Roll Call 194

Nope. You're a great person. We all understand. I always appreciate your posts.

Also I hate how people have gotten "back to normal," whatever that means. It just seems like I am not in a good headspace right now, and others are.

I spoke with my case manager today, she said she spoke with the person who is in charge of the volunteering at the place I want to volunteer at and he said he'd be able to take me on, I will have a meeting with him soon to figure out days/hours they are just not sure what day/time yet

So for the better part of when the pandemic began until a month or so ago I spent most of my time in bed, in my room, not going anywhere or talking to anyone , rarely leaving and rarely cleaning, never exercising , rarely showering, not being on a good sleep schedule etc. The only breaks I got from it were a couple hypomanic/some slight manic episodes that my psychiatrist dealt with and handled quickly before they got worse. So the manic thing has been in control for a long time because the meds I'm on help that a lot, I don't do reckless stuff anymore like I did many years ago. And I didn't think I was having depressive episodes because I wasn't suicidal like I was in my last big depressive episode years ago. But I had to be somewhat to be living like that on and off for so long and I pretty much wouldn't realize how crappy I had been living until whenever I would come out of it. And I'm doing well now. Like I'm dealing with anxiety and occasional other symptoms but I I'm finally in a period where I'm doing well overall. I am in a routine I've maintained for a couple months with sleep,meds, food, etc. I go outside. I do things. I clean a lot. I see people, I socialize. I don't stay inside all day everyday, I exercise, I make somewhat healthier food choices. The whole 2 years of 2020 to 2022 was a blur

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

I don't know if anyone would find this useful but there's this app that is kind of like a mindfulness reminder app without being super intrusive like an alarm you set on your phone or something like that. It's called "Healing Your Thoughts." Anyway, I think they have an app for both Android and Apple. There's no subscription stuff. It's $1.99, or at least was when I bought it. It has helped me just with affirmations and thinking positively and stuff like that.

Severely lacking motivation. But I'll try and act like I have it!.. + 8mg of nicotine gum - I'll see if that does anything.

What to Do When You Have No Motivation

My main problem is that I don't feel like myself.. I need help. I do embrace the absurdity of reality.

+ The corruption news.., my brother said that it's a bunch of drama (And it is). I listened to a really good podcast, walking in nature - I just hate being so apathetic and not able to do much..

I feel like something is seriously wrong with me

Supposedly motivation comes in the midst of doing…so pushing yourself to start can increase motivation….

Yeah I find that is almost always true too. I have to start something before the motivation comes because it rarely comes before

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Going grocery shopping in a little while

On the bus going home. Spent $99. My typical grocery trip costs me around $60-70. Things are so expensive

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It’s also 99 degrees outside today. I’m glad the bus came quick. I wasn’t feeling good out in the heat. Two APs make it hard to handle heat. And I forgot to bring water with me

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Prices a ridiculous right now…hopefully they go down now that gas is decreasing.

I ate something and felt better. I didn't eat much for like a week (Extra Dexedrines), low blood sugar I think. This has been happening on and off for decade (I just don't notice).

But I felt almost comatose, sinking into a black hole.

I learn about the world through corruption news.. But should read a history book or something.. I'll keep trying to make an effort to read (It worked last year - And I never really read throughout my life.. Still managed to read a few books at that time...)

I'd like to learn about different countries, learn languages again.. Slowly, I will come around... I need to prioritize more important things - But also try to be happier, make the effort.. choice.

Since 3 days ago, I've only been taking my meds (As prescribed), phenibut, coffee and nicotine. It's good enough. I had a talk with my mom after telling her that I'm not messing around with impulsivity etc "But still feel really bad - It's been like this when I was 16.. before any drugs or meds".. I just need to reorientate..

Many people posting here are also similar (Anxious, depressed, disorganized) - Newtus did something really cool these past few years.. We give her a little advice and then wooosh, overcomes so many things. Still, we all struggle lots..

I'm going for a walk with my mom when she finishes work... I need to not be so clingy to death, flirting with the thing.

I'll drink another coffee see if that does something.

Got a calendar of events in the building for the month. There's national s'mores day, two social coffee and tea days, one bingo day, two grab and Go health snack days, one ice cream social day, and then of course the tenants meeting at the end of the month.

They stopped all this stuff the past two years due to covid but they're starting to have events again

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

S’mores are so good….I just saw a homemade s’mores pop tart on FB. Glad they’re starting stuff again.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

This is true. It gets easier w/ practice.

Recently I've been setting timers for just 5 minutes on my watch. Then if I want to continue doing something, I'll continue the timer for another 5 minutes, etc. etc.

That said I feel like garbage right now. Just not wanting to go to my parents' house for dinner. I feel too depressed.

I feel like buying a book or something.