Roll Call 198

Blue_Bird · Mar 18, 2023 at 04:27 PM

My friend canceled our plans for today this morning because they weren’t feeling good.

So I spent the day doing various things at home. I got on the treadmill for 10 minutes. I know 10 minutes may seem stupid/small but I want to work my way back up to 30 minutes. Fell out of the habit for a few weeks.

Been watching Supernatural , just started season 4. Read a book for awhile. Meditated for 20 minutes.

Spent like an hour finishing painting my figure tonight. I wasn’t planning on painting but was feeling really anxious and didn’t know what to do so I did that and it helped and I listened to music while I did it. Will post a pic in a minute.

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Blue_Bird · Mar 18, 2023 at 04:27 PM

Here it is

Blue_Bird · Mar 18, 2023 at 06:11 PM

Desoxyn are you okay? I saw your post but got busy doing something then came back to reply and they were gone. Hope you're okay

Blue_Bird · 06:26 PM

I'm dissociating, my face doesn't feel real

Think I might need to take klonopin. I feel like my meds are poisoning me though

cogladaid · Mar 18, 2023 at 06:57 PM

Went out for dinner, had a couple drinks. Fancy smoked chicken nachos, and brisket tacos. My mom didn’t finish her vegan power bowl so I’ll eat leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

I’m going to cut my hair soon. It’s down to my tailbone but I want a bob. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Worst thing to happen would be I hate it and have to wait for it to grow out.

I’m feeling I might tell my mom soon that I relapsed in anorexia. I’m just nervous about it. It took me forever to tell her before that I had psychosis. I’m just not good with serious conversations like that.

Anyway, drinking a margarita now and watching TV.

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Desoxyn · Mar 18, 2023 at 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Desoxyn are you okay? I saw your post but got busy doing something then came back to reply and they were gone. Hope you're okay

I'm not really okay - But I took "vitamins", and they help a bit. I feel like when I was in the basement. But thx for asking. I hope you'll be okay too.

Blue_Bird · Mar 18, 2023 at 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm not really okay - But I took "vitamins", and they help a bit. I feel like when I was in the basement. But thx for asking. I hope you'll be okay too.

I’m sorry you’re struggling

I hope you feel better soon

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Blue_Bird · Mar 18, 2023 at 07:50 PM

I am completely unsure what I feel. I massively overdid the caffeine today and I’m a combo of tired, panicky, dissociating and feeling like my blood sugar is too low

I need to call my doctor on Monday and ask for bloodwork to be done , not for the dissociating or panic but for the low blood sugar

I’m concerned I have diabetes or prediabetes. Between my meds, my eating habits, my family history of it it and my symptoms it wouldn’t be a surprise. But I need to take action on Monday and get this figured out.

All I have to do is call and have him give me the forms then go to the bloodwork place and just get it done. I can’t keep putting this off

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Desoxyn · Mar 18, 2023 at 07:52 PM

This helped. I had it saved.

Blue_Bird · Mar 18, 2023 at 08:00 PM

I’m honestly kind of scared of it being confirmed, That’s why I keep putting it off. Like I don’t know what that will entail if I do have it. Will I have to give myself insulin shots etc it seems like a nightmare to deal with trying to manage blood sugar levels.

Maybe I don’t even have it. Maybe my body just reacts violently to low blood sugar for no reason. I don’t know.

I’ll call him Monday. Worse that happens is I have it and have to learn how to manage it. Better than putting it off indefinitely and things getting worse over time.

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Blue_Bird · Mar 18, 2023 at 08:26 PM

Oh cool, I found the labwork request paperwork my doctor gave me at our visiit in December, he said it could be done anytime between now and our next visit in a year, and it has Hemoglobin A1c as one of the tests which is good, because that should give him an idea of my blood sugar, so I will just take the paperwork to the lab on Monday and get it done

Sometimes psychotic · Mar 19, 2023 at 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I’m honestly kind of scared of it being confirmed, That’s why I keep putting it off. Like I don’t know what that will entail if I do have it. Will I have to give myself insulin shots etc it seems like a nightmare to deal with trying to manage blood sugar levels.

Maybe I don’t even have it. Maybe my body just reacts violently to low blood sugar for no reason. I don’t know.

I’ll call him Monday. Worse that happens is I have it and have to learn how to manage it. Better than putting it off indefinitely and things getting worse over time.

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Generally type ii diabetes is controlled by diet rather than insulin shots, you do have to prick your finger to test blood sugar unless you have a monitor though. If you’re taking metformin though it can alter blood sugar levels i believe so that might be all that’s happening.

Blue_Bird · Mar 19, 2023 at 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Generally type ii diabetes is controlled by diet rather than insulin shots, you do have to prick your finger to test blood sugar unless you have a monitor though. If you’re taking metformin though it can alter blood sugar levels i believe so that might be all that’s happening.

Thanks, I stopped the metformin a week ago so I’ll see what happens

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cogladaid · Mar 19, 2023 at 12:45 PM

Phew. I added up all the gluten free receipts for taxes. It’s kind of shocking to see how much you pay more for gluten free products.

Like example I found 1kg of regular flour for $2.27. Last year we got gluten free flour of the same size for $24.99.

But it’s done. Taxes are all ready. Taking them into the accountant tomorrow.

Planning on getting my hair cut on Tuesday. Work in the office on Thursday. And see my doctor on Friday. That’s my week, basically.

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Desoxyn · Mar 19, 2023 at 02:25 PM

Very good mood =] Suffered through work in the morning.

Tomorrow, I drive to the city.. Then next day, airport, on the plane to see my sister for a week =]

I can't bring my 100 different chemicals on the plane.. So will have to do with just meds.

I'll practice mindfulness and spirituality mostly (I'll talk about things with my sister) - She'll give me insight. My brother might visit too - So we'll hang out and do things.

Blue_Bird · Mar 19, 2023 at 02:26 PM

My first day at the volunteer job is Tuesday morning. 10am to 12pm. So it’s every Tuesday at that time. The first two Tuesday’s they’re gonna help me and show me what I need to do and then starting on the third week Tuesday April 4th I’ll be doing everything there on my own from then on.

I’m nervous and excited

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Desoxyn · Mar 19, 2023 at 03:02 PM

It's a dramatic change today from yesterday.. Yesterday? - If the pandemic didn't happen etc, I bet my mom would have sent me to the hospital.

But things have changed now. Craziness tolerance on this space rock is higher now.

I made a TODO list, on it - Is to meditate at 230pm (For 10 minutes). I'm gonna try and practice meditation for 10 minutes every day... Cuz it's supposed to be a practice..

In the Spring? Lots of hiking (Usually every 1-2 days, when it's warm, I hike with my mom up a small hill/mountain) - But also, I'm gonna get my bike ready for just exploring the trails here.. And the 3rd exercise thing is to try and run for ~15 minutes every day.. It just hasn't been warm enough to do that.

Also, hypnic-jerks/night heart palpitations are 100% gone (After adding 2x more 10mg Dexedrine spansules) - So all is good.

+ I'm much more comfortable with infinity.. No DPDR anymore.. I'm on 5mg of olanzepine now (Instead of 10mg), and there has been no noticeable difference in anything, from the change.. ^-

Desoxyn · Mar 19, 2023 at 08:34 PM

Severe mental pain is starting to creep in. Sorry guys. I wish I could solve this.

Edit: I'll just ignore it, and continue living.. I never tried that before. I bet exercise would help.

Desoxyn · Mar 19, 2023 at 09:52 PM

I feel like I'm just a hallucination. That's just what it seems like. I know I am.. And should just distract myself. But the isolation I went through.. It's like that thing. I'm just calculating, feeling, thought thought thought...

Desoxyn · Mar 19, 2023 at 10:12 PM

I feel better.. I was listening to meditative music (Without lyrics), wrote some of my thoughts down...

It's like I've been using music (With lyrics) like a hard drug. I'm more grounded now..

I want to cry

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Roll Call 198

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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,525 (SuperPoster!) 11 15.1k hugs given	Mar 18, 2023 at 06:11 PM #403 Desoxyn are you okay? I saw your post but got busy doing something then came back to reply and they were gone. Hope you're okay __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi

Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,525 (SuperPoster!) 11 15.1k hugs given	Mar 18, 2023 at 06:11 PM #404 I'm dissociating, my face doesn't feel real Think I might need to take klonopin. I feel like my meds are poisoning me though __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi Last edited by Blue_Bird; Mar 18, 2023 at 06:26 PM..

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Mar 18, 2023 at 07:52 PM #409 This helped. I had it saved.

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Mar 19, 2023 at 08:34 PM #418 Severe mental pain is starting to creep in. Sorry guys. I wish I could solve this. Edit: I'll just ignore it, and continue living.. I never tried that before. I bet exercise would help.

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Mar 19, 2023 at 09:52 PM #419 I feel like I'm just a hallucination. That's just what it seems like. I know I am.. And should just distract myself. But the isolation I went through.. It's like that thing. I'm just calculating, feeling, thought thought thought...

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Mar 19, 2023 at 10:12 PM #420 I feel better.. I was listening to meditative music (Without lyrics), wrote some of my thoughts down... It's like I've been using music (With lyrics) like a hard drug. I'm more grounded now.. I want to cry