual ideas 100%.

I knew the matrix was true a long time ago - But my life situation/feelings are matching with it. I'm not sure if I can explain. I'm just calm now.. I've been happier recently too which also means tendency to dwell, forced inevitable breaks.. With the awareness, it can go in any way.

And wherever life will take me, I'll go.

Edit: But stim crash depression is what it is

Taking olanzepine before bed now instead of the evening

I need to get off of these meds. They're killing my brain - Although I've never been better. I'm just so damn isolated.

How long does it typically take to hear back from putting in a job application somewhere? It was put in on Monday, I know it’s only Wednesday I’m just curious around how long I should give it, like 2 weeks maybe? Or less? Longer? I really want to get this library job so I don’t want to try other places until I know for sure whether I get this or not.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

To give an example, I put in a job app like mid March, I’m still in the interview process. Depending on the organization it can take some time. They’ll send a dear John letter if you’re no longer in the running.

Thank you! I was unsure of the process because I don’t really have job experience except for volunteering and a short temp job thing I did

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The more complex the job the longer it takes too. Mc ds will call in 24 hours but I would expect a month for first contact in other jobs.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

My temp was getting up to about 40C (104F) and got a bad rash all over my body. So been in contact with my doctor and local health services and told to get off lamotrigine, switch Advil to Tylenol.

My temp is better today. Almost normal. But rash is all over. I went on prednisone yesterday and it didn’t really help so doctor told me to stop because It could effect my mental health. Doc is referring me to an allergist and he’s also going to talk to the pharmacist and the psychiatrist.

I’m just tired and so sick of COVID.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk