Roll Call 201

I didn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t get to sleep. Now I’m tired but it’s going on 3am and I have to be ready and leave by 8:30 for the bus for work. 7 hour shift on no sleep. This is gonna suck. I really want a schedule that’s predictable but they haven’t even made a schedule yet they just randomly call and ask me to come in. Past three shifts were night shifts. So my sleep schedule is all ****ed up from those, not getting home till after midnight. Now suddenly it’s a 10am to 5pm shift.

Plus sorry for tmi but I have my period. So this is really gonna suck. I’ll get through it but yeah.

I can’t plan anything in advance because I don’t know when they’ll call me to ask me to come in. I hate it. I just want a schedule to be made for me already.

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have you mentioned it to your doctor there?

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On my 15 minute break

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No, you never see the doctor here no matter what's wrong with you. A few years ago on January 1, I came down with a stomach bug and I was vomiting constantly and then I had diarrhea. I was so sick. Not only did I never see the doctor but the nurse ignored me too. Crazy place.

I hope they'll get your schedule made in advance soon. You're doing great!

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Hi all. School is a good distraction for me but it is intense too. I studied most of the morning up to right now (1:50ish PM) This weekend I will have to write a paper. I am trying to get chapter 3 and 4 done before then. Life is fine. Labor day was nice. 4 day work week is always good. I will have a 4 day work week next week too as I am taking Friday off. I am going to Las Vegas to visit some friends who I haven't seen since 2004-2005ish. I am excited but also nervous. We have kept in touch (obviously) but I think I am much sicker now than I was then. Sucks. HUGS to everyone.

Thanks, Kit. Hugs to you too. It's good to see you.

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I’m home now. What a nightmare. It was non stop busy. Also on me customer got hostile with me because I made a simple mistake that could have been corrected if he didn’t start yelling at me telling me it was my fault and storming out of the store

There is much work to do! I had a very good sleep.. Woke up at 3pm (Too lazy to take stim). I fell asleep, seeing pretty hallucinations, leaving my dead earbuds on my bedside table, phone uncharged.. I took the 100mg extended release dextroamphetamine, and a 100mg caffeine pill.. I'll finish all of the tasks, look at the goals.. And read the "Limitless" book. I know I keep attempting to get into reading books.. And I could die soon one day, but that's okay - At least I tried to understand as much as I could about myself, the world, the universe, the infinite realm of existence (Before death) - Find purpose, meaning and... What else.. Sense of belonging? Idk..

I had a dream that I had psychosis (Cuz I was 1 month late for my injection) - And the dreams were so intense and vivid.. It was anxiety inducing.

But at least, I'm not bothered by thoughts (Since it's the beginning of my day).. I will try as hard as I can, also relax.. I will meditate too.

I have to change course into a destructive direction, and then continue on a good path again. As this isn't working.

No nvm.. I'll connect with God entities.

And I will be safe. For now.

Unless they turn on me, and I end up soon in the grave.

Then I'll find a better way. But can't jinx that.

I'm ****ing depressed forever. I give up.

Appointment with my new psychiatrist went well. He’s very nice. He added propranolol and I’m coming off the klonopin. So I’ll be taking one klonopin for a week then be off it completely. He’s also gonna work on the paperwork for me to be my own payee. Said it’s great that I’ve got the job and have been making so much progress. Rest of the meds are staying the same

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Well one good thing about yesterday was I learned how to do split payments

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I hope they don’t call me in for tomorrow. I have a therapist appointment and also need to go grocery shopping. I could go grocery shopping today but I have a lot of cleaning to get done and also plan on relaxing a bit

I think it’s complete bs that they haven’t made schedules yet though. And just expect me to come in when they call with under a days notice. I need some sort of predictability, I do have things I want to do in life but I can’t plan for anything else in case they call. It’s stupid

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If they call tell them you have a doctors appointment that totally acceptable not to be on call.

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The only reason I worry about not taking a shift when they call me is because I don’t want to get let go or something, so I’ve just been taking each shift they ask me to take. but I am probably gonna tell them I have a doctor appointment for tomorrow because I can’t keep rescheduling things for their convenience

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I work next Tuesday from 11am to 6pm

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Hi BlueBird, isn't that your PetSmart day?

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Yeah I just called my boss and asked him if he can change it and he said sure so I’m waiting for the schedule to be updated now , I was so too scared to ask for it to be changed because I didn’t want to be fired or something but my boyfriend said I should remind them that I can’t work Tuesdays and I did and they said that’s fine and they’ll go into the schedule and change it

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That's good! I'm glad it worked out well.

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He changed it to next Thursday

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So I get a week off unless they need someone to pick up a shift and call me

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Got up, took meds. Changed bedding (For my dad to visit today), drank a Mexican coffee, brushed teeth, shaved etc, did laundry, walked to the pharmacy (To get them to send the Invega Trinza injection to the medical clinic), bought eye drops (For my dads cat allergies), nicotine gum. Went to the optometrist store - Bought contact lens solution, refilled meds, listened to music. All is organized.

Just can't stop thinking about the coworker. I was lying awake, up for hours last night - Thinking about it.. About work.. And what to do..

Do you have any way to unwind after work to disconnect from it completely? I try to do something enjoyable for myself after work because if I don’t take time to disconnect from it and focus on something else I end up up half the night thinking about situations from it over and over or about anxiety anticipating my next scheduled shift, what could go wrong etc for me it seems violin helps the most. If I get off and it’s really late though like midnight then I obviously can’t play my violin at that time in an apartment so instead I watch a show and try to really engage with it to take my mind off stress

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It’s gonna be so cool getting my paycheck Friday. Will make me feel accomplished , worked 22 hours this week

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