Roll Call 200

Yeah, I just think it's funny how they put all those words instead of "substance use disorder" or "substance-induced ????"

I'm done with all the crazy stuff. I'm sticking to weed and alcohol.

The animal shelter got back to me and they have an opening. I told them I'd take it!

I’m good with not drinking except when I’m cooking with wine. I made oxtail ragu - drank red wine. Made risotto today - drank white wine.

I like cooking with wine but I always end up drinking some. I mean I didn’t drink enough to get drunk so it’s not really a big deal but I’m just trying not to drink at all.

I have some white wine left and a whole bottle of red wine.

I’m fine resisting shots or cocktails but just… wine. It’s there.

I went 14 days. Then 10 days. Now I’m back to 0 days.

Oh well.

Aside from that I just went to the gym today again. Going to go again tomorrow. I did back and chest today. I did some box push ups (I can’t do regular push ups yet) and I benched 65lbs (my old high weight was 160lbs). I’ll build up to how I was before. I have to keep in mind it took me four years to get into the shape I was, and I’ve been away for three years.

And then Friday going with my sister to check out this other gym. They can give me a good deal because they’re poaching me from the closing gym. Hopefully it’s not too busy and a good atmosphere. I would enjoy going there it’s not too far away and seems to have equipment I’m looking for (like squat racks and bench press etc).

Oh I bought some funny gym tank tops from Amazon today. I can’t wait for them to show up. Here’s one of them:



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Study: Single dose of mushroom helps regrow damaged brain cells due to depression | Fareeha Arshad | NewsBreak Original

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So happy to hear that! You’ll love it!

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I went grocery shopping today. Got:

Avocados
Blueberries
Bananas
Sweet potatoes
Asparagus
Bag of fresh spinach
Mixed greens salad
Grape tomatoes
Turkey breast sliced from deli
Dave’s Killer bread (it’s a brand of organic bread)
Instant coffee
One bar of Lindt 70% dark chocolate
A big container of plain fat free Greek yogurt
Butter

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My boyfriend used to experiment a lot with acid and mushrooms etc. He had a horrible trip one time with acid but he said other than that it was amazing and changed him for the better. Which I think it did because he’s a better person than when we dated when I was down there 10 years ago which was before he got into any of that, he didn’t even smoke weed or anything back then. He’s changed a lot in a good way. He only smokes weed now and doesn’t really mess with shrooms and stuff anymore but he said he’d be open to it but he is not actively seeking that out anymore. I know there’s a lot of research that indicates some psychedelics can be beneficial for mental health

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Cogladaid just want to say your fitness journey is inspiring me a lot , I used to be very active but the past few years I kind of fell out of the habit of exercising regularly and I really need/want to get back to it. I really have no excuse as there’s a treadmill on my floor of the building and I have weights and resistance bands too. I’m gonna try to start getting more active again.

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Yeah I went religiously to the gym for four years and because of COVID stopped going for three years so it was rough start to get back to it last month.

Don’t push yourself and don’t feel bad! I was having trouble getting myself up again but my doctor gave me some advice to just try to carve out some time at first. Like just standing by an exercise machine for 15 minutes is a start because you’re carving out the time.

Motivation is hard I really get that. I struggled a lot and sometimes still struggle with some things to do with motivation. Like brushing my teeth, showering, and like today - working.

I don’t know if I would call myself inspiring but I thank you for that compliment.

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I was at the gym yesterday and as I was leaving this guy was on the bench press and it was falling on him so I ran over and helped pull it off him. He said thank you and seemed embarrassed so I didn’t make a big deal about it.

I know what’s it like missing a lift and then having someone rescue you lol. I just wanted to return the favour. We’re all at the gym together.

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Try cooking with dealcoholized wine…

Yeah I should. I find it’s not quite the same but I’ll have to get used to it. I cannot be trusted around wine apparently.

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Yeah that makes sense, I have a tendency to do things all or nothing. So I get in the mindset that if I don’t get on the treadmill for 30 minutes then I might as well not do it at all. It’s a stupid mindset to have. I just need to start building consistency again even if it’s 10 or 15 minutes. Just continually show up. I always feel better after exercising so I don’t know why I put it off so much. I think it’s just a motivation thing maybe, like I’ve been going through a huge motivation struggle the past several weeks. It’s so hard to get myself to even clean my apartment and sometimes hard to shower even if I need to. Normally I’m super motivated. I don’t know why I’ve been like this the past few weeks. I just can’t seem to get myself moving

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So the new strings on both my ukuleles sound good. Now to keep returning them for a couple weeks so they settle in. It usually takes a couple weeks for new strings to settle in and stop going out of tune so frequently.

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Could you be depressed?

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I don’t think so, I mean I don’t feel depressed really, my mood is okay, it’s not as amazingly good/high as it normally is but I wouldn’t considered it to the level of being depressed

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Meant to say *re-tuning not returning

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For some reason I always equate depression for me as being suicidal. Maybe I am slightly depressed just without the suicidal part. Just the lack of energy and motivation and lower mood than normal

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My guess is one of the newer meds is keeping you from the extreme but you’re still a little down…tends to happen after a mania….

Hi everyone. Popping in for a bit. Still struggling with some severe depression. Ugh. On a new medicine. So that makes 3 antidepressants and two antipsychotics. Sheesh. I told my T yesterday that I was sad. I didn't elaborate. But sad was an understatement. I hope everyone is doing good. I will try to pop in a bit more often. Missed you all. Hugs kit

Hugs SK…make sure you’re doing activities even if they don’t feel fun right now.

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Thanks SP. I did do some reading because for once I could concentrate. Got about 100 pages read on a book about the Templars. Did a lot of Church stuff which was both stressful and being around people and not withdrawing. My sister is getting married in 50 days so got all that to think about. Made myself shower this morning and I managed to make myself stay at work today. Just want to sleep 24/7

Eating some plain Greek yogurt with fresh blueberries and flax seed

Good to see you SK, I hope the depression improves soon

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Thanks, Blue_Bird

Really tired of these nausea /shaking episodes. Wish it was next Wednesday already so I can find out the results of my blood tests

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