Roll Call 193

Yeah for me self care often works for milder depression….and it helps to have someone rake that for you and offer ideas.

It’s like the weather…enjoy it while it’s good!

In 2020, the DP/DR usually happened when the stim wore off. But I also smoke a little weed every day - So that could be the cause of the derealization.

My mom HATES that I smoke it.. We were watching a documentary about a suicide related to schizophrenia and there was video of the guy smoking weed and my mom said "Did you realize how I zeroed in on that?" - Because weed wasn't mentioned in the documentary.

The reason I smoke it.. or really, do anything like this - Is cuz of objective paranoia.. the government is not to be trust/psychiatry trusted less too..

The derealization is mild - But can cause problems with me complaining to my family (And they don't really know what the hell I'm talking about)..

I try SP.. I don't want to deal with this stuff - But I'm consumed. The conspiracies and lateral thinking... finding connections.. magical thinking.. coincidences and synchronicities. I need to save myself, know about dangers. Idk. I'll try to ease on everything and relax.

I'm going to Mexico for holiday soon - My dad will come to visit. There's things to look forward too - The pandemic etc.. made everyones mental health worse. So people look at my mental health and say "It's not that bad" when before the pandemic, I could have been hospitalized.

My focus is very good - It's just my concentration.. And I'm so much more aware now - It's just too much information about life, quotes, cliches, meanings, advise, rules, responsibilities, realization of consequences - I'm better than before and during that time when I was bad, I was neglected. So it's different now.. I'm doing better but everyone is on me, making it seem worse. So I learn about what it takes to concentrate, find meaning in life, enjoy myself. My focus was bad since I was born. Very bad.

The basement was a bad time. I want to prevent anything like that ever happening again lol..

I sleep 10-12 hours a night as well - Fully. I don't really wake up in the middle of the night (Just to drink some water).

I'm doing OK believe me😭

Trying to! But sucks I’m in the office today with no work to do so I’m just booooorrreeeddd. Wikipedia only entertained me for so long lol.

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It surely can't be healthy to be on high dose AP and stim though. I'll get this sorted out eventually. I said it is only supposed to be a short term thing - Until I get my life sorted out.

I'll go for a walk and listen to a good podcast. It's a really nice/sunny day out.

I'm just afraid of bears though..

Eat the bears.

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W3schools? Are you beyond that skill level now?

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Yeah my pdoc said weed is terrible for this, but I’ve never gotten anywhere near trying it and I still have this garbage. It won’t help your paranoia though, you need the AP for that. You might be at a balance point for you given the amount you’re sleeping now is about as good as it gets. I still say cbt could help you…it changes the way that you frame things.

I’m still kinda negative but often can reframe to a slightly more positive view.

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Eh I got lots of things I could learn but I’m just not feeling like learning too much now. I’m picky with my boredom cures.

Thanks for the suggestion though!

I got about an hour and a half left I’ll scroll Facebook and bug my mom while lip syncing music.

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Yeah I really need therapy.. ill call my therapists office today after the walk.

She has bad ADHD so our talks are really scattered/tangential but I just need input on the way that I think (Negative, cognitive distortions etc) and how to change it.

She always refers me to the community centre - But I tried that and I'm too shy I guess to participate in activities/events alone.

It helps me when I go into therapy sessions to write notes beforehand for the therapist so they know what to help me with... I don't know if that's something you've tried?

What if I'm just autistic with trauma😭

Anyways, this has been a really nice walk. I'm gonna find a bench to read - No distractions. I should do this more often.

I'll post pics later =]

I'm so glad that your bldg didn't get on fire, although I'm sorry for the bldg neighbors.

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Scary. I am glad you're ok!

My best friend from high school and I are planning on a trip to London, England together in a few years. It's gonna take a few years of both of us saving money, planning, and researching but we're gonna do it! We both want to have more experiences, and neither of us has been out of the country before, we're both getting kind of frustrated that we're both 28 years old and don't have many fun experiences in life, going different places, etc

Called my psych today & I’m seeing him Tuesday to discuss mania and med adjustment even though I’ve tried calling for a week just up my Seroquel, bro.

My mania was a blessing.
I might elaborate sometime.

This sounds wonderful, Blue_Bird! I want to go to Ethiopia and Shetland but I am not even in the planning stages yet!

Glad you are seeing your Psych soon! Hope the appointment goes well.

I don't get mania but sometimes I feel like some of my mental illness symptoms are a blessing. Sometimes a curse! Maybe they are both!!

Well my work stress should be better. The bosses either went back to NY or went on to Las Vegas for a trade convention. Either way, the office feels more peaceful today. Although it is going to be one long day because I do not have very much to do. Ugh. I am so tempted to go home early but I should just stay and get paid. I am taking next Friday off already so I don't want to be seen as being too flaky. But it is 8:22 AM and I am already out of work for the day. Ugh.

I am listening to a philosophy podcast this morning. It is good. I was gonna complain about how I have no work, and I still feel like I ought to have a job, etc., and that I ought to send out resumes, and cover letters, and what not, but I realize I have it pretty good right now.

I am changing meds to risperidone, which is something I'm glad for, as the olanzapine was causing a lot of weight gain. This is in concert with my psychiatrist, of course.

I am feeling pretty positive this morning.

Glad to hear you are feeling pretty positive, WA! That's awesome!