Roll Call 199

Okay, I performed a science experiment on myself, the results are of course inconclusive. Today, in my room, all alone of course, I wore an eye patch on my left eye, to take strain off of it. My left vision is pretty blurry, so I thought those could be what's causing my headaches instead of my moderate low salt. Anyway, no headache today. So... tomorrow I'll call around to get eye exam quotes. I just might have to get glasses. I have health insurance, but of course it doesn't cover vision. So I really have no idea what I'm in store for cost wise.

Do any of you know how much an eye exam costs and a pair of glasses?

I know some places do like a special with $80 for eye exam and glasses (see commercials on CNN about them all the time - the one with the owl). In Canada I usually have $90 for an exam and then about $500 for designer glasses (my insurance covers about $300 of it and all the exam).

All depends where you go. Im sure you can find some good deals out there.

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Had a good day, getting better at playing Greensleeves on keyboard. Posted a video on Facebook. Enjoying playing and learning. I’ve practiced everyday for the past week for at least 45 minutes a day.

Tomorrow I’ve got to go to the food pantry (Foodstamps we’re cut way back so I have to supplement them with occasionally going to the food pantry). Aside from that need to get on the treadmill and do some cleaning as well. Tuesday I go to petsmart for my volunteer shift.

Thursday I have an appointment with my therapist. Friday the building is having bingo so I’m guessing they’re gonna want me to call it so I’m just gonna have to mentally prepare for that. It will be fine. I don’t have to do it, I just agree to do it when they ask because I figure it’s a good way to help me with my public speaking fear and social anxiety. They had me pick out the gifts for the game, just like had me come up with a list and they bought the stuff so people who win can get a nice prize, hopefully people like the stuff I picked

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Some of the stuff I picked was basic household stuff like laundry detergent, Tupperware, etc stuff like that because people are always needing/wanting that kind of stuff
I also picked out some board games etc scrabble and some jigsaw puzzles, I forget what else.

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I’ve still not heard back from any of the jobs I applied to except McDonald’s scheduled an interview with me for may 11th.

I’m gonna try to get a job in the bookstore though, they don’t have online applications. It’s a local indie bookstore. They said I can come in and fill out an application and speak to a manager whenever I feel like it. So I’m gonna do that at some point this week.

I just want a job idk why people won’t give me a chance , I’m someone that would work hard and always show up, always be on time and do my job.
I just need one place/person to give me a chance to prove myself

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Well I really knocked tf out of any hypomania that was brewing last night. Took 10mg of melatonin, 5mg of Zyprexa, and 5mg of Haldol and actually slept through the night, only waking up once. I actually used PRNs as they're prescribed for once. I usually don't think to take them.

Pemi says hi!

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I bought these instant packages of chia pudding. It’s chia, oat, chocolate, and berry. Just add water and refrigerate.

So I’m having one for breakfast but I haven’t allowed myself to eat breakfast in years so it’s nerve wrecking.

I can do it though. I can. I’m challenging myself.

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Exams are often around $60 glasses are like 2-700 depending on the lenses. If you have a simple prescription you can get your prescription and buy online for typically less than fifty.

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You’ll find the place…personally I think you dodged a bullet with the fast food places though.

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Yeah I might just cancel the McDonald’s interview. I’m kinda glad I didn’t get hired at BK , it is not my type of environment. I can’t handle that amount of stress. I literally break down

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We're not supposed to be eating from those.. And the pay is not good (Unless it's a part time thing, then that's less of a problem - But still can be usually stressful for people like us that have to work part time in the first place).

Anyway, sad feelings this morning. I think it's cuz I got out of bed before the stimulant kicks in. Drinking coffee now.

My dad will visit in a few days.. So we'll do some things. I cleaned up my room - Just got to vacuum it today. Then he can stay in my room.

It costs me about $300 with exam. Depends on how much you want to spend on the frames and the lenses. Like I need the anti-glare lenses so it costs a bit more, but since I work on the computer all the time, it's necessary.

Suicidal thoughts are better--not gone--but better. But stupid self harm thoughts increased 100 fold. I feel like I am constantly managing symptoms which impair my living a good, fulfilling life, and since I mostly don't know what to do about them, I just try to hang in there until they pass, which kind of works, but only for so long. At least the psychosis has been good lately. Still supposed to start a new antidepressant. Waiting to hear from my insurance if they will approve it. Don't know why it is taking so long.

My therapist is still on vacation. She's back on the 26th and my appointment is the 28th so it's coming. Just not fast enough.

I want 2 appreciate more beautiful things and experiences

It's possible to mostly overcome schiz or w/e the hell I have. Some days = Good. Other = Bad. But that's okay... I think.. Yes, I know..

Edit: We're in a net. And anyone has access to what everyone else does or doesn't want - With acceptance of their current moment in the now. That is all.

Can ddoooo.. anything.. we set our minds to. Water the plant.. Feed the wolf.. It will be your friend.

me too.........

Hugs SK <3 You're a very good person and will achieve great things.

What ever I did... made me able to use 5mg of olanzepine (Instead of 10mg), for well over a month.. I think it could be not drinking alcohol for 3-4 months.

I will never drink alcohol again.. (At least I'll try not to).

All of the horrifying type of DPDR is gone. And I haven't had psychosis is a really long time.

I don't get stimulant crashes. I wonder why.

And also don't know how I'm so calm, based on how good I feel. It's a strange problem that I want to fix.

I'm just normal, and I see the world.. "How can people be so unstable?".. At least I should be able to DO THINGS, and make some sort of plan to get somewhere, about it all..

And the flames of things burning, I see it.. and think "Well what's the point?". It's also another huge problem for me.

It's like I've settled into eventually dying, and going to some insane afterlife. I don't wake up from this dream.. Like what is next, is just.. More advanced insanity... The logical thing would be to just disconnect from everything, like how people say they'll "Live in the woods" - I thought (About that), "Why would someone live the rest of their life so under stimulated" - And the answer? Spirituality.. That most people that are awake/aware of the nonsense, they're just doing w/e here, and wait for the clock to run out, and then will decide what to do on the other side..

Waterfall hike yesterday was fun!


Today my appointment with my peer specialist is early so after I'm going to go to the rail trail for a run. I'm not sure how I feel about my peer support specialist. She seems to be very "what works for me should work for everyone."

Volunteer shift at petsmart today.

I signed up to donate blood tomorrow

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I have an interview at the grocery store on Friday

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I’m getting sick or something. I have a bad cough and am exhausted

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