[swwalsh2003]

I was wondering if anyone else found that their cutting had become an addiction. I find that I am cutting just to feel the pain but with no apparent reason. Can cutting become an addiction? My wife is concerned that it may esculate to a fatal degree. I have told her that it is not a big deal as lots of people do it. Should I be concerned or will this go away with time?

[Sannah]

SI can become addictive. Just like with alcohol you can sometimes need to do more SI to get the same effect. Are you in therapy? Are you working on dealing with your feelings better?

[Christina86]

Oh yeah, cutting can be an addiction. It can also be habit forming and thus addictive.

Your wife does have a reason to be worried because cutting can escalate to the point where it becomes life-threatening, as well an accidental cut can be life threatening as well.

Generally, once it becomes an addiction that you cannot seem to quit of your own free will - it doesn't go away, and it rarely gets "better" or easier to manage...

Have you sought treatment for it?

[DoggyBonz]

I agree with everyone about it becoming addictive. Hurting yourself is not a "normal" reaction to dealing with what is going on. There is a reason why you are reacting in this way. I strongly believe that cutting is not usually a choice but rather a reaction and it becomes an addictive reaction b/c in the moment you believe you "dealing" with the issue.

I don't mean to sound clinical but your wife does have reason to be worried, besides that fact that you are SI'ing, you might want to consider the idea that you are not dealing with what is going on in communicative way.

I know it might be a big step but talking to a therapist might be helpful. You don't have to make a major commitment, just one step at a time.

Could you put yourself in your wife's place? What would you think of her cutting and what would you do to help her? What would you say? Would you be concerned?

Just some random thoughts that I hope are helpful.

[phoenix7]

yes its addictive...i thiink i have become addicted......

a T is helping me - I hope you have or will get a T to help you

I know my SI has escalated and become dangerous so your wife is right to be worried -

as Doggybonz said - think what you would do if this was your wife with the problem - how would you help her to help herself -

if i seem short please forgive me - I do not mean to be

[swwalsh2003]

thanks all to your replies. My wife has said that before of what would I do if she was doing it. As for a T, no I dont have one, I just have a pdoc and we are taking it one step at a time. We are looking into a T but have had bad expirences with them so i am dragging my feet. Thanks again for all of your input.

steve

[DoggyBonz]

That is great that you are taking it one step at a time. I had some pretty bad experiences with T's who did not understand and/or wanted me locked up. It was really scary but I knew that it was more important for me to work with someone than let it go.

I'm happy that you are talking to a p-doc and taking it from there. This stuff can be hard but and at times you might want to quit, but it's par for the course. I hope that you are able to find a therapist that you feel comfortable with and provides you with a positive atmosphere to grow and take a look at yourself in.

I am not an open person, I was not raised that way nor do I feel comfortable. It has taken me a long time and often times I still revert into what is safe. The SI is serving a purpose for you and in time you may learn new ways of handling things. It takes time, so be gentle with yourself and give yourself HUGE credit for taking the step you have.

Keep us informed.

[phoenix7]

there are some good T's out there - I hope you find one

[swwalsh2003]

I think I understand more why I do it, nothing seems to go right in my life. Everytime I cut you feel a sense of relief, I guess it is my way of going on with life.... the pain fits the way you feel. I feel that I must be punished for what is going wrong in my life, that in some way it is my fault. Just hope I can find other ways of dealing with the feelings, one day maybe, but can't see it in the early future.

[étudiante]

It was very hard for me to open up to my T about SI even though I share everthing else with her and do all I can to help myself. Once I felt safe enough to open up it was a huge change but in a good way. I am very lucky my T isn't close minded and she has done alot of learning about DBT, which is what we are using to help me cope in a better way. I am a borderline and SI is often part of that diagnosis and DBT has been a life changing/saving treatment. Through the work with my T, DBT, and journaling I have found I SI when I am overwhelmed with emotions that I feel/think that I can't handle and the SI doesn't hurt when I do it but instead it releases endorphins (our bodies own natural painkillers) and all of the emotion that had been taking over relaxes away. BUT this is temporary. I feel worse afterwards and I am embarrassed and I feel guilty. When I tell my T though instead of threatening me or getting mad we work together to figure out what emotions I was initially feeling unable to handle and soon I realize that I have the skills to deal with the emotions and to make progress. I am not cured but I SI far less.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by swwalsh2003

nothing seems to go right in my life.

Everytime I cut you feel a sense of relief,

the pain fits the way you feel.

I feel that I must be punished for what is going wrong in my life, that in some way it is my fault.

Just hope I can find other ways of dealing with the feelings,

This is a good start! Everything that I fixed with myself I did it step by step. You find yourself in a bad place and this is when you start the work. 1) What is going on with me right now, 2) understand it the best that you can (and this might take a several times to come to a good understanding), 3) Get as much insight and info that you can on the situation from your therapist to getting it here. 4) what are my options, how can I work on this, how can I change it, what else can I try, what is causing this, etc............

There are no quick fixes and there are no big jumps to solving this stuff. It is solved through small steps and a lot of understanding of what is going on. Steps cannot be skipped............

[swwalsh2003]

i did well for a while. But the past few days have been bad lows. Wife wants to know why i can talk to her the way i talk on here. I cant even give an answer, i am not upset with her going onto pc and reading my posts but just makes me feel as if she doesnt trust me. Not being able to give her and answer make me that much more upset with myself then back to cutting again. Anyhow thanks for reading all my pointless posts

[phoenix7]

they are not pointless - somtimes they can even help you not to cut - just getting the emotions out there - I am so sorry youa re in such a bad place - its hard to think that things will get better whne it seems so dark - but they can and do - Im sure your wife and us will be here to support you -

you can do this - you can stop when the time is right for you - I hope that time is now - I hope you wont hurt yourself again

please be kind to yourself ok

p7

[Indie'sOK]

I have found this same thing, that it kind of becomes an addiction. Sometimes I don't even want to do it, but I still do. It seems like I don't really "feel" anything at times, though.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by swwalsh2003

Wife wants to know why i can talk to her the way i talk on here. I cant even give an answer, i am not upset with her going onto pc and reading my posts but just makes me feel as if she doesnt trust me. Not being able to give her and answer make me that much more upset with myself then back to cutting again. Anyhow thanks for reading all my pointless posts

sw, there is a reason why you can't tell your wife these things. My interpretation is that your wife wants to understand and help you and this is why she is reading here.

So you get upset with yourself when you cannot understand yourself?