Roll Call 193

If he apartment is well built they can’t hear a thing unless your windows are open, you”ll be fine. Try coloring?

I shut her in my room the other day, my room is the side of where the windows are. The windows were closed but I could hear her from the third floor down stairs when I was sitting outside. It was muffled but still that’s gotta be pretty loud

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I have the air conditioning on and the kitchen stove vent on high to try and drown it out but I don’t know how good of a job it does

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I don't have colored pencils anymore but maybe I can draw.

I need to get out of my apartment tomorrow. Even if it's just to take the trash out, check the mail and do laundry. I've been putting these things off haven't even left my apartment once since yesterday morning and is 9:20pm today now due to fear of her getting so loud people complain

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The crayola ones ran out? I feel like color pencils run out faster than other mediums 🤔

Yeah I got them a few years ago

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Yuck it’s gonna be 96 degrees on Saturday. I wish it was autumn

me too......

How are you doing today SK?

Korean garlic cream cheese bread looks so good

Not great. I'm having paranoia, agitation, stress intolerance, difficulty managing emotions, anxiety, depression, and


Since I kind of freaked out a bit at work yesterday, my boss in NY is going to call me today so I am pretty nervous about that. I am a little off the rails but she is usually pretty understanding of me since I have been very open about my mental health diagnoses. I don't think I am getting fired or anything but it might be an awkward conversation. EEK. I guess I'm having impulse control issues too.

I went to my ladies group at Church last night. I had planned to go to the ER afterward but I felt better after Church so I didn't go. I figured I could always go today or tomorrow or this weekend if I need to.

I guess I need to let my T know what is going on. I had told her on Tuesday at our appointment but she didn't really zone in on it, and we mostly talked about my friend having passed. But since it is disrupting my work now that's not good.

I took some anxiety medication before coming to work and I am hoping to get distracted. But I am waiting on others to give me some tasks to do so I am just poking around on the internet.

I kind of think I should have considered the residential treatment program two month ago more than I did but I don't know. I had been doing okay I guess until this week when everything has been going to pieces. Just trying to stay in my right mind and not get too unsettled.

Thanks for asking SP.

Stash is sleeping in her hammock.

Exactly 4 weeks from today is her spay surgery. I am glad I can’t wait for her to feel better because I’m sure she’s been uncomfortable through all this.

I'm pretty sure she was born in October, not exactly sure when in October though. I got her the week before Thanksgiving and she was very small. So I'm probably just gonna celebrate her 1st birthday on Halloween. That's easy to remember and is around the time frame she was born. Maybelle turns 14 years old next spring.

I wonder if I can put my Christmas tree up around Christmas. I didn't put one up last year because she was so small and was getting into everything and I didn't want her to knock it over on herself or get into the wires. But I think I may be able to put it up next time because she'll be older and calmer and I will supervise her when it's turned on and unplug it when I go to sleep and whenever I'm not home.

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She's getting everything when she gets her spay surgery.

All her shots, nail trimming, flea treatment, feline leukemia test, etc all are being done the same day of her surgery. I put every package into the appointment so everything can be taken care of in one trip.

I’m really excited about my apartments Memorial Day food and games thing next Tuesday. Should be fun.

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I didn't want to get out of bed this morning - Took 1x Vyvanse instead of 2x, thought I could have a relaxing day.. but can't focus + all of the chores that need to be done, bothers me more than anything.. Now everything is done and I think.. idk, cuz I went to bed very early yesterday - Wanted to avoid life..

I contacted my therapist via email and let her know what was going on with me. She hasn't gotten back to me yet but she might be in the middle of appointments and can't get back to me. I told her I would update her if I go to the ER for mental health reasons.

My boss still hasn't gotten back to me. This makes me pretty nervous. I am trying to decide if I should send her an apology on Microsoft Teams for basically word vomiting on her twice yesterday. Or just let it ride. Definitely not my finest moment at work. But also not how I usually behave at work. So hopefully I will get some grace. I'm just not sure what to do. I have about 3 hours left of work. So I don't know if I should just wait it out and see if she gets back to me or apologize in advance. My Schizoaffective was definitely not in my control yesterday. Sigh.

The anti-anxiety medication that I took this morning is still making me pretty chill so that's good. Not sure what is going to happen when it wears off though.

I don't know what to do about the customer that was causing me all that stress two days ago. They haven't gotten back to me, and I sent the last email to them so I am just waiting on some sort of response. I miss my old supervisor. She would have taken care of this for me and dealt with it. She thought it was part of her job to deal with problem clients. I don't know if it is or isn't but I'm not going to reach out to that client anymore this week. I'll ask my supervisor sometime next week if she wants me to follow up. Hard to say.

HUGS everyone!

I sent my boss an apology Teams message for word vomiting on her yesterday, twice. I think I was much more clear and succinct in my message this time around and hopefully was able to show I had a plan of action for dealing with my mental illness at work. Although I did tell her I needed help managing the work stress regarding a particular client. So we will see if she responds. I hate back and forth conversations when it would be easier to pick up the phone. But it's also less embarrassing this way.

I am craving skittles or starburst

I don't know if I want to go to Aftercare tonight. I will probably feel guilty if I don't go but I kind of just want to veg out in front of the TV. Not sure if that is a bad coping mechanism or not though. It's definitely what I plan to do tomorrow night.

Anxiety is creeping up again. I think the medication is wearing off.

Kind of annoyed that my boss did not get back to me today. Means I will still have to stress tonight. Maybe she is just ignoring it. IDK.

So I realize (More than usual), that I HAVE to do the morning THINGS.. Or else I feel WORSE than NOT doing them.. So I'll continue to keep going.. Life is getting super difficult - I just have to be myself, not care what others think.. But I trust other people on how to navigate our lives while on this particular space rock.

This afternoon has been good though - I started looking around on Steam for games.. I want to make use out of the new MacBook Pro.. Just.. am bad at time management. I'm not quite sure what I'm doing.

Hugs Desoxyn my friend

I think my mom is manic. But she never has been not manic.

I tried to draw bulbasaur, it’s a Pokémon.

It’s bad compared to how I used to draw. I was in Advanced placement art in high school and took an art class in college but it’s been like 2 or 3 years since I’ve even tried to draw anything, my hand is so unsteady now