Roll Call 198

Talk, converse, vent, muse

Everyone welcome!

I’m in the office today. I was on a roll but now with system issues I’m just sitting around. Only a couple more hours of the day.

I usually work about 8am-4pm but most of the time I work through lunch and leave at 3pm. Today I started at 715am and I’ll leave at 315pm. I’m working through lunch but eh, I use extra time to fill in spaces like going to doctor’s appointments and stuff. I’m not worried. It all balances out I think. My boss doesn’t mind.

However my brain is messed up and I didn’t pack a lunch. Just going to eat a burger later. Got lots of diet sodas with me though so that’s fine.

Anyway just bored.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks SK!

I talked to my pharmacist today and it looks like I will be able to get my new anxiety medicine today which means I can try it tonight. I am hopeful it will work well for me. I love my PDOC!

What works for irritability for you guys?

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Yeah, that's a tough one.

Sometimes exercise.
Sometimes distraction--like playing with my pets
Sometimes doing something minorly destructive--like tearing up paper
Sometimes acknowledging that I'm irritable and just being nice to myself while I get through it
Sometimes talking to someone else
Sometimes getting out of the same four walls--change of activity or pace
Sometimes just giving up and sleeping for a while.

HUGS!!! Kit

Thanks those are great suggestions 😊

A cup of strong coffee will hopefully wake me up. I want to be motivated like I was yesterday. Last night was pretty bad - But I closed my eyes for an hour during the dissociation, another dose, lay down in the dark - And talked to a crazy friend. Nice sleep.

I'll ask the pharmacist if there exists such thing as "Spravato" here.

"January 5, 2021 - Health Canada has approved a new nasal spray called Spravato, with the active ingredient esketamine. It’s good timing: The number of people experiencing symptoms of depression has tripled during the pandemic"

My irritability is worse when I don't exercise or am stuck in my apartment all day. Even if its just taking a walk for exercise, that helps. Treadmill, weights etc, I feel a significant decrease in my irritability levels since starting to work out most days. I exercised the previous three days in a row and I'm not irritable at all , which I was for like a week straight when I wasn't getting a lot of physical activity. Whether it's walking, yoga, weights, etc whatever other various forms of exercise they all help me a lot. Before I started doing this my irritability was so bad. I was getting pissed off at everything , noises, etc anything bothered me and I felt so revved up I felt like punching myself.

Not saying exercise is something you have to do if you don't want to, just putting out my experience because one of my issues is irritability and I have noticed such a difference in my temperament since becoming physically active.

And when I'm stuck in my apartment all day I get restless and irritable. I force myself to at least go sit out in the courtyard for 20 min if I can't manage anything else, it always ends up making me feel more relaxed throughout the rest of the day.

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

My appointment is in an hour. Trying to get my thoughts organized and think of what I want/need to talk about.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Best of luck, Blue_Bird!

Maybe jot down a few notes that you want to bring up. That is sometimes helpful to me.

My appointment went well, I'm doing well so we mostly talked about my plans for going back to college and she gave me an idea for a place to volunteer at, there's a program through petsmart on Saturdays where people come to take care of the cats there (food, litterbox, etc) , so I am going to look into that since the library isn't taking volunteers. There's also a used bookstore downtown that I am going to look into volunteering at

Those both sound like good ideas Blue_Bird!

Too euphoric to do anything but listen to music.

After I'll look at productivity planner apps.

We also did a depression scale thing , there was like 9 questions, and my score is super super low right now so that’s good. (Low score is a good thing) I’m doing well on my meds and with coping skills.

years ago I was inpatient so many times over so many years, from ages 14 to age 23. I haven’t been inpatient since 2017 and I’m finally managing my emotions and mental health better now. I was pretty unstable even when I wasn’t inpatient. I suffered by myself. But the past 6 months or so I’ve been improving and improving. And soon enough I’ll have volunteer work. Even if I have to go back to the kitchen to prep and serve meals at the shelter I’ll do it because I want to do something and challenge myself. I’ll look into the pet store thing and the used bookstore first though because those would be less stressful. And in the end of August I’ll be back in college finishing my associates degree. It’s taken a long *** time to get to this place mentally but I’m finally doing well.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm not using those "Thanks" and "Hugs" functions anymore cuz I don't understand them.

This Is How To Deal With Passive Aggressive People - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Just know that I care and appreciate all of you =]

I care and appreciate you too Desoxyn!

I care about you too Desoxyn

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

I love listening to music when feeling euphoric. It's amazing

I don't know if you have the Microsoft To-do app on your phone or tablet or whatever but I find that one sufficient. I plan a lot with it and it's free to use , I use it everyday to track what I need to do during the day and meal planning

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

This is the app I’m referring to

Looks good! If it's useful (For what you need to do) - That's good.. I'm really confused, and would like to have less "systematic chaos" - And more clear organization... And for it to be fun to do as well =]

I've been asking "ChatGPT" (My therapist) a lot of questions.. I'm not used to being this clear minded, focused, motivated etc... Improvement happens every day, just got to get used to it..

And the way people make use of things, create etc.. That no one is the same/are unique and not one thing works for every person - So I just need to alter any systems according to what I need..

There's just a lot of time I've wasted (Lately, it's been on the news/corruption, social media FOMO stuff - Which is what I needed.... I trusted that intuition..). Just way too many things, exploring I've done. And I think I get the message..

I remember being in the "Independent living unit" in the psych ward.. and I couldn't make goals (It was impossible) - I was just too young and inexperienced, isolated. I'm trying my best not to isolate myself from everyone - And..

.. In the past, I was a real hedonic.. The memories I have - Underneath, was despair, but funny.. I don't want to just think that I'm fine right now (Cuz negative thoughts could happen at any time - I'm really sensitive to them) + Paranoia, OCD etc.. But as long as I'm in the present, and to know that I'm okay (And can take on all of the doubt, uncertainty, shock, etc), things will be fine... Idk. I'll figure it out.

My dad really helps and supports me (+ The rest of my family) - I'm just bothered by a lot of things that need to be solved. I know I'm kind of all over the place, been criticized by those video chat people (While in DPDR) - And so much information.. I'll just try, my best.. No suicidal thoughts (Like last night or the night before) - The main thing I'm going to try and do is meditation, learning about spiritual things..

Like for example;



All I needed was this... It's not difficult, Idk why people found it so hard to understand what I was asking for..

And I want to keep myself in tune with;
13 Approval seeking behaviours you need to stop - liveyourtruestory.com

The way I've been interacting with people, it seemed all fine (But people in high school - I think they really judged me. And all they cared about was whether I was gay or not - Even though being severely depressed with AvPD, and eventually psychosis). If only I talked to people instead of being so "quiet", although I didn't even want to be there.

I was so stressed out (From so much homework in Ireland, learning 3 different languages etc), and moved to the middle of no where, where no one cared what I did.. I was given the permission to go completely nuts..

But w/e, I'll stop talking for now..

I think you're doing a great job with continuing to make goals for yourself. Meditation is really helpful. I read somewhere that usually you notice the most benefits 8 weeks of daily practice. But obviously there's immediate benefits from it too, I've kind of slacked off on it recently but will get back to it. It's great to help with focus too.

I hope you're able to find a good app, the one I use is pretty simplistic but it has helped me. There are a lot of good apps out there though

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

You don't have to stop talking if you feel like posting. I'm always here to listen and give support when Im able to. As for the video chat people that is very traumatizing. When I was 13 years old I was on a forum and people could anonymously leave private messages. Someone kept sending me messages harassing me literally telling me to kill myself, to commit suicide, over and over. I ended up attempting suicide at 14. That wasn't the only reason, I was already struggling mentally and with my environment. But I told the mods and they did nothing about it. It really hurt a lot. Some people are just cruel and I'm sorry you had to deal with that

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk