Roll Call 195

Lately, I've been on a grilled cheese kick. They had them at the inpatient hospital. So I had one like every day and they microwaved them. (They must have made them in the morning or something.) So ever since I realized you can make them ahead of time and microwave them, I've been eating grilled cheese a lot more. Except that it kind of reminds me of the hospital when I do that, but it wasn't too bad staying there for the most part, so it's not like traumatizing to eat the grilled cheese.

I live with my parents. They help with stuff like grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, etc. Sometimes they get on my nerves (more my Mom than my Dad) but I'd say 95% of the time we get on well. It feels "safer" at home.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this too. I mostly have one task at work that I am not thrilled about and sooner or later I need to do it. But I've pretty much done nothing all day. When I am at home I just spend my time watching TV unless I'm in therapy or group therapy. I don't know if it is depression kicking up, or the increase in the Olanzapine, or what exactly. I have a feeling my pdoc isn't going to care about this when I talk to him tomorrow. But I feel like it is a "significant" symptom.

Maybe I should take Friday off and have a four day weekend. Hmm. For those who are not in the U.S.A. it's Labor day on Monday. Not everyone gets the day off, but everyone at my workplace does.

Sorry you are experiencing these symptoms @SlumberKitty. Negative symptoms I absolutely despise even more so than the positive symptoms at least for me I think this way.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Thank you. I do find the negative symptoms very hard to deal with. I mean, psychosis isn't great either, but lack of motivation, lack of energy, lack of pleasure, lack of wanting to do anything, I mean this stuff sucks.

Yeah, I'm going to take Friday off and have a four day weekend. The break will do me good I think.

It’s Labor Day in Canada too.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks, I didn't know that.

Do you get the day off cogladaid?

Where I used to work we didn't get it off but at this job I've gotten it off every year as a holiday so for the past 6 years now I have gotten it off. Before then I always worked on Labor Day.

Yeah we get the day off of work. I also am taking Thursday and Friday off because I have an allergist appointment Thursday morning and decided I wanted an extra long weekend. Not that I’m doing much else.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I have my CT scan tomorrow night. From neck down through abdomen.



I know I know. I just can’t help myself. It’s in my head. Calories this and calories that.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah, I feel better at home too. I am moving asap. So just gotta get my stuff out of my other place. I found it really isolating living alone, especially without a job.

Hoping your CT scan goes well and that they can see whatever it is they need to see. HUGS Kit

Yes....the isolation......

Psychosis is a pain in the you know what….it had me living on the streets for a while. But the lack of will to do anything ain’t no picnic either. I find that these days my meds are working well enough because when I was without them for just a little bit my delusional symptoms started to rear their ugly head. Have a wonderful or best you can rest of your day

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I live with my mom and we get along really well. My dad who is now deceased had undiagnosed mental health issues and was an alcoholic and made our lives a chaotic mess so my mom was always there to act as the sane person in the room.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I buy these things called toaster grills and they are a frozen grilled cheese you microwave for thirty seconds then out in the toaster, they come out perfect!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Diet Dr Pepper is my jam! Have you tried, Diet Dr Pepper Cream Soda? It's even better!

Cog, from the pictures you use to share on Facebook of your meals, you eat extremely healthy. You kick *** there

Day went well. I sent in my book for a competition, first prize is pretty awesome, so we'll see. It wont be read until the fall though. I hope it gets a fair shake. 149 pages. Honestly, I might not be able to write a book better than this. This is my 100%. I hope I win it so I can get it edited professionally without cost, first prize also comes with getting it published. If it wins, then I'm going to send it to a podcast I'm a big fan of, and to a guy who was just interviewed on it.

I'm doing pretty good, feeling pretty optimistic about this contest. If it loses, then I have more time to write and perfect it, so it's not a big loss. = )

God those sound great!I Havent had a grilled cheese... since yesterday haha, it was great because I think they used this creamy cheese with avacados, but none were better than this brewery, god, the best grilled cheese ever, and they got rid of them, what a sin!

That's great! Hope your book wins for sure!

Haha. Yeah, but the last couple years I’ve gone off the rails with no working out and gained a bunch of weight also from drinking too and my doctors tell me I have to lose weight and something snapped and I’m back to crazy obsessed I can’t help myself I just have to lose weight. It’s complicated and I can’t stop myself.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It's been almost 2 weeks without weed. My executive functioning is pretty good.. Systematic chaos is my goal. Reality is absurd, but manageable.

I haven't missed a dose of dextroamphetamine since 2019 (And that's when things started to improve) + Integrating the psilocybin trips (90% integrated now).

Idk what to do now though.. I'd like to read books - But I prefer listening to podcasts.. My auditory comprehension used to be really bad in school (I just didn't listen and couldn't follow stories/instructions). But now, I've been listening to podcasts every day for over 5 years.

During these past 5 years, I've improved a lot... I have days that are super horrible still... But I must keep trying..

I think that low doses of stimulants are neuroprotective (Protects immature neurons and stimulates growth of new ones) - Cuz practice of what I'm generally doing every day, the brain molds itself to that... The weed helped a little (Immersion enhancement), my doctor (Putting me down for delusions of grandeur, realizing that life is life), my mom (Life orientated/unconditional love, listening to psychiatrists), my dad (Crazy himself, stigmatizes schiz in a funny way), SP (The shamanism thing), talking to autistic people and research chemical friends, moving out of isolation.. So I then have the most profound, yet useless realization... life.

But also to meditate.. The fasting, exercise, learning,.. It's all good stuff. I know that I'll have sui moments and drug addictions - But in general, improvement.. cuz of enlightening experiences mostly. I don't regret.

I would like to make money somehow, and just travel wherever I want. It is .. just too much all at once - Like an intense curiosity (From high speed internet/unlimited information.. So there's existential problems...). I hope that it'll be okay.

I was really paranoid on Wellbutrin.. Bad 3 months (I didn't do anything either, just drink and stress out my mom with suicidal thoughts). I have 1y of phenibut left.. So I'll make use of the mood lift. I don't think there's a deterioration of cognition, but improvement.. I can't be hard on myself + I overthink a lot (Meditation should help).

I just have a lot of interests that aren't developed.. I have to choose, concentrate.. Lot of freedom.

And yes, society has died. I just have to think outside of all of that - The craziness/mental illness, crime, corruption. Humanity is going somewhere.. and there has to be connection, love, awareness, less ego, peace..

Actually.. Yknow what I'm gonna do.. I'll go blindly into any task (Such as reading, any book that I find interesting NOW - Cuz I know that with the butterfly effect, I'm too aware of it.. it does annoy me, like out of control time travelling.. that's life..) - I have to be calm and observant... But also like.. I do like excitement and stimulation, adrenaline and such. I'd like a flow state - And I get extremely disappointed by mild inconveniences....