Roll Call 198

Finished painting the figure I started. I feel like it didn’t come out as good as my first one but I think it’s okay. I will get better with practice

Microdoses yesterday and early sleep last night. Good today. I'll take 1x 5mg olanzepine (Instead of 2x 5mg) cuz I gained ~15lbs total (I don't agree with that!)

It's so cold outside.. Has been for a while. I want to do things outside as well (I'll be healthier that way too) like hiking, running, mountain biking... Winter is taking it's sweet time. I don't feel as depressed as I was.

I still feel groggy and tired. It’s like 2pm I almost fell asleep watching this holocaust documentary.

Seroquel munchies got me too. I ate chips and taco dip for lunch, then a bag of dried broccoli, and just ate a whole bag of bbq sweet potato chips.

At least I’m not super worried about calories and stuff right now. I’m just too groggy to care.

Ah didn’t miss seroquel for this stuff. I guess you can’t be manic if you’re groggy and eating all the time.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Honestly I have this feeling of spring. Makes me think of mania. I feel I’ve done this before with seroquel and spring and mania.

Idk just this feeling I have.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My mind hurts

But all is okay, if a mental schism happens.

I need the olanzepine =/

I actually feel normal for once, and now halving the olanzepine. I'll just take the other 5mg as PRN. I have an option to do this though - My psychiatrist gave me 2x 5mg tablets instead of 1x 10mg. I hope it's not a problem.

Crap though why does olanzepine work so well but kill metabolism..

A psychiatrist told me "5, 10, 15lbs is okay - But if it starts to be 20lbs etc, then we switch to something else"

But olanzepine is the God antipsychotic...

No wonder schiz is like 20 years pre death diabetes + the cigarettes and suicides, etc.

Everything in me is telling me not to take the seroquel. I just feel so groggy. I can’t focus I can’t do anything all I want to do is sleep. How am I supposed to work if I’m so sedated.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I took seroquel for like three days, I couldn’t stand it…I thought I was going to faint.

Years ago I was quite unwell and needed some sedating so seroquel wasn’t so bad but now I just can’t do it. I’m barely functioning. Sleeping 12 hours and being zoned out all the time.

I just can’t do it. Hopefully my doctor won’t be mad at me.

I drank cold brew then 5 shots of espresso and now an energy drink and I’m only now starting to feel less groggy. And it’s noon. How am I supposed to wake up and go to work like this tomorrow - I can’t.

Sigh. I’ll just stick with my Latuda alone and hope for the best until I can see my doctor again.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm so agitated

Dexedrine and pregabalin helped quite a bit.

I'll see how long I can continue this.

Days are getting longer =]

Although clock went forward an hour. The Spring.. is coming.

And we can get out of this cold dark hell, be manic etc (jkjk)

Yeah let’s all get manic with the fresh spring air!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Snowstorm tonight into Wednesday. 8 to 16 inches heavy snow and wind 35-45 mph

For my specific area we’re getting around 20 inches

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Stay safe!

Thanks I will, I actually have to go out at least once tomorrow to pick up my meds downtown. But hopefully that’s all I have to do

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh no, bad timing!

Dissociating big time right now

Maybelle must know I’m not feeling good. She got on me and is laying on my chest purring. She only does that on rare occasions

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

HUGS Blue_Bird. Do you know why? Can you do any grounding techniques?

Thanks SK

I think it’s anxiety about worrying whether my apartment is clean enough, I always dissociate when I start worrying about that because I have like flashbacks to being homeless for years with my mom as a little kid

I’m not sure, I guess I could maybe paint?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think I will paint. It will be something to take my attention off my anxiety and requires me to focus and be careful since the miniature models are so tiny

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I painted for like 35 minutes. It helped briefly but now I’m dissociating worse so I took a klonopin just now

Update: my anxiety is a lot better now. I spent an hour reading and that helped. Might take a shower now just because hot water is good for like grounding myself.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Glad you are feeling better now Blue_Bird. The shower sounds like a good idea!

Yeah it helped a lot (just took one) I’ve been taking showers everyday now. Normally I go a day in between and sometimes several days in between them because I just lack motivation but I’ve taken one everyday 3 days in a row now and the water helps relax me. I use like nice soaps and bath and body works lotions , so I smell good. I try to make it be a time where I take care of myself

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

There's a mandatory tenant's meeting on Thursday, about changes going forward in the program. I feel like they're targetting me even though logically they're probably not