I need help or any suggestions from anybody on here on what to do in my situation. I have said parts of it on this site before but I will explain it again better.

I am 19 years old and I have had anxiety most of my life. I also had obsessive things I would do when I was a kid, and had a lot of anger and temper tantrums a lot. I went into a deep depression when I was about 14 years old, it actually started out kind of manic because I started out with lots of energy and helping people out and I would exercise all the time, but I wasnt happy at all. A few weeks later it got really bad and I stopped doing anything. I went to doctors and I was okay, but the psychiatrists said I had severe depression and anxiety. For the next 2 1/2 years I was on like 5 different medication and I was not myself at all, I didnt really see any good changes coming from it. I felt empty all the time on the pills and had bad sideffects like weight gain no sex drive.

I quit taking all medication about 2 1/2 years ago. The withdrawal was bad for like 2 weeks, but after that even with the depression coming back at least I felt more like myself. It was like that until about 9 months ago, I had a episode of extreme anxiety for 2-3 months and had panic attacks, it was horrible. I went to doctors again and they really couldnt find anything. The panic turned into more anxiety and episodes of psychosis with small panic attacks. I had to quit this little job that I had and quit driving, the panic stopped me from doing anything. I have been going to a counselor for 3 months now and he wants me to get back on medication, but Im against medication now and it did nothing good for me before. My life is really bad now and I hardly ever leave the house, I have bad insomnia I cant concentrate, I get irritated easily, Im not living at all anymore. I also have no energy, fatigue, dry skin and hair, sensitive to heat and cold, muscle and joint pain, and more.

What do you feel I should do? I dont want to take any medication anymore period. I have been thinking its a physical thing, but like I said I went to the doctors a few times and they tested a lot and couldnt find anything. I am just so tired of this and I cannot waste 5 more years of my life feeling like this. I have to do something now, I want to go out with my friends and go to parties and find a girl that I can love and be with, but it is literally impossible with how I feel now. Whatever is wrong with me has completely ruined my life for the past 5 years, please any advice or help will be good.

[pachyderm]

People will tell you many things about medications. They did nothing for me.

What kind of "counselor" are you seeing? There are many kinds, with very different approaches to this kind of distress. It can be hard to find one that fits with you. Maybe if you tell us more we can help you figure out what would help you.

[john4]

You know, your description almost exactly mirrors my own situation these past not 5, but 4, years. All the exact same symptoms (and more) . . .I feel for you completely. But I'm still on my tablets daily, I'm not qualified to give you suggestions about whether you should/should not take medication, Pennkid. I too don't leave my house at all, except when I have to, and then it's most uncomfortable. But youre young: why my son is 26, and guess what age I am? (sshhhhh. 61)!!!!!
Pennkid, I was savagely sexually assaulted by a younger man who had been woking with me, I retired on medical grounds, and have suffered the most horrific mental breakdown. Absolutely petrified to go out. See my poems on this site in the sexual abuse sector.
I wish you well, I hope my little contribution cheers you up . . .you are not alone, free to contact me anytime. Look after yourself, and take care. You are not alone - o.k.?

[Rose3]

Would it help to try to understand the basis of your anxiety or the panic attacks?
Is it anxiety that you have, or is it fear?
Is there some reality to your feelings, or are you catastrophizing about something?
Are you ready to start driving again? Or to find another job?
Of course you don't want to waste your life - and now is a good time to think of what you would like for your life - present and future.
About the medications - this is something that I cannot comment about - except that maybe there is something that will be helpful.
I certainly do hope that you will be feeling improved.

To Pachyderm, Im not sure exactly what you mean by what kind of counselor. I just go in there and he talks to me about stuff and I answer and hes trying to figure out what the problem is. However, I am planning on stopping going there because he is kind of rude to me and talks down, and I really dont see counseling helping me.

Rose3, I havent had a panic attack in a month or two, and havent had a really bad one for a while now. I think it might have something to do with that I stay home most the time and Im not as stressed, also Im taking a multivitamin and another supplement to help with circulation and it seems to be helping. Im not ready to start driving or anything, I barely leave the house and even when I was driving and had a job I would say I was sick most the time and wouldnt go. I could see it in peoples faces that they thought I was sick and they would tell me that I wasnt looking good or I looked stressed and sad all the time. I feel that its better for me not to push myself to do stuff thats impossible for me right now.

For the medications I dont really want to take any. Im not completely against it but its just that they tried me on like 5 different kinds and none of it really helped, I still had most the symptoms and even a few new ones from the side effects of the medication. I still think that its something physical though, Im gonna get more serious about it and research some more things and then make an appointment with my doctor and hopefully theyll figure out what it is. I know that I have feelings of depression, anxiety, and I had episodes of psychosis but I think that there is a physical illness behind it, I looked it up and there are a few illnesses that can cause it.

[Rose3]

That's a good idea - to have things checked out by your doctor - because there might be a physical cause for some of these difficulties (like maybe your thyroid? or even excess calcium can lead to psychological difficulties? maybe get your electrolytes checked, and blood levels of any medications that you are taking - there are lots of things that can be checked by your doctor).

If you experiences psychosis - are you hallucinating (hearing or seeing things that others don't hear or see?) - sometimes the neurotransmitters are unbalanced - and there are medications that can help with this difficulty.

If your current counsellor is not a good fit for you (if he is inappropriate [rude is inappropriate in my mind] - then maybe find a different counsellor - there are lots of others who are not rude.

Are you eating properly? Three meals a day - follow the food guide.

I hope that you're feeling better.

[PsyChris]

No one can tell you what is best for you except YOU!

Going back on medications is very broad. There are many types of medication. Do you know what types you have been on before?

Therapy is mostly work done on your part. I think it would help you to become more involved in the therapeutic process. You can start with asking what type of therapy he uses. I'm not your pdoc but most studies show individuals with psychosis should not receive insight oriented psychology.

I won't bore you with the Pharmacology but if you are that sensitive to medication then you should be tested for drug allergies. It would be odd for you to have adverse affects with 5 different types of medications. The FDA kind of lumps SSRI's, Atypical Anti-Psychotics and Typical Anti-Psychotics into groups like they all do the same thing. Each one (especially anti-psychotics) are all very different.

If you feel like your therapist is insensitive and not connecting with you; then try to find another one. I'd really recommend consulting a psychiatrist so they can do necessary medical testing and then move from there.

Remember in most countries as long as you do not present a danger to yourself or others the route of therapy is your choice. Medication therapy is very popular and fits with the norms of our culture. However It's my personal opinion that other types of targeted therapy can be far more effective when used with or without medication therapy.

The psychosis seems to be improving a little bit too. Some of the symptoms are improving ever since I lowered my stress levels, stayed home, got more sleep, and started with the vitamins. However its still there and its still bad. I never had visual hallucinations, I did have minor audio hallucinations, but most of all my thoughts were disorganized and I was pretty paranoid and delusional.

My counselor isnt that bad, the problem is that he just kind of thinks he knows a lot more than I do (which he probably does), I went a little far by saying he was rude. The main thing is that I dont feel I need a counselor, I have been to counselors before and it didnt help then either. I changed my diet a while ago and have been a lot healthier, however it hasnt helped much.

Im not sure exactly how many different medications I was on, or the exact kinds of all of them. I think I was on Zoloft, Paxil, Effexor, and Prozac all at different times. That was a few years ago when I had depression, however none of them helped much and I was on each for a good amount of time. The bad side effects I was talking about were just weight gain, decreased sex drive, and I didnt feel like myself, all those are pretty common side effects. Since I took those and it didnt help that much thats what got me thinking a lot about it might not just be mental, its probably something physical.

[PsyChris]

Those are all anti-depressants. Psychosis is usually treated with an anti-psychotic. I'm glad you are realizing the things that trigger your psychosis. I do believe that give time you could overcome this on your own.

There is medication out there that can help your psychosis. It's difficult to receive talk based therapy when your perception of reality is different from the person trying to provide therapy.

I think it's great that you are exploring the nutritional aspect of health psychology. I have a friend who would vehemently believe the root cause of your depression and psychosis is hypoglycemia. You might want to try to find a nutritional psychologist that can offer you some targeted tips and arrange for evaluation to rule out something like hypoglycemia.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
Pennkid: I also have no energy, fatigue, dry skin and hair, sensitive to heat and cold, muscle and joint pain, and more.

Has anyone tested for <a href=http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/h/hashimotos_thyroiditis/symptoms.htm"target="_blank">Hashimoto's</a>?

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
PsyChris: I'm not your pdoc but most studies show individuals with psychosis should not receive insight oriented psychology.

I'm certain I've linked this one before Chris, but just in case, I'll link it again: 85% Recovery Rate. It's pertinent because both of those clinicians were doing talk therapy with "psychotic" patients.

In case you've not run across them before, here's a few other thoughts in a similar vein -- Dr. Loren Mosher....

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Mosher points out that the kind of therapy dispensed at Soteria House differed profoundly from the work that went on at the famous Chestnut Lodge psychiatric hospital in the '50s and '60s. There psychiatrists had tried to cure patients with traditional Freudian-style psychotherapy. "I'm fond of saying psychosis does not fit the 50-minute hour -- because it goes on 24 hours," Mosher says. "So you ought to conform your treatment to fit the problem." Rather than scheduling specific sessions with their charges, the Soteria staff members made a commitment to be available every moment of the schizophrenic residents' waking hours. Mosher says the overall feeling had much in common with the "moral treatment" asylums that appeared in America in the first half of the 1800s. Small, humane, and pleasant environments, these institutions promoted the concept that many lunatics could recover their sanity if treated with decency, gentility, and respect. As peculiar as that notion might appear today, Whitaker in Mad in America writes that "Moral treatment appeared to produce remarkably good results." He cites records from five moral-treatment asylums showing that between 50 to 91 percent of their patients were able to return to normal lives in their communities. Such outcomes led one asylum superintendent to declare in 1843 that insanity "is more curable than any other disease of equal severity.…"

Source: Still Crazy After All These Years


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and Dr. Bertram Karon...

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PTR: Can you tell us a little bit about your ground-breaking Michigan study which was on the treatment of schizophrenics with psychotherapy versus the usual psychiatric approach?

BK: Yes. This was a study that was done on a NIMH grant using center city Detroit patients. What we did was take clearly schizophrenic patients ... Diagnosis was made by the regular hospital staff and then reviewed by the research staff to ensure they were really schizophrenic. And if anything, they were the very sickest of the schizophrenics.

They were assigned randomly to one of three treatments: psychoanalytic therapy with no medication; psychoanalytic therapy and medication combined or, medication and support as given by a good group of psychiatrists in a good hospital. The evidence that they really were good psychiatrists is the group that did worse in our study -- the medication only group -- did as well as the medication only group in some of the studies ... which claimed to find that therapy didn't help.

The problem is that what they called therapy was done by residents who had no training in psychotherapy, supervised by supervisors who had no training in doing psychotherapy with schizophrenics. In our study, the supervisors had at least ten years experience in doing psychoanalytic therapy with schizophrenics and were considered by their colleagues to be "good therapists". Furthermore, the inexperienced therapists -- because we were interested in whether you could teach this sort of thing -- were psychiatric residents or graduate students in clinical psychology and were given training and supervision, very carefully.

Now here's what we found: the best outcome occurred in those people who got psychoanalytic therapy without medication at all. We used psychological tests, we used a clinical status interview conducted by a very experience psychiatrist who did not know what kind of treatment the patient received. The patients were examined before treatment, after six months, after 12 months and after 20 months of treatment. And then we did a follow up for medication after two years. The best results were obtained with those people who got just psychoanalytic therapy.

The next best results, which were nearly as good, was where medication was used as an adjunct but it was withdrawn as rapidly as the patient could tolerate. The experienced therapist who combined medication with therapy was honest. He told the patients, 'The medication doesn't cure anything. It makes things tolerable so we can talk. But the only thing that will cure you is your understanding.' And he withdrew the medication as quickly as the patients could tolerate and that turned out to be a good way to work.

Therapists who treated their patients with medication as well as psychotherapy but maintained the dosage level of the medication and never withdrew the patients from their medication, this was not nearly as good as just using psychoanalytic therapy or psychoanalytic therapy with medication when the medication was withdrawn as rapidly as the patients could tolerate.

Source: Schizophrenia & Psychotherapy


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Pennkid: My counselor isnt that bad, the problem is that he just kind of thinks he knows a lot more than I do (which he probably does), I went a little far by saying he was rude. The main thing is that I dont feel I need a counselor, I have been to counselors before and it didnt help then either.

Counseling can be a hit and miss proposition at the best of times however for those who have experienced psychosis and would like to pursue a therapeutic relationship, I generally recommend a therapist with a background in either depth psychology (Jungian, not Freudian) or transpersonal psychology.

Naturally, there is a great deal that a person can do on their own as well but a good counselor can help facilitate the healing process.

See also: How To Rebuild Your Life After a Breakdown

Actually I was just thinking about that. I cant remember if they tested me for thyroid problems and Hashimitos. My dad and some other relatives have thyroid problems, but it never crossed my mind before this. I looked up the symptoms for that and I pretty much have all of the symptoms for Hypothyroidism, Im definitely going to ask about that when I go back to the doctor again.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
Pennkid: I looked up the symptoms for that and I pretty much have all of the symptoms for Hypothyroidism, Im definitely going to ask about that when I go back to the doctor again.

From what I recall, there are two distinct tests. The most common one tests your TSH levels. If they fall within normal ranges many doctors don't test beyond that however, you can have normal TSH levels and still have Hashimoto's. For that reason, a second test is required that will specifically test for the presence of thyroid antibodies. This link has more info: Thyroid Blood Tests

If your problems stem from an underlying thyroid condition, it's very easily dealt with by taking an artificial thyroid hormone that hardly even rates for unpleasant side effects -- nothing like those that come with antidepressant or antipsychotic medication.

I sincerely hope you find some answers soon Pennkid. Best.

[SingleGirl]

PennKidd, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through another period of hard times.

I'm speaking from a place of my personal beliefs system so just take this information as that and use what you can without causing yourself any extra stress, ok?

First, I am of the mind that some mental illness is lifelong, chronic, degenerative, and will NOT go away on its own. I believe in physiological constructs to mental illness that are far more complicated than simple chemical imbalance. I believe that some people's brains are just totally and completely miswired.

We have unfortunate babies who are sometimes born with all sorts of disorders that are visibly apparent... spina bifida where the spine/sometimes intestines are outside of the body... disorders where internal organs never develop... some people are even born without recognizable faces...

if all of those mutations can occur, then brain wiring mutations can certainly occur...

as for how best to treat those wiring issues... i think that combination therapy is the best approach...

first of all, from my experience with individuals with psychotic disorders, something called psychosocial rehabilitation is shown to be extremely effective... in common terms... that just means leaving your house and being around people... trying to involve yourself int he community...

i know it probably feels like one more pebble of stress on your tower will make it all come crashing to the ground... but you might feel better if you looked at it as equally likely that venturing out of the house might help you start to feel better...

as for the medication, i believe that in the case of severe and persistent mental illness... it does save lives... it allows people with serious mental illness to function...

why all of the negative stories about its effects? well, it is overprescribed and undermanaged by less than competent physicians who don't understand the science and play trial and error games with people's brains (i'm sleepy, so i'm not holding back w/my opinions tonight)

in people who truly need the adjustment to their body... medications can make them totally different people.... just as anti inflammatory drugs help people with autoimmune disease... just as antihistimines help people with allergies... medications can help restore balance... IF the need is present...

conversely, if the need is not present, the meds can mess people up and end up with far more side effects than no meds at all... and even in those people who do need medications, it can cause serious side effects...

no one can make that decision for you (even if you were admitted to a hospital tomorrow, no one can force meds unless you are an immediate threat to yourself or someone else)...

my suggestion on how to decide is to make some lists so you have tangible evidence of stuff... write down your mental health history for the last two years... put each incident on a different line...

next to it... write what helped you get out of it...

in a separate list... what down all the things you wish you could do right now that you can't do... then next to those, write down whether taking a chance with medicine is worth being able to complete that activity...

in the end... check it out, and make your decision...

for the record, i do also believe that SERIOUS mental illness ebbs and flows... so even if it seems gone, it could just be in remission (like arthritis or asthma)... soemtimes you don't have to do anything to make it come and go... it's something where the symptoms can be tempered... (healthy lifestyle choices, socialization, diet, etc) but maybe not anything that will ever be totally erased from the picture...

of course, i can't say if any of the above applies to you, but it's worth sharing... maybe someone else could benefit from it if none works for you...

in any case, i hope you feel better soon... depression is no fun... and in my opinion, anxiety is way worse than depression... at least when i'm depressed i can sleep

[SingleGirl]

also, to address your physical symptoms, like i said before, i'm definitely a huge believer in mind-body connection... so i'd also like to see medical causes ruled out...

autoimmune diseases are more common than ever these days and can produce all of the physical and psychological symptoms you mentioned...

also, endochronological disorders beyond hashimotos too...

good luck getting everything balanced... i hope you have your answer soon

I have made a doctors appointment and will be going in two weeks. Im planning on specifically asking for thyroid tests. This time I will also try to mention all of my symptoms. I hope that they come up with something so at least I know whats wrong with me and then I can try to fix it and be well again. I checked for the thyroid stuff and it says if you have like Hashimitos or hyothyroidism all you have to do is take a pill everyday and get your levels back to normal and all the symptoms should clear up, I hope thats all I have to do.

[Rose3]

for the doctor appointment - write things down and make a list on a piece of paper
Hoping for you

[BalishBun]

I say maybe give meds one more try, maybe you can get on ones that will work. If not, maybe there are herbal remedies for you.

Im am going to the doctor and getting some tests done this wednesday. Im going to tell him all the symptoms Ive been having and about the thyroid things and a couple more things that I might think it is. I hope they find something this time.

[Rose3]

hopefully the doctor will be able to discover what is happening
and find some solutions

well, I have some bad news (or good news depending on how you look at it). I got all the tests done a few weeks ago and I went to a doctors visit a few days ago, and he said all the tests came back okay and nothing was wrong with me. It was a full blood scan or something, he checked for a lot of stuff. He understands what Im saying, but he did all the tests and everything was okay so he says he doesnt know what to do. He also thinks I might be depressed and I should try and get back on a anti-depressant....something I have been against for a while now.

I dont know what to do. I know that I have had minor depression and anxiety which could have led to the psychosis episodes I went through, but for the past 8 months I have felt it was caused by something physical. I cant live like I am anymore, but taking anti-depressants even made me worse before. It may have helped my depression just a little bit but the bad side effects far outweighed what it did. I am now almost 20 and I was on like 6 different anti-depressants from ages 14 to almost 17. I have tried everything...I just dont know what to do. I had at least a little hope left before but now I feel like my life is over. I dont mean to whine or sound pessimistic but I really do feel like my life is over... Any suggestions will be helpful.