Roll Call 198

Yeah. But also that I'm leaving. This song just strikes deep for some reason.

I need to stop. ****ing. crying. lol..

The couple upstairs fight while drunk every day I've been here. Idk how. They are right now.

I have a headache. I feel shaky and confused.

My back hurts from my bad posture but I’m not sure how to fix my so many years of bad posture; it’s hard

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I hope you won't have a depressive phase, going back home. I keep wondering if I'll ever try to leave here and whether I'd be sorry if I did.

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Heading out to my volunteer job in a couple hours from now. I woke up at 2:30am and couldn't get back to sleep so I just stayed up

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It went well, there were some cool cats there today. There was a pair of elderly Himalayan cats , they were so beautiful and sweet. One had a lions cut.
There were a lot of cats there today so it was a lot of work. But it got done quickly since there were two of us. It’s that ladies last day today so I’m on my own from now on. Except on the 11th, the person in charge of everything is stopping by, probably just to check in on things and meet. she’s the one who gave me the position. She seems nice. I’ve only talked to her over email.

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Some good news is I was able to get my foodstamps recertification interview rescheduled for April 5th (the one I missed last week) so that's nice.

Have yoga class tomorrow

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Good news about the food stamps. And I am glad you are enjoying the volunteer work.

I can't tell if I feel a little better or if I am just too overwhelmed to not feel.

Hugs SK

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Appointment with my psychiatrist in about 30 minutes from now (over video)

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Appointment went well, I told her about my volunteering and my plans for working and going back to college. I told her about dissociating , she said I should definitely be taking the klonopin more often if my anxiety is getting so bad to the point of dissociating everyday. So I’m gonna do that. I was rarely taking it , like maybe once every 2-3 weeks at most and I’m supposed to/am prescribed to take it 3 times per day.

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This volunteer job working with the cats got me thinking maybe I could have a career of some sort someday working with animals. Like as a veterinary technician or maybe some lower leverl career working with animals

That's awesome, Blue_Bird!

Also there's a program called Friends of the Library you can join for a membership fee, and then you are able to volunteer at some local used bookstores here, so I'm going to join soon and start volunteering at one of the local used bookstores downtown. Hoping to join in April. They have various things you can do, sorting books, cashier, etc

Having a couple drinks maybe too much. I probably drink too much still but I’m not as bad as I was.

I mean I put a bunch of gin in my gin and tonic so it doesn’t even taste good anymore but eh.

Idk. I feel fine. I’m kind of worried about this whole lupus thing but I’m not panicking. I’m not worrying about food either. I’ve been snacking a lot lately. Trying to stick to good things like veggies and tzatziki and stuff.

I talk to the psychiatrist tomorrow. I don’t really know what to say. I’m pretty stable on my meds the Latuda and lamotrigine. But if I can’t take to lamotrigine… idk. Maybe I’ll mention my anorexia relapse but I’ve been doing good with that lately.

I just don’t know. I hate rehashing things with the psychiatrist. But I guess it’s good to talk it out. Hopefully it’s not the same dismissive ***** I saw that one time.



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I talk to pdoc tomorrow too…it seems like all our appointments are in a cluster because I think b,ue Jed had one yesterday

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Hiya peeps. Nice reading everyone's posts, it's been a while Des, you got this ((hugs)) Cog, I love the food you make as always.

I see my pdoc on the 6th I believe, I ws struggling with sleep something fierce but it was just a hump. I think it might have been the Lion's Mane supplements i was taking. I read a scientific report about how it promotes neuralgrowth and thougth what the heck why not try it. Off it now though and my sleep is back.

Will be reading Paradise Lost soon with my reading group, if anyone wants to join let me know! It's going to be a while, they are trudging through Pilgrim's Progress currently.

My book is essentially done, and I found a new editor, but I have to wait until I have $350 bones to get it edited. Newtus, if you're ever looking for an editor I recommend searching on Fiverr, there's a million editors with a price range for everyone, very competitive! Have you been writing lately?

My life is still a wreck, nothing new ah. But I've worked through my trauma, and I've found my balance again, so there's that. It came at a heavy cost though =(

Good to see you Job =] Lion's Main neuroplasticity will cause wakefulness while you take.. - Need to exercise the mind when you do.

I’m so annoyed this morning. The psychiatrist meeting is at 830am and its over Zoom.

I tried my personal computer (which is like 8 years old) and first I had to update Zoom, and then it turns out the camera is completely dead.

So I tried my moms computer. Managed to get the camera working and then the microphone wasn’t working. I almost had to grab my sisters computer to try but my mom managed to get the microphone to work so now I’m just sitting here anxiously waiting for it to start.

I was going to get work done this morning before the meeting but I spent the entire time trying to get a computer to work and now I’m frozen with anxiety waiting for the meeting. I still have 20 minutes until the meeting.

Ugh why couldn’t it just be in person that’s so much easier.

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Nice to see you Job!

Cogladaid, sorry about the computer problems. In person is definitely easier! I hope the appointment goes well! HUGS kit

I usually just use the zoom app on my phone for stuff like that.

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I guess the meeting went well. It was with the same psychiatrist I saw back first time in 2017 and then in 2019. I don’t really like her. I like the other psychiatrist better she was nice.

Anyway we talked for almost an hour. Went over my history a bit, she asked about my mood and psychotic symptoms. I told her about OCD stuff (sometimes I have flare ups, but I have rituals I do all the time), told her about my anorexia flare up but that I’ve been better. Motivation, hygiene, drinking. All the fun stuff (sarcasm).

I hate talking to the psychiatrist because it’s only whenever there’s a referral (in Canada you don’t see a psychiatrist all the time for anything only consultations) so it’s annoying to have to go over everything over and over again.

So she’s going to review everything and see if she can recommend something incase I have to go off the lamotrigine, and if she can’t come up with something they’ll refer me to the mood disorder place at the hospital and they’ll do a consult.

Ugh I just hate it all. I mean I get it my doctor is not a psychiatrist but I like him and feel easy talking to him. I hate having to talk to some random person (who I already have a bad impression of from history) about my whole life’s story.

I guess I should get back to work but I’m just in a bad mood now.

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That would have been my next choice if I couldn’t get a computer to work. Or just cancel and demand to have it in person lol. Thankfully got it working.

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