Roll Call 194

Nvm did not do this.

That sounds great. Art is good for me. My form of art is writing.

I'm supposed to run a half-marathon in two weeks with my brother. I don't know if it's going to happen.

Ah heck I think I'll just do it.

Oh **** sake what a life that has happen

We are all in our own solipsism. No judgement needed. I wish I could have more spiritual thoughts. I am a new soul, destroyed by it all.

Life is so ****ing difficult that I can't take it - I'm not complaining (Maybe?) - It's a bit much!

If I were younger, I'd take a bunch of shrooms and end up in the ER.

I should go for a summer night walk and listen to some podcast.. Lately, I've just been so afraid of people..

I was happy, alone during the summers of 2019 and 2020. The parties helped stimulate my mind, chaos. It calms me down - But back then, it traumatized me.

So much sadness.. I've had so many insights, alone. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. I would love to go to a music festival.

I remember saying my 20's would suck (On here.. when I was turning 20). Half way through, it has been hella good - All because of the trip (But shh.. You take meds to block LSD feelings - You're good..).. and I've learned/experienced a lot. Idk what would have happened if I didn't make those friends in 2018 when I moved to this hippie town. I would have completely lost hope, being in isolation for so long.

I can't believe all of what has happened..

LEARN RULES TO THE ROAD
ORGANIZE MORE
OVERCOME MUSIC ADDICTION - MAKE TIME TO WATCH VIDEOS
Listen to an hour of a podcast every day
Play the guitar again (You don't have to master it -Just try it out again..)
Fast for a few days + Learn more about it
Revise bookmarks
Give people compliments
Meditate
Get absorbed in articles that you're reading instead of skimming so much
Read more books
Make a YouTube channel - Get familiar with pharmacology - Or even neuropsychopharmacology and make that your niche.. You have lots of time.. Just focus, and you can do many things.. More ideas.. - Realize that your focus is horrible BUT you can overcome this problem.
Write a list of 100 dreams

Colored my hair. Me and my mom did it. I posted a pic on facebook this morning and my hair stylist freaked out. She called me all mad at me because I did it at home and didn't go to her. I didn't really have the extra money right now and I didn't want the blonde anymore. So I had to keep talking with her via text until she calmed down. I was like, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

What color is it?

Brown with a little bit of auburn in it.

I'm sad today. Sigh.

I'm miserable today. I'm sick of doing things. Sick of living. It's so much to handle. I'm alone too and have so many problems that it's unimaginable to even have any straight thoughts. But I won't give up. Although I wish I passed out and died. I need mercy.

Nice. Is that your natural color or close to it?

I cut my long hair off about three weeks ago. It was about 18 inches long. I wore that style for 20 years so the change was a shock to some. Most people like my new hair style.

My hair color is dark brown.

Yeah, my natural hair color is brown with a little blonde in it.

I had gotten highlights of more blonde starting last year. But each time my stylist did it I got more and more blonde. I wanted to go back to brown.

Was having some catatonia yesterday

I had that I think - Last week.. I'm not sure what helped with it though. I just became so confused that I could barely move, talk. Hugs.

Thanks Desoxyn. I'm also having apathy and anhedonia. Sucks. I hate when I feel unwell.

I think my mental health is getting worse. I'm doing everything I know to do but it's not working.

I have a reddish tinge to my hair due to the sun.

Some of us at work were talking about dying our hair outrageous colors. I'd like to try it once and if I do, I would dye it blue. It would require bleaching first though. Have you thought about doing this too?

I'd never go blonde. It would look ridiculous with my skin color, dark brown eyes and black eyebrows.

my niece has blue hair. It looks cute on her.

My therapist has pink hair. Light pink though, not bright pink.

Blonde looked okay on me, I'm just tired of it though. I have blue eyes and fair skin.

Hugs... Same thing for me. Except I self medicate - And my mom gets mad at me for it yet she drinks so much and would get into toxic relationships.

I'm not sure if it matters what you do - Whatever works.. But sometimes things just don't work - And you need to have hope. Because it's waves, trial and error.. You can't give up friend

What awaits... in this magical, beautiful life - Is like your best memories. Just moments.. They keep us happy. Some people don't make it, get into negative thought patterns... So therapy would help for sure. Or someone that cares. I care about you, everyone.. Often not myself though.

HUGS Desoxyn. Thanks. I care about you too. Kit

NSA watches my cry through webcam

I've got black gooey stuff coming out of my arms. My T says it is psychosis. but I don't think so.

A picture showed up in my Facebook memories today from 3 years ago. It’s a pic of myself, I was smiling and look happy, but I was really skinny. Like I was eating a small bowl of oatmeal two times a day and that’s around the time I ended up The ER at one point due to feeling like I was going to pass out and I had an abnormal heart rhythm, and was dehydrated too so had to have IV fluids.

Anyway my point is it frustrates me because I see that picture and don’t think about how bad I was doing like I should, I think wow I looked good, I want to get back to that weight

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk