Roll Call 201

I finnnnnallly caught up on laundry. I did two loads of clothes, one load of sheets, one load of towels and wash cloths. Now it’s all done. Tomorrow I’ll clean my apartment. Then I’ll be good to go. I’m going to Dennys with my sister tomorrow for lunch. Sunday morning I work, but thankfully I’ll have caught up with everything around the house so I can relax some when I get home. I also work Monday night. Idk how people manage full time jobs and life. I’m just working part time 25-30 hours a week and can barely keep up lol. I’ll get in a better routine with it , just the last few weeks have been pure chaos. I’m trying to make sure I keep up with things like showering etc though because I don’t want to neglect self care.

I go back to college in January. So I’ll be still working part time and also going to college part time. I’m taking my classes online so it doesn’t interfere with my work schedule.

Next week they start training me for that additional role where I’ll be interviewing people and running orientation for new employees. That’s a guaranteed 12 hours a week every single week. Then the rest of my hours are cashiering whenever I can pick shifts.

Idk wtf happened in the past 7 months. I went from doing nothing with my life to having a boyfriend, volunteering with a cat rescue for 6 months (which was a great experience and I hope to go back someday), getting a job, getting promoted and taking violin lessons. It doesn’t even seem real.

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I spent the entire years of 2018 through a the end of 2022 doing nothing , making plans and never accomplishing anything or getting anywhere with them, being an anxious paranoid wreck barely able to leave my apartment to go even grocery shopping or check the mail.

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Are you still on Abilify and when did you start….imo th name says everything with that med

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I am still on it I started it like a year and a half ago

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You're doing awesome, BB! Truly inspiring

I can't continue this life.

I had the most vivid and horrifying dream..

I was in a house, looking at two versions of my mom.. They were both moving in similar (But opposite) ways.. In a creepy way. Cars were being stolen and burned in the house. I started talking to this guy about teleportation, while we were petting a cat. I went to escape, looked at the Google Maps, and I was somewhere in Texas - But I zoomed out, and it was a horrifically vast landscape - Dark, with Mars-type rock.. Not much water.. I zoomed out and out, and it was in the middle of no where, of no where.. Of no where.. I started running through the neighbourhood, and hid behind a house - All the other houses were being inspected with some man in a futuristic, red, orange and black fire suit (With a haze mask) - It looked similar to this;

-

He was burning all of the victims inside (Through the front door - With a flame thrower), and moving onto the next house.

There's a lot I don't remember.. My ex step dad owned a yellow Ferrari (Underneath the concrete, me looking at it through the cracks - Of drainage in a dark, cold water hole of abyss). I wanted to use it to sell for some money (Before he did).

I went to find a pharmacy (So I could self medicate), and there was none.. Everyone was Mormon.. I couldn't find the pharmacy.. I went into a building, and there was a gym.. Everyone was exercising..

I ran onto the highway - And there was a police officer. He was sexually harassing me, following me on a bicycle, while I walked into darkness (In the middle of houses on each side) - So I turned around, and the dream ended.

That sounds like an awful dream to have Des. Hope you have better dreams tonight. Sometimes when I have disturbing dreams I "rewrite them" so I don't think about them in such an awful way when falling asleep the next night.

Going to Dennys with my sister tonight for dinner. I think I’m getting chicken tenders and onion rings or fries that sounds really good right now

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I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, like having three days in a row off has been nice but now I’m just getting anticipatory anxiety and dread about going back tomorrow. Especially since I have to be out the door and on my way there by 6:40am so I probably won’t get enough sleep. It’s gonna suck because it’s a Sunday which means there’ll be even more people shopping. They’re supposed to be training me this coming week for doing interviews and running orientations. All my upcoming 8 shifts are for cashiering so I don’t know how that’s gonna fit in or if they’ll edit the schedule some between now and to add shifts for my other position. Probably.

I might stop at Dunkin on my way there tomorrow to eat something for breakfast like a sausage egg muffin and a coffee or something.

Stopped at the pharmacy, the store, and the library today

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I started playing the first Life is Strange videogame on Xbox that a friend from the forum recommended. It’s cool, I’m excited to play more
It’s about a photographer that can rewind time

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I am suicidal. My thirst for knowledge and learning has increased greatly. As we are out of time.. I have to know everything that is in reality and outside of it.

Very deep, so that I can never come back here.. And reincarnate another hell.

I have hope too - And all positive things. It will get better if I keep trying, no matter how hard people make it worse for me.

I will escape. As I am a pure soul. If I don't, at least I tried.

I will bring everything that is close to me - But I think I'll be forever missing, my family and such.. To the certain % that it gets sucked into a black hole. And things will be found again, when they cross my timeline - When destiny allows for it.

Not sui anymore

But was reading, listening to music etc.. All good.

I had a good time with my sister. We ended up going to a really good local pizzeria that’s been around for over 50 years. Had salad and pizza. I bought a half gallon of chocolate peanut butter ice cream on the way home. Brought leftover pizza and salad home too so I have lunch tomorrow. Just took a shower. I have to be up extremely early tomorrow. Sucks because I was tired all day and now that it’s 9pm I’m wide awake. So I might end up staying up. But at least Monday I can sleep in because I don’t work until like 5pm that day.

Anyway, yeah I might just stay up cause I’m having a hard time winding down. Gonna read some of the book I got from the library. Maybe watch some stuff and play a game.

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I’m now officially a talent captain at my job! Still cashiering whenever I have time but that’s my official job title now and that’s what 12 hours of my week will be spent on

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My goal is to save money and move out of supportive housing into an independent apartment in like a studio, and get off social security entirely.

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I have work today from 8:45am to 2:30pm. Cashiering. I wasn’t able to sleep last night. Tossed and turned for a couple hours then gave up and just stayed up. So I’m up drinking coffee right now. Have to head out in an hour from now. I wish it was over and that I was on my way home. Apparently my training for talent captain starts this upcoming Saturday. I hope I don’t get stuck dealing with customers with big *** layaways today those are so annoying I hate them. They’re just a pain to do.

I’m gonna practice violin when I get home today. Then play some games and watch some anime with my bf.

I need an alarm clock like a physical alarm clock that’s not my phone. Because I feel like that would be better because I have a bad habit of when my phone goes off getting up, turning the alarms off then falling back asleep. I think if I have two alarms it would prevent that so I might have to pick up a physical alarm clock at some point soon.

I’ve accumulated one hour of paid sick time off so far

I’m ready for today to be over and it hasn’t even started

So as far as my mental health goes I’m doing really well. My sleep is suffering though but there’s multiple reasons for that. Coffee. Skipping Thorazine most nights so I don’t oversleep and can make it to work. Etc.

I know that’s really not good though the lack of sleep. I probably have gone 4-5 days scattered over the past couple weeks with zero sleep (30 or more hours up at a time) since starting working 3 weeks ago. It’s not good. Idk how to fix it though. My schedule varies so much it throws me off and keeps me from being in a good routine with sleep. And when I work really early in the morning I’m afraid to go to sleep the night before because I’m afraid I’ll oversleep and miss work so I just skip my Thorazine and stay up.

My face has also broken out with acne which I hardly ever have any anymore , idk if that’s sleep, stress, or diet related or a combo of some or all of those factors

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They have some really cool alarm clocks out there that really make you wake up by not turning off until you do a math problem or "defuse a bomb" and stuff like that. I hope your sleep improves some when you get a second alarm clock and have that safety net.

Doing markdowns today. Scanning every item in the store and it prints out a lower priced sticker if it gets a markdown. 2 more hours and I can go home

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I’m home now, boots that’s a good idea sorry I didn’t reply to you earlier got busy , it feels good to be home. I don’t work again till tomorrow night 5pm till 11:30pm

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I'm eating onion ring chips. Just winging life RN for now.

I'm one of the worlds most awakened souls (I know you don't believe me - But you don't have to, cuz you're right...)

I’m ready for Halloween

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I’m trying to be strict with my budget over the next year or so

I’m trying to only pay for these things:
Rent
Phone payment
Internet
Violin lesson once a week
Cat essentials
Household essentials (toilet paper etc)

Occasionally clothes or shoes only when I really need them

Trying to save at least $1,000 just to sit in savings for emergencies.

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I feel like my brain is melting. I’ve been up since yesterday morning and it’s 7:30pm now

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Making a frozen red baron pizza right now. It’ll be my breakfast , lunch and dinner today

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Just be aware you can’t have more than 2000 on ssi at any given time.

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