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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 04:27 PM
  #401
 
My friend canceled our plans for today this morning because they werenít feeling good.

So I spent the day doing various things at home. I got on the treadmill for 10 minutes. I know 10 minutes may seem stupid/small but I want to work my way back up to 30 minutes. Fell out of the habit for a few weeks.

Been watching Supernatural , just started season 4. Read a book for awhile. Meditated for 20 minutes.

Spent like an hour finishing painting my figure tonight. I wasnít planning on painting but was feeling really anxious and didnít know what to do so I did that and it helped and I listened to music while I did it. Will post a pic in a minute.

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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 04:27 PM
  #402
 
Here it is
Attached Images
File Type: jpg 090DF74F-8AAF-46A2-8146-B2DAF228FA41.jpg (195.4 KB, 8 views)

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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 06:11 PM
  #403
 
Desoxyn are you okay? I saw your post but got busy doing something then came back to reply and they were gone. Hope you're okay

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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 06:11 PM
  #404
 
I'm dissociating, my face doesn't feel real

Think I might need to take klonopin. I feel like my meds are poisoning me though

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Last edited by Blue_Bird; Mar 18, 2023 at 06:26 PM..
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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 06:57 PM
  #405
 
Went out for dinner, had a couple drinks. Fancy smoked chicken nachos, and brisket tacos. My mom didnít finish her vegan power bowl so Iíll eat leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

Iím going to cut my hair soon. Itís down to my tailbone but I want a bob. Iíve been thinking about it for a while. Worst thing to happen would be I hate it and have to wait for it to grow out.

Iím feeling I might tell my mom soon that I relapsed in anorexia. Iím just nervous about it. It took me forever to tell her before that I had psychosis. Iím just not good with serious conversations like that.

Anyway, drinking a margarita now and watching TV.

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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 07:33 PM
  #406
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Desoxyn are you okay? I saw your post but got busy doing something then came back to reply and they were gone. Hope you're okay
I'm not really okay - But I took "vitamins", and they help a bit. I feel like when I was in the basement. But thx for asking. I hope you'll be okay too.
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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 07:49 PM
  #407
 
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I'm not really okay - But I took "vitamins", and they help a bit. I feel like when I was in the basement. But thx for asking. I hope you'll be okay too.

Iím sorry youíre struggling I hope you feel better soon

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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 07:50 PM
  #408
 
I am completely unsure what I feel. I massively overdid the caffeine today and Iím a combo of tired, panicky, dissociating and feeling like my blood sugar is too low

I need to call my doctor on Monday and ask for bloodwork to be done , not for the dissociating or panic but for the low blood sugar

Iím concerned I have diabetes or prediabetes. Between my meds, my eating habits, my family history of it it and my symptoms it wouldnít be a surprise. But I need to take action on Monday and get this figured out.

All I have to do is call and have him give me the forms then go to the bloodwork place and just get it done. I canít keep putting this off

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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 07:52 PM
  #409
 
Alan Watts ~ Let It Happen By Itself - YouTube

This helped. I had it saved.
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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 08:00 PM
  #410
 
Iím honestly kind of scared of it being confirmed, Thatís why I keep putting it off. Like I donít know what that will entail if I do have it. Will I have to give myself insulin shots etc it seems like a nightmare to deal with trying to manage blood sugar levels.

Maybe I donít even have it. Maybe my body just reacts violently to low blood sugar for no reason. I donít know.

Iíll call him Monday. Worse that happens is I have it and have to learn how to manage it. Better than putting it off indefinitely and things getting worse over time.

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Old Mar 18, 2023 at 08:26 PM
  #411
 
Oh cool, I found the labwork request paperwork my doctor gave me at our visiit in December, he said it could be done anytime between now and our next visit in a year, and it has Hemoglobin A1c as one of the tests which is good, because that should give him an idea of my blood sugar, so I will just take the paperwork to the lab on Monday and get it done

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Old Mar 19, 2023 at 08:21 AM
  #412
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Iím honestly kind of scared of it being confirmed, Thatís why I keep putting it off. Like I donít know what that will entail if I do have it. Will I have to give myself insulin shots etc it seems like a nightmare to deal with trying to manage blood sugar levels.

Maybe I donít even have it. Maybe my body just reacts violently to low blood sugar for no reason. I donít know.

Iíll call him Monday. Worse that happens is I have it and have to learn how to manage it. Better than putting it off indefinitely and things getting worse over time.

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Generally type ii diabetes is controlled by diet rather than insulin shots, you do have to prick your finger to test blood sugar unless you have a monitor though. If youíre taking metformin though it can alter blood sugar levels i believe so that might be all thatís happening.

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Old Mar 19, 2023 at 09:52 AM
  #413
 
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Generally type ii diabetes is controlled by diet rather than insulin shots, you do have to prick your finger to test blood sugar unless you have a monitor though. If youíre taking metformin though it can alter blood sugar levels i believe so that might be all thatís happening.

Thanks, I stopped the metformin a week ago so Iíll see what happens

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Old Mar 19, 2023 at 12:45 PM
  #414
 
Phew. I added up all the gluten free receipts for taxes. Itís kind of shocking to see how much you pay more for gluten free products.

Like example I found 1kg of regular flour for $2.27. Last year we got gluten free flour of the same size for $24.99.

But itís done. Taxes are all ready. Taking them into the accountant tomorrow.

Planning on getting my hair cut on Tuesday. Work in the office on Thursday. And see my doctor on Friday. Thatís my week, basically.

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Old Mar 19, 2023 at 02:25 PM
  #415
 
Very good mood =] Suffered through work in the morning.

Tomorrow, I drive to the city.. Then next day, airport, on the plane to see my sister for a week =]

I can't bring my 100 different chemicals on the plane.. So will have to do with just meds.

I'll practice mindfulness and spirituality mostly (I'll talk about things with my sister) - She'll give me insight. My brother might visit too - So we'll hang out and do things.
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Old Mar 19, 2023 at 02:26 PM
  #416
 
My first day at the volunteer job is Tuesday morning. 10am to 12pm. So itís every Tuesday at that time. The first two Tuesdayís theyíre gonna help me and show me what I need to do and then starting on the third week Tuesday April 4th Iíll be doing everything there on my own from then on.

Iím nervous and excited

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Old Mar 19, 2023 at 03:02 PM
  #417
 
It's a dramatic change today from yesterday.. Yesterday? - If the pandemic didn't happen etc, I bet my mom would have sent me to the hospital.

But things have changed now. Craziness tolerance on this space rock is higher now.

I made a TODO list, on it - Is to meditate at 230pm (For 10 minutes). I'm gonna try and practice meditation for 10 minutes every day... Cuz it's supposed to be a practice..

In the Spring? Lots of hiking (Usually every 1-2 days, when it's warm, I hike with my mom up a small hill/mountain) - But also, I'm gonna get my bike ready for just exploring the trails here.. And the 3rd exercise thing is to try and run for ~15 minutes every day.. It just hasn't been warm enough to do that.

Also, hypnic-jerks/night heart palpitations are 100% gone (After adding 2x more 10mg Dexedrine spansules) - So all is good.

+ I'm much more comfortable with infinity.. No DPDR anymore.. I'm on 5mg of olanzepine now (Instead of 10mg), and there has been no noticeable difference in anything, from the change.. ^-
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Old Mar 19, 2023 at 08:34 PM
  #418
 
Severe mental pain is starting to creep in. Sorry guys. I wish I could solve this.

Edit: I'll just ignore it, and continue living.. I never tried that before. I bet exercise would help.
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Old Mar 19, 2023 at 09:52 PM
  #419
 
I feel like I'm just a hallucination. That's just what it seems like. I know I am.. And should just distract myself. But the isolation I went through.. It's like that thing. I'm just calculating, feeling, thought thought thought...
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Old Mar 19, 2023 at 10:12 PM
  #420
 
I feel better.. I was listening to meditative music (Without lyrics), wrote some of my thoughts down...

It's like I've been using music (With lyrics) like a hard drug. I'm more grounded now..

I want to cry
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