Roll Call 193

Have a dentist appointment in a couple hours

Lately, I feel like my friends don't understand me when I try to explain about problems with accessing care for my mental health. I also don't feel like I have a lot of options for my mental health. It is making me feel depressed. I try to explain to my friends but they don't get it. I also don't feel encouraged or supported by my friends (in real life, not on here). I try to tell them what would be encouraging to hear, and I had to tell one friend that what she told me kind of hurt my feelings but I am remembering that she cares about me and that I think she loves me (she never really says it so I don't know for sure). I feel like I am all alone, cast about with no way to get appropriate help.

Unfortunately MI seems to be entirely misunderstood so it more like the norm to get people who don’t understand.

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Yeah, agreed. Just having a harder time with it than normal. Feeling ostracised.

Just got back from the dentist. Got several fillings. Have another appointment to start the root canal tomorrow. They said it will take a few appointments to do it because it’s a molar and has a lot of nerves and stuff.

I also have another appointment in August for my final filling

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Got out of bed at 140pm.

This life tires me. I don't want to face the day. lol

Hope your root canal goes well! HUG

I have a dentist appointment next Monday. I have benign tumors in my mouth and I have an irritated spot in the back of my mouth and I swear there is bone sticking out of the gum. So, naturally I want to get that looked at. Last time I didn't and a little sliver of bone came out eventually but it was super painful!

Thank you! I hope you can get everything taken care of so it doesn't bother/hurt you anymore

I managed to stay busy for most of the day today at work. But now I am not busy and I am making myself miserable. It's like my brain keeps going over and over things and won't stop. Feeling alone in the world. Feeling like no one cares. (I know you all care!) Feeling stuck. I am waiting for my T to text me back. She will probably text me back at like midnight. Lol. That's what happens on her busy days and I think Thursday is one of her busy days. I have Aftercare tonight. I don't feel like going but I need to because I missed last week because my sister was here. Just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend like I don't exist. Maybe everyone wants me to disappear.

I think I need a strong cup of coffee, and then I will try.

I've changed passed few days. I have no idea what I'm doing. I hate self too.

Hugs Desoxyn. Hugs my friend. I love you very much.

I am feeling some self hatred/loathing at the moment too. So I feel your pain.

But you know what? Screw it. We are worthy of love, of care, and of compassion. No matter what we are struggling with, no matter what we have overcome we are worthy because we are. We exist. And that's enough. We try. And that's enough. Stay strong my friend. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe not. But one of these stinking days it has to get better. HUG

You're right and that's super uplifting so thank you for that.

NMDA receptor - Wikipedia

I'm getting ideas from SP. This receptor seems to be the cause of my prollems.

I need an agonist.. Not antagonist..

I'll ask my psychiatrist about Caplyta (Lumateperone).

I'm gonna stop the Dexedrine for a few days because I feel very sick.. Dizzy sick.. Or dopamine depleted sick..

I said to my mom that I wanted to stop the Invega and she's highly against that... But lumateperone would be very good...

In the meantime, I'm gonna try and meditate for a few days as well. This is really a time that I need to be THINKING.. PLANNING.. etc.. Cuz I have no idea what I'm doing. It's constant overwhelming stress.

I'll try sarcosine again as well.. Cuz I'm not scared of heart palps anymore..

Brain fog from COVID can last weeks

I ate 1g of vitamin C

I'm looking at nootropics again. I need those.. - I've had enough of euphoriants. I just want to improve my life.

NMDA agonists are neurotoxic that’s why everything surrounds the dopamine receptor instead because there is like a feedback loop. Have you ever tried Abilify it’s a partial agonist….they’re all very similar.

Be aware nicotine is still bad for your heart in any form….

Hi friends. I feel a little better today. I had a really good aftercare session last night. We did a song share. This is the song I shared. FYI/Trigger it's a Christian song.

Then we did a worksheet about something we want to change and how we are going to be able to accomplish that. I said I wanted to be a better advocate for myself.

Then the second hour we did the um game which is basically answering a bunch of random questions. It's like team building or something. There were only three of us in the group and the therapists and two of us had seen the scheduled Ted Talk so they decided to do the um game instead. It was fun. Always on the nights when I don't feel like going to Aftercare it's like the best night ever! I'm glad I went!

Heading to my dentist appointment soon

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Hope it goes well, Blue_Bird!

Four of my friends are travelling back from Israel, but they got delayed and missed their connecting flights in Munich. They are in a group of like 70 people so rebooking all those people to the US is going to be hard. Then to make matters worse, I guess the weather is bad there and they grounded the planes. I guess they are not making it back to the US today! I guess that is one of the difficulty with traveling. You gotta be flexible. I told them on WhatsApp that I was glad they were traveling together and had each other to keep them company! Hope they don't have to spend like 48 hours or something in the airport. That would be not too fun.

Sheesh. I am bored at work today. I did a lot of work yesterday. I should have held some over until today.

I sent my parents a text message with an image of the tattoo that I am planning to get on the 2nd. Technically I am an adult and can do whatever I want, but since I live with them, I try to take their wishes into account.

Communicating by text with my parents is how I usually bring up difficult topics.

I think my Dad will be fine with it but I can guarantee my Mom won't be happy.

I usually call them on my lunch break....in about half an hour, so I might get an earful then!

The root canal went okay, it took over an hour and I had my mouth open the entire time which sucked. I have another appointment in August to finish the root canal, they said it should hopefully only take one more appointment to finish it. So I have my last fillings on August 15th and my root canal is being finished on August 18th Then hopefully I'm done with dental work and can just keep up with regular cleanings and exams, and hopefully never have to do this crap again

HUGS Blue_Bird! I am proud of you for getting the dental work done! That's not an easy thing to do but it is great self care. Well done!