Roll Call 193

At least my anxiety is better! ATM anyhow.

That is my great fear (Biggest fear..). They've been taken away 10 times - "Let's see how you do without the stimulant" - Words I hate hearing..

But it's the same with or without.. except without, I sleep constantly and get akathisia..

If things get really bad, my only med will be clozapine. So that's in the back on my mind..

Although I forgot about that. I just have to try harder to snap out of bad thoughts and appreciate that it could be worse.

But today is good! It's 1141am, sitting outside in the sun with a coffee =]

Going to the movie theater with my friend on Saturday to see the new Jurassic World: Dominion movie. Should be fun.

My sleep schedule is all thrown off because off having to evacuate at 3am, when I got back inside the building at 4:30 I fell asleep around 5 and slept till 10:30 when 5am is normally when I wake up for the day. I'll get back on track tomorrow.

I texted my care manager yesterday to set up a time for us to meet for her to help me with filling out the application and resume for the library job. She hasn't gotten back to me yet though, she might not be working this week, I'm not sure. Occasionally she goes on vacation or sometimes gets sick so it's possible she's not in the office at the moment.

I've been eating very balanced lately. Like I eat a big variety of things, a lot of vegetables and healthy foods but I also have foods that aren't the most healthy occasionally in a couple meals throughout the week like Jalapeno poppers, or lasagna and Texas toast, etc And I think that's a good way to do things because I feel way too deprived when I just eat salads and stuff like that 24/7, I feel like I'm eating enough now and also enjoying my food while at the same time eating healthier compared to how I was eating

Have you ever been on a really low dose of AP with no stim? It all about balances and I feel like some pdocs ramp everything up too far.

Stash's spay surgery is one week from today! I'm so excited for her, she's gonna feel much better. She also gets her shots, nails trimmed, feline Leukemia test, flea treatment etc that same day too

I'm kind of stressed because I have 3 dentist appointments, on June 20th, June 23rd, and June 24th. The first two appointments are for fillings, the last one is for a root canal. It's just annoying because the temporary crown they put in will have to stay in for a month or so until the permanent one is made and put in. The temporary ones come out fairly easily so I'm gonna have to be careful with what I eat/how I eat for a month. Last time I had a root canal and temporary crown it fell out within like a week of getting it

Oh Christ SP.. It sounds like a good idea.. But am scared cuz I'm doing so well in general - Just when I was on 2mg of risperidone, I always stopped it from tiredness.

I went around a year without the stimulant and I was also so tired. I spent a long time just sleeping 16-18 hours a day (But I was on equivalent of ~30mg Abilify every day).

You're right though - The psychiatrists always up the dose of meds.. It's insane.

Imagine.. 5mg of olanzepine and atenolol.. maybe a sleep med. Possible low dose stim. It could work. I'll keep it in mind if things go too south =[

Not saying you should try but which came first the stim or the psychosis?

I'm always so scared of my meds being changed. Yet a new psychiatrist usually changes them. I was doing good from 2018-2020 but 2021 was sui thoughts quite a bit.

But I was also microdosing a little.. So I stopped that.

And the way personally of what I think helps.. I also have to take into consideration what my family/psychiatrist thinks about my progress..

Hugs desoxyn…maybe it’s time to stop experimenting though idk?

Definitely don’t do it on your own…..only with pdoc….it could make things worse. Supposedly each relapse makes it harder to treat.

Psychosis came first before I took any med/drug. I complained about depression. But agitation was my main complaint.

At the time, I was also in a bad environment (Abuse, neglect, isolation - All of these were severe).

But 4 years before positive symptoms, I had bad negative symptoms.

Yes.. I made a decision to stop experimenting.. I will likely stick to it..

Yeah, she is going to feel so much better!

I am feeling pretty off lately. My therapist doesn't seem to understand that I like progress and productivity. I don't know if I can stay with her.

I feel the symptoms of depression and she just talks to me about self-compassion and stuff. I mean that stuff is not going to help my depression.

My psychosis came first too by several years…I can’t help but feel that the APs cause the adhd in some of us…..I used to have awesome focus. In my case though the AP dose is low so it’s not impossible to overcome. That’s why I was wondering……but if you’re having derealization that’s due to the stim odds are your stim is too high compared to olanzapine right?

How much were you sleeping? I sleep ten to twelve hours typically.

I feel like T’s rely on pdoc to solve depression even though cbt is really helpful for mild depression. I also feel like good T’s are rare.

Yeah true. I mean I've had a T before that actually helped with depression and mood stuff. Because I take meds, but meds are not the whole equation for depression. In fact, for me, I feel like they are less of the equation than what I do to make myself feel better. So hearing a therapist say that I should actually do less is very invalidating to me.

Sorry, WA. Depression sucks!! I hope your T can adapt to better ways to help you. Yes self compassion is good, but so is strategies for dealing with your depression. I hope you feel better soon.

Agreed. Good T's are rare!

I am getting a headache

My doc told me to half my lithium and go on lamotrigine. So I halved it last night and this morning (pharmacy didn’t have the lamotrigine ready yesterday so I’m picking it up after work today). I feel pretty awesome right now.

Im tired because I haven’t been sleeping well (constantly thirsty in the middle of the night) but I feel excited and just want to do things.

I know this is a sign my mood is a little unstable (even after halving for one day!) but I’ll enjoy it while I can!

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I am ready for it to be the weekend! Lol