Roll Call 200

I’m good with not drinking except when I’m cooking with wine. I made oxtail ragu - drank red wine. Made risotto today - drank white wine.

I like cooking with wine but I always end up drinking some. I mean I didn’t drink enough to get drunk so it’s not really a big deal but I’m just trying not to drink at all.

I have some white wine left and a whole bottle of red wine.

I’m fine resisting shots or cocktails but just… wine. It’s there.

I went 14 days. Then 10 days. Now I’m back to 0 days.

Oh well.

Aside from that I just went to the gym today again. Going to go again tomorrow. I did back and chest today. I did some box push ups (I can’t do regular push ups yet) and I benched 65lbs (my old high weight was 160lbs). I’ll build up to how I was before. I have to keep in mind it took me four years to get into the shape I was, and I’ve been away for three years.

And then Friday going with my sister to check out this other gym. They can give me a good deal because they’re poaching me from the closing gym. Hopefully it’s not too busy and a good atmosphere. I would enjoy going there it’s not too far away and seems to have equipment I’m looking for (like squat racks and bench press etc).

Oh I bought some funny gym tank tops from Amazon today. I can’t wait for them to show up. Here’s one of them:



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Try cooking with dealcoholized wine…

Yeah I went religiously to the gym for four years and because of COVID stopped going for three years so it was rough start to get back to it last month.

Don’t push yourself and don’t feel bad! I was having trouble getting myself up again but my doctor gave me some advice to just try to carve out some time at first. Like just standing by an exercise machine for 15 minutes is a start because you’re carving out the time.

Motivation is hard I really get that. I struggled a lot and sometimes still struggle with some things to do with motivation. Like brushing my teeth, showering, and like today - working.

I don’t know if I would call myself inspiring but I thank you for that compliment.

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Yeah that makes sense, I have a tendency to do things all or nothing. So I get in the mindset that if I don’t get on the treadmill for 30 minutes then I might as well not do it at all. It’s a stupid mindset to have. I just need to start building consistency again even if it’s 10 or 15 minutes. Just continually show up. I always feel better after exercising so I don’t know why I put it off so much. I think it’s just a motivation thing maybe, like I’ve been going through a huge motivation struggle the past several weeks. It’s so hard to get myself to even clean my apartment and sometimes hard to shower even if I need to. Normally I’m super motivated. I don’t know why I’ve been like this the past few weeks. I just can’t seem to get myself moving

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Could you be depressed?

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So the new strings on both my ukuleles sound good. Now to keep returning them for a couple weeks so they settle in. It usually takes a couple weeks for new strings to settle in and stop going out of tune so frequently.

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For some reason I always equate depression for me as being suicidal. Maybe I am slightly depressed just without the suicidal part. Just the lack of energy and motivation and lower mood than normal

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Hi everyone. Popping in for a bit. Still struggling with some severe depression. Ugh. On a new medicine. So that makes 3 antidepressants and two antipsychotics. Sheesh. I told my T yesterday that I was sad. I didn't elaborate. But sad was an understatement. I hope everyone is doing good. I will try to pop in a bit more often. Missed you all. Hugs kit

I feel like they would have called me by now if the results indicate I have diabetes, like before my scheduled appointment next week to discuss the results with him, I got the blood work done on Monday, don’t know if they do that though. I don’t know, or maybe they just wait till the scheduled time to discuss it even if it says I do have it. I don’t know. I’m stressed out because I don’t know what these symptoms are being caused by. And I don’t like the idea that I could have diabetes and not be aware of it. Waiting to find out sucks. I know it’s only like a week away though. I’m just impatient.

I mean I feel like if my sugar was like dangerously high or something they would have called me, so maybe I don’t need to worry

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Do you have access to a patient portal like my chart?