*sighs* Please reply. I'm in need of some support... *triggering*

When we are feeling vulnerable it is easy to take things the wrong way - we are here to support you pupp - I hope you have aT or can get one to help you too

This makes a lot of sense. No time better than the present to work on things to improve your life. We are reaching out to you and you have a reaction which keeps us back from you. If you can feel safe then you won't feel the need to push us away. I would suggest that you work on feeling safe here. To do this be aware when this reflex happens (you reach out, we reach back, you get afraid and you do something to push us back). When you are aware that it is happening be aware of what you are thinking and feeling. The next step after this is to be aware of the messages that are popping up for you. ("people are dangerous", etc.). Then really think about these messages and ask yourself if they apply in this situation............. Feeling safe and trusting is a step by step endeavor.

alright... ill try...

((((((cuddles for pupp))))))), if ok .

sort of... im unsure on hugs,... i want them...but dont feel safe enough... in bad place...
*curls up*
sorry...
thank you...
i do want them though... just unsure right now...on so much going on...so muddled...

hey pupp i am struggling right as well very hard and i am not in a safe place. i just want to run from my life and never look back

uh... ok...

(((((Pupp)))))

thanks manda...
*sits down beside you and cuddles in your arms*

struggling...
feeling on the brink of something happening...
something bad...
though maybe good...
maybe i deserve this...

what the hell
im so screwed up
im sorry everyone here

This makes so much sense Pupp. It is Fear of Intimacy. Many of us here have it or have had it. I had to work through mine.........

How are you doing now?

its not fear of intimacy.

then what is it Pupp?
Sure sounds like fear of intimacy to me... you are afraid to let people get close to you.

no.
its not.

Okie dokie.........

look you have no clue what goes through my mind or why i do certain things ok?
so stop assuming.
its not just fear of intimicy.
yeah may be part of it but
its just fear all together
i dont even know what it clearly is
just leave me alone please if youre going to post with just "okay"?... what is the point in that?

you did the same thing here:
so maybe you could give us an idea of why you did it, and also take a guess at why sannah did it.

no one here is trying to hurt or belittle you, pupp. but at the same time, we (or most of us) aren't therapists. so we can only guess at what you feel, because most of us have been in similar places to where you are now.

it is ok if what we are saying isn't helping you. you are allowed to say that. but it would be helpful if you could say what exactly you mean by "support". right now, a lot of us are guessing (and trying the best that we can), but apparently we keep getting it wrong.

if you could say "i just want hugs", or "i just want someone to hear me", or "i just want someone to say 'poor pupp'", - or whatever it is you REALLY want, then it would help us a lot in being able to support you.

ppl here do care, pupp. but it is difficult to know how to respond in a way that you will find helpful.

right now i want people to stop assuming what it is going on with me. i hate when people do that.

and i said uh ok because someone posted in my thread for support talking about themselves. no support at all.

Which seems to be worse -- when they guess way off, or when they guess too close?

neither.
assuming at all is just plain annoying.
why cant people ask?

why can't you just tell? (i'm being cheeky here, pupp - not meaning to stir you ).

but it's like - just to take an example - when i offered you a hug a few pages back, you replied that you were unsure about receiving it. that is ok.

i guess a lot of us have found it useful to identify why we feel ambivalent about those sorts of things. for me, it really is a fear of intimacy (or used to be. i love hugs now. i demand them from everyone, gimme gimme!! ).

so maybe us guessing isn't helping you, or is "annoying" you. i would be interested to know why you find it hard to accept something like a hug, which is given in support. is it the physical element, or is the fact that support itself is being offered? do you think you can break it down to help me understand?

eta: just wanted to add - i don't want to waste your time (or mine) trying to offer support or help in a way that isn't useful to you. if you would prefer me not to reply here at all, then i would really appreciate if you could tell me that. i won't be offended, i'll just see it as pupp being assertive about her needs/wants and think that's a great thing! but if it is ok with you for me to keep posting here, please try to understand that i'm only trying my best and i will most probably say things which you find "annoying"? i'm not doing it to hurt you, it's just that i don't have a clear picture of how i can best support you just yet. so i'll also need you to cut me some slack - appreciate that the sentiment is there, even if i'm wildly of the mark.

i dont mind you posting at all...

i guess i fear both...
i dontknow anymore.
i fear intimicy but i also fear support and people helping me.
i fear...
i fear love i guess too.
i fear a lot im a baby. -.-
put my walls up. so used to them being there. push people away. dont want them to deep inside. but cant really stop myself from doing it. its like a reaction/?? does this make sense?

i really want to hurt myself right now.
im crying little tears right now but can feel them ready to run down my face and not stop.
cant cope with this for goodness sake.

This makes total sense Pupp. You have an opportunity here now to work on this reaction that you have. I suspect that this reaction affects you quite a bit IRL too. I assume you can understand how this reaction can cause problems for you? We here are much more patient than people IRL.

Yeah it does affect me a lot in person. But well, yeah.
And I have a tutor who is extremely patient with me. She won a teaching award in special educational needs a few weeks ago. She is amazing. She's been my tutor for 2 and a half years. She's very patient, very compassionate, warm, gentle heart, lovely, kind, beautiful soul... But I'm leaving this Thursday... it's heartbreaking for us both... she said she's never worked so closely with someone before... we are extremely close but my walls do present a bad difficulty, she knows I have difficulties, and she knows I also have difficulties controlling myself, but she doesn't hold it against me.
She cares for me and she's just... well, one in a million to put in short... which is why leaving my school is so hard on me amongst other reasons... *sighs*

But yeah, she's probably one of the very few people in person who are extremely patient with me and more so patient than people who I've met on here.

Anyway.
*shrugs*
Hm.

(((((((((( pupp )))))))))))

(hope hugs are ok)