Roll Call 193

All this talk of food is making me hungry! Lol!

Took phenibut without tolerance and went into a deep-dream sleep. Very very very deep sleep. I feel good now.. Refreshed, as if I was someone that took Xyrem (GHB) for narcolepsy.

Hyper too, focused..

I have no idea what I'm doing anymore - But I'll try and enjoy being scattered, but focused, in the THINGS.. That's what I want..

Heard back a day early from my doctor.

Good news - no diabetes. Lithium levels were fine, but my doctor checked with the psychiatrist and they think it’s best I get off lithium so they’re switching me to lamotrigine.

Hopefully this thirstiness goes away. Can’t be good for my kidneys to drink so much liquid. I’m annoyed having to go through the drink then go pee cycle over and over again.

But I’m just happy it’s not diabetes.

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Great news, cogladaid! Have you been on lamotrigine before? I hope that the thirstiness goes away! That is definitely an annoying feeling. I get that occasionally (usually when I haven't drank enough water for the day) but it usually goes away quickly. I had a blood test for my doctor appointment on June 30th this past Saturday and I am worried about diabetes too. My AIC goes between 5.7 and 5.8 which is pre-diabetes. Sigh. My mom is diabetic and I am overweight so I assume it is a matter of time.

I haven’t been on lamotrigine before, no. I was on valproic acid for a little bit years ago (but it made me super depressed), and have been on lithium for a little over a year. It was working well controlling my mood, so it’s a little sad that this is popping up now and I have to switch.

I heard about the rash I’m supposed to watch out for. I hope that I don’t have any side effects on it.

Going to pick it up later from the pharmacy.

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Good news!

Left another message for my psych that I am / was manic lol. Why is it so hard to hear back from them?

I don't understand what I've been saying

Anyone knows, it would be helpful to prevent a spiral. Because I can't do this anymore.

So many people.. deal with this same thing. All connected, looking for a good life. But for some reason, I think I'm dealing with something rare. I'm not sure. I honestly don't know.

Invega either works really well for psychosis btw or I'm cured.

HUGS Desoxyn. Hang in there......we care about you!

I wish I could write poems, songs - To explain things. It would mean practicing guitar. I don't know why my dad took his guitar back. I didn't practice. I was being taught.. I have my moms anxiety - and it's not cool. I fell out with the band. It lasted a few months - I spent the rest of the years alone. It's not good enough (What I've done instead - But it is to me - I just wish I could explain it), I'm not able to make sense of my life. I feel so different - And maybe I'll realize that I'm not.. It just doesn't make sense to me - Maybe lack of common sense.

I really have a "party" as a psych ward friend would say - I do it alone all of the time. It's misery. I'd hate to go back to how I was. I want change.

I am having the bosses over for dinner tonight. Salad. Lasagna. Bread. They are bringing dessert. I am kind of anxious but it should be okay. We have had a few of them over before. Just one person is new. I always like to leave a good impression.

My work friend bailed on me early today. I know she has been really stressed out.

I spend all day with an empty in tray at work. Time to go home and someone dumps a ton of papers in there! Argh. At least I will have something to do tomorrow, I guess!

Aching from pain. I feel bad for my family, having to deal with me.

"Are you on stimulants for ADHD? If your dose is too high, you can absolutely get that sort of apathetic feeling, or just downright depressed... I actually found reducing my doses, or, at the very least, taking breaks from the stimulants, significantly improves my mood. It almost works better the less I take. It's a balance. 40-60mg of Adderall/ everyday, and I'm a total zombie. If I'm going to take it everyday, 15-20mg seems to be perfect without that 'zombie' apathy affect. Just something I've noticed from years of being on it. More is NOT always better!!! Save the big 40mg doses for when I truly NEED a serious level of focus... Every day, no"

I just have to be honest about everything. Idk

Edit: Ignore me, really... I'm so..

Edit: I have so many problems I don't even know where to begin.

I think mindfulness?? Will help?? **** idk

I thought it was gone but olanzepine just lessens the severity. This is what the problem is!

Couldn’t believe it…the entire iced coffee section was empty 🫣

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And if you're feeling paranoid.. what the hell does that mean?

You'd rather be alone.. anonymously

I'm gonna try and contact my therapist cuz I feel good rn - And I want to prevent the 70% other times that I feel bad.

There was a fire in the building next to ours. We all had to evacuate at 3am and just were allowed to come back inside at 4:30am. Whole street is blocked off and filled with fire trucks etc. I can smell the smoke in my apartment even an hour and a half after the fire started, and with my windows closed

I guess there was concern that it could catch our building on fire because it’s so close

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That’s super scary…glad you’re ok.

Is it possible that your stimulants cause psychosis?

That's scary, Blue_Bird! Glad you are okay!

I am waiting on a coworker to send me an invoice so I can set up which bills to pay today. I asked him about an hour ago for the invoice and he still hasn't sent it. Sigh. I'm trying to be patient but it's like, c'mon. I have a job to do too.