Roll Call 193

Yikes....two of my in real life support people are going to be gone for two weeks, they are going to Israel. I am a bit nervous about not having them to rely on for when I am struggling!

Yesterday was a really good day.

I had to get my mom to pick me up though cuz there were bears everywhere.

Almost lunch time

Anxiety, depression, inflammation increase default mode network (Rumination/Mind wandering) + Trauma and OCD = intrusive thoughts. You end up unhappy, not able to live in the present moment.

I think psychedelics have increased activity of my default mode network (When they're supposed to decrease it) cuz I was traumatized. MDMA was taken ~6 months after but I didn't even know I had trauma - Intention matters.

Meditation is supposed to help along with antidepressants, exercise, healthy diet, intermittent fasting, magnesium, curcumin, sleep, etc..

Olanzepine MODULATES the default mode network apparently. Yesterday, I felt my thoughts starting to float away and become annoying (Depersonalization) so I took the olanzepine and my thoughts were back inside of my head again.

That's interesting. I believe the same thing is true with me and olanzapine.

I know I need 15 mg of it. Also I meditate a ton. And I think it has helped overall.

Yes! Olanzepine is like a weight on the thoughts or putting a cup over them...

"Look at me! I'm thought! Weeeee", "I'm another thought! Weee"

U have to stop those.. Meditation is like working a muscle/neuroplasticity exercise that trains the mind to focus/concentrate..

I did "open awareness meditation" because it was much easier and required no effort - But I think it makes things worse. It's just.. Letting the thoughts do what they want and observing them. I've been told that I'm really observant though so idk

Anyone have fun plans this weekend? I don't but I thought I could live vicariously through you all.

Might goto the zoo…..

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That sounds fun! It is way too hot here to do anything outside (today is 100 degrees F) I have two Zoom meetings on Saturday, I really need to change my sheets, and Church on Sunday. Nothing really fun planned. Still I am anxious for it to be 330 PM PST so I can be off of work and relaxing for the next two days!

Talking philosophy with some friends...

NIce!!!!!

I’m going to a concert tonight. Isn’t supposed to end until like 2am. I’m nervous though because it’s my first event out since the pandemic started and I’m still worried about COVID so I might just wear a mask the whole time unless we’re far off from other people. Idk we’ll see.

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It’s been 70s here but soon it will be over ninety here too….

Sounds fun! I haven't been to a concert in probably 10 years! I used to go with a friend to Las Vegas and see concerts a lot but that's been a while. I would be a little nervous about Covid too. I know like 3 people who have it right now. Granted only one is in the same state as me, but still! Too close for comfort! Hope you have fun!

Oh my goodness! An hour left of work! Sigh.

I have these weird bone tumors in my mouth, they are benign, but sometimes they hurt like heck. Right now one of them is threatening to poke through the gum. (Sometimes they develop sharp points.) I have had this happen a few times before and it is very painful. I have had some of the tumors removed but they just grow back so it is a rather pointless and expensive cycle. But this one is really bothering me.

Hugs SK……

Thank you SP!

I don't want a dopamine tug of war 😭

If you have a cell phone you could get international coverage, temporarily, and just text a bit. Sending hugs!

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A ,out of people use whats app internationally because it’s WiFi……

That's good to know. Maybe I'll ask my friend if he wants to try it on one of his trips.

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I have Whats App. I'll ask one of my friends if she will get it too so we can stay in touch!

I suppose past year = mild psychosis. I would like to feel better, more relaxed - That's all. I made chamomile tea - Yes, tea for this reason;



Extra stim could put me on edge. I'll try to take the previous normal dose.

No weed!! If problems persist (Which I think they won't), I'll talk to my psychiatrist about what to do.

I'll ease up on the corruption news too. Can't have that in my brain all of the time lol