Roll Call 199

Volunteering today went well. There were 7 cats there today. All of them were friendly except one that was hissing and growling, it’s okay though. I cleaned all of there cages and litter boxes and blankets etc including hers. Gave them all fresh food and water. Doesn’t sound like a lot of work but it is. And it was very messy. Always gotta clean up the room , sweep and mop before leaving cause it can get very messy especially if water spills and litter/cat food gets all over when cleaning out their cages. There were a lot of messy cages today. I think I’m getting better and more efficient at doing it though when there are lots of cats. One kitty purred when I picked them up. He name was Sam. He was a tiny orange kitten. There was a cat named George. And many other names I’ve forgotten. They were all very talkative, it was definitely a talkative group this time.

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Last couple days have been good. Not much going on.

I ate breakfast yesterday but I was busy this morning and missed it. Ate good the rest of the day though. Made veal stew for dinner.

Work in the office tomorrow. Having lunch with coworkers for admin professionals day.

Get my stitches out on Thursday. Chiropractor on Saturday.

Not much else happening.

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Woke up at 3am again, now I'm just waiting for 6am/sunrise so I can take my meds to go for a run.

This is beautiful muddy boots . So glad you joined roll call. I’m not here as much as I used to be but welcome!

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I’m in the office today for a meeting and a lunch. Free lunch from work? I’m there. Got a salad with lots of chicken. Also some veggies and dip.

That was like an hour ago and I’m hungry again!

And this was after eating breakfast this morning! Bagel and cream cheese and raspberries.

No joke getting your appetite back while recovering from anorexia.

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We are having an office lunch today too. Burgers and fries and then cheesecake at 2 o'clock break.

Highly euphoric.

Went skiing yesterday, hike today (With my mom) =] And my dad will visit soon. The new Bose earbuds arrived, and the sound quality is great.

Idk what I'll do with all the other earbuds.. lol. I'll use them for work.

I should listen to more podcasts.. I've been watching some corruption news lately - Tried to organize things last night.. Didn't go too well. Fell asleep at 5am.

But anyway, it's Spring. Nice and warm. Why must there be wars.. when technology is so good.. I guess people will always be delusional and different, a variety - Rising and crumbling empires - It's all a matter of perspective.

Choose positive perspectives, my loved, depressed schizos.. No jk - It's too difficult a lot of the time.. Soon, I'll be venting again maybe, sui... Idk. But past while is good..

Feeling sleepy now.. all will be ok..

I got to finally go out and vape today. They started Monday I think. It's 3:55am and I haven't slept yet. I should try.

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Saw two deer, a bunch of rabbits, and a mama bear and her cubs on my morning run. It's spring!

Hopefully a black bear…wouldn’t want to see a mama and cubs of any other type lol.

Have a therapy appointment today. I stopped the abilify and have been off Thorazine for a week. So I’m just on trileptal and Zoloft now, my bf thinks meds aren’t great because they numb emotions. He was on them before too. He’s bipolar. I don’t feel pressured to get off them but he definitely thinks I can just come off them when I feel like it. And that it will be fine. I don’t know. My sleep has been bad since stopping the Thorazine and abilify. And my mood is getting kinda bad. Like I feel like a failure for not having a job etc. it’s not that he’s anti meds or anything he just thinks other things are better. Like having support, weed, etc and tripping (he did lsd a lot)

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I’m also questioning whether I even need meds if I have BPD. (Borderline)

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Omg I’d have a heart attack if I saw any bears , be safe on your runs do you know what to do if a bear approaches you or you’re near one? I would probably panic

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Well seeing as you always seem to have sleeping difficulties when you go off some medication and have spending sprees and having the feeling of chemicals in your veins I feel it’s not just BPD and you should stick to your medication.

At least converse with a doctor, not just go off medication on your own.

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You might have bpd but as I understand it you also have sz and I haven’t seen anyone doing well with sz with no meds. It can take some time to accept but with sz meds are for life. All that drive you have to succeed coincided with Abilify after the transition period. It’s what I’m on and I would not be half of who I am without it.

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Yup they were black bears, and yup I know what to do (we have tons of them around here, you're pretty much screwed with mama bears if you get between her and her cubs though).

Bluebird I agree with the others that you probably have more than just BPD and need an antipsychotic on board to help manage the psychosis. If it helps, why not take it?

Thanks everyone, you're all right. I've been really reckless with stopping my meds.

I have been a much better more motivated person especially since I been on abilify

I'll be honest last week I was sleeping a couple hours every 40 hours or longer, and that went on for an entire week. Not gonna talk about some of the other impulsive **** I've done the past week or so. Because it's a lot. Like stuff I won't even bring up here or to my therapist right now because she'll think I'm extremel manic or something or out of touch with reality because I'm doing things out of character. I'm just gonna get back on my meds and try to get **** together.

Okay I'm gonna say what I did, please don't judge me



God damn I feel so embarassed. You all probably think I'm a terrible person

I've just been very hypersexual the past couple weeks and now I'm starting to not feel that way and starting to hate myself for my behavior

You're not a terrible person. It's called mania for a reason. You're not in your normal state of mind and you do things you normally wouldn't do so don't be so hard on yourself

Thank you Boots Do you think I should mention any of this stuff to my therapist today when we talk? I know I probably need to but I don't want to be judged negatively

Also blew through $400 in under a week. That type of spending has been going on for a couple of months but things just kind of peaked the past couple weeks were I really started acting out of character.

And I went off on my sister when she called me out on it, so we haven't spoken in almost a week now, it's very tense when we do

I think you should bring it up even if it's vaguely. You don't have to go into detail, you can just say you've been impulsive and hypersexual. Don't worry about being judged, they've heard it all before