How to get better discipline and stop being lazy?

I really have a terrible time forcing myself to do things. Everything seems so complex and draining. But everyone else manages so I should too.

I take shortcuts, I skip what is not completely necessary, I take most chances to be lazy. On about every level.

How do you start acting less lazy when you really have no drive? I know it is possible because I have seen people who were even very ill and they managed to do things even if they had no drive or energy.

Do you think depriving myself from stuff if I don't do things would work out? Treating myself if doing things is not an option because there aren't many things I want extra.

I think I have this same problem. It's just sort of this weird urge to not do things, right? Low energy, bad mood, or the task being legitimately unpleasant or difficult will make the problem worse, but even without those issues, trying to make yourself do stuff feels horrible. Even when you can do it, it seems to take way more willpower than it should.

Seems to be an issue with executive functioning. (It's a common problem among people with ADHD or traumatic brain injury, and I think ASD also. TBI resources call it initiation impairment; ADHD and ASD resources rarely acknowledge that it exists.)

Unfortunately, ADHD meds are the only really good help I've found, and even that is inadequate. In my search for other coping techniques, this is the best I've been able to come up with:
--The problem is less bad after I come home from work. I think it's because this is a point of transition, but I'm not transitioning to anything in particular. (I have to plan ahead to use this time effectively.)
--It's easier to do things after they become a habit or routine.
--"Cueing" -- it can be helpful to have someone or something tell you to start. (That is, something external triggers you to start, even if you already know about the task and don't need a reminder.)

This page has everything I know about the problem (not much).

It is okay to skip things that are not necessary but you have to work for necessary things in life. Keeping a positive mindset will help.

Basically exactly! I have noticed that here ADD (which i have), they do admit executive functioning is a big thing, but more on higher levels and less on the treating patients levels but with aspergers (which I also have), they basically don't mention it. Their help was they gave us lists to fill out what to do in a day and when. I even found it hard to fill out the forms!

I feel it got worse with age too and worse after going through major depression many years ago even if that is much better it is like that made my mind weaker. When I was a kid I could find pleasure in packing a bag and look forward to going somewhere, like a sleepover or vacation. Now even packing fills me with dread almost. I feel it is so COMPLICATED. Even if I go somewhere fun I dread it too, up to the point when I am on my way and whatever transport is taking me there is off, it's not my responsibility anymore and I can start enjoying myself. That way I NEVER look forward to ANYTHING. I can enjoy myself, but the obstacles have to be gone first. After that I can piggyback on the "musts", like I must go here or there to catch the subway train or I "must" hang out with my host. So that gets easier. Like everything I do on my total own has no own energy.

I make chores worse because like the last time they were horrid and complicated. It is that expectation and this odd feeling that I "need" not to do things. Seems like you totally understand the feeling.

When I take Ritalin, things get easier, two things basically, one being I can start easier. It is not like totally easy, but sure helps! Also for some reason the med lumps what I do into one item. I'm not sure I can explain it but it is like the task suddenly has fewer parts and is less complex which is nice.

A few reasons I still feel I should overcome this is that I have extended family that have almost my exact problems, they have some physical illness like I do plus they have ASD or something like that but they were too old to get diagnosed. Still they have such a hard will. I feel like they have had issues with "laziness" but they have willed themselves to always be active and productive.

I also have an easier time with things that come back, I think it is because I haven't yet forgotten them and no need to relearn, so the task becomes less complex. I have a really really hard time making my own routines but I try like a little at a time because if I try too much I just revert back and stop the routine. Like right now (I know it sounds like a ridiculously small task), I try to always fill up a wash of dishes in the machine and have as little "outside" dishes as possible. When I do it so much, just the putting them in is easier because I remember how to do it so I can do it more automatically.

I also have a cleaning day but I have only been able to incorporate the most important cleaning and because it is the same every time almost, it becomes easier. But when it comes to do the once in a while cleaning that is really hard like my vents are full of dust and the kitchen shelf items are like all sticky dust. IDK how to even force myself to do those.

I use external triggers for the cleaning day so that I "must" do it. It really helps.

But I have a hard time knowing how to create others for other activities. Sometimes the trigger is just time, like now I HAVE to pay bills because they need to be paid now.

I also piggyback on my friend like if she says she needs to shop or go to the pharmacy (she likes company), I borrow her energy and go with her and do my stuff. It just annoys me because it's not hard really to go to the pharmacy on my own, it doesn't even take 10 minutes walking there!

I tend to procrastinate, maybe I don't even have to say that, LOL.

People say I am stubborn and have managed many hard things, but when it comes to everyday life things I am so not stubborn!

The risk is that I just do "boring" things that way. Because I don't see preparing for fun as necessary...

Also, what IS necessary? To eat quite OK? Or is it necessary to cook from scratch and cook healthily?

Is it only necessary to clean the basics, or is it necessary to deep clean once in a while?

I make a small list. Three tasks only. Small ones. Not projects.

I do one task at a time. I can't add to the list until at least one item is complete. Max of three on the list.

Doing one load of laundry a day, making my bed, and no dishes in the sink are daily habits.

Some days I do just a little. But I maintain laundry, making my bed and no dirty dishes daily. It makes me feel better.

I focus on lack of visual clutter and general maintenance cleaning. I only deep clean if I'm hypomanic.

I've found just getting started helps...the motivation sometimes isn't there and I need to just get started on a task.

Thanks -jimi-.

Without a reference point, or inclination to find myself in a negative light, I claim that I'm not lazy. I even welcome anyone seeing me as a lazy person, that's quite rude though. I'm not married.

I totally understand. I have the same problem. It's very discouraging. Ritalin does help me but I'm still far from productive. You're not alone.

I thought about what you wrote. Cause I have like this my idea of a goal I want to reach (preparing a project) during the day and when it comes to taking action step by step I just deflate.... I am checking internet, thinking about something else, going to bathroom... I can't concentrate on taking that one constant step... And you made me thinking that this step/that one task at a time can be also a goal for me (writing half of the page). These small goals added will be the big goal. Step by step...

Enroll yourself in some physical activity programs. With an active daily routine, you will not feel lazy.

I have similar problems with motivation and haven't found a real solution but I'd like to share something someone told me recently that struck a chord.

"If you had a broken leg, you wouldn't beat yourself up for not being able to climb a mountain." So remember what you are facing is difficult and it's ok if you need to reevaluate goals. It's not healthy to hold yourself to the same standard as if you didn't have these problems.

Because of my upbringing (and societal stigma at large) I really beat myself up about not being able to have enough "grit" to deal with my problems. And that discussion really opened my mind to the idea that it's ok to take a step back when I need to. What is manageable everyday can change and that is OK.

With media sensationalizing everything, I would not be surprised if someone with a broken leg would be expected to climb a mountain. There would be a tv special about it, with platitudes about how we all could do it if we tried.

I understand this problem as well and it is getting worse for me. Really stupid simple things are hard, like opening the mail and showering. Sometimes I get so frustrated I do force myself to act, but I am usually sobbing like an idiot by that time.

The only fix I can think of is to get into situations where I must absolutely do something because consequences are unacceptable, like losing my job if I am late. I recently lost a lot of money on medical bills, and surprise, I have no money to spend on takeout just because I am too tired to cook. Having money for that was a luxury where the brain says, "why work when you have moneys to pay for easy, delicious dinner?" Now I make lentil soup even though I am tired because if I don't I will have nothing to eat.

Maybe it is so hard to do things because there are so many things we don't actually need to do. Not really. It is all expectations driving us, with little incentive to back it up except some lofty ideal of cleanliness, responsibility or peer pressure.

If you find a solution let me know. I am biased toward stopping caring about why I feel I need to dust the widescreen tv or put a dish in a sink instead of on a table.

This motivation thing is hard for me as well. I have multiple mental and physical health issues and sensory disability and it is so incredibly hard for me to motivate myself to do anything. Sometimes I honestly think I am just being lazy and trying to justify it for myself but as soon as I actually get up the energy to do it I realize fairly quickly that I really don't have anything in me.

I am always behind on the dishes. Our apartment is, in a word, attrocious, and that's by my standards. I am not happy or comfortable where I live, because of the mess, but I find it so overwhelming that I am doomed before I can start. It doesn't help that I live with someone that literally does not contribute to any housework. So that further saps my motivation.

Some things that do help me:
...i break down jobs. For instance, whenever I do get around to cleaning the kitchen, it's usually several loads of dishes and sandblasting stuff off the counter that's been glued there for however long. My back can't handle being on my feet for hours at a time sometimes so I will maybe go rinse dishes, sit for 5 or 10 minutes, go back and finish getting them into the dishwasher, or only partially load the dishwasher, then another 5-10 min break, then go back, finish loading and run the dishwasher, and start up a sink of soapy water to start washing stuff by hand. I continue like that until it's done. And I do everything that way. Taking out recycling and compost, doing the laundry, cleaning the bathroom - I'll clean the sink and mirror first, then work on the tub and tiles, then the toilet, then the floor. In the bedroom I'll sit on the bed and work through the piles of stuff on the floor because I can do that sitting. And gradually work my way around the room.

It also helps to make a list breaking stuff down, say, by day. Do one important or big chore per day, but allow myself to break it up into manageable bits with breaks in between. Hurting myself and/or overwhelming myself with the workload, no matter how huge it is, doesn't do me or anyone else any favours.