It's been almost 6 years...

Since I cut. The last time was January 2004. I still haven't cut but I really want to lately. I've found myself constantly burning my arm with my cigarettes. I try and keep tapping the fire on my arm to prevent burning, but cause the pain none the less. I don't want marks because my husband will leave me if he knows I've been doing it. That's the only thing that's prevented me from cutting. Now I just don't know how to stop again. Up until a couple weeks ago hurting myself never crossed my mind any more, now ANY time I'm upset it's all I think about and all I do.

How do I stop thinking about it? I was doing so well!!!!!!!

Sounds like you have some stressors going on. People SI because they don't know any other way to deal with their distress. Do you want to talk about your stressors????

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. How did you quit the last time? I know it's tough but try to hang in there.

(((((((hugs)))))))))

Something has changed in the past year. It's ok that can happen. But it sounds like things have changed that you can't do this alone. Can you talk to your husband about the FEELINGS to get some support? if not, do you have a therapist who might be able to help?

How are you getting negative feelings out? Do you have a journal or punching bag or someone to talk to when things get rough?

Do you feel sufficient? Do you feel like you have shortcomings? Do you feel guilty? Why, and how do you get those feelings out?

Sending hugs

(((Kris))). It is an addition and relaspes do happen. You are a very strong person. Do not think other wise. You are going through a lot right not and that probably triggered it but I know you can stop.

Sorry to hear that you are going through so much angst right now. This is an addiction and it comes up on us suddenly. First congrats on 6 years. That is a great deal of time and you should acknowledge that yourself.

Just to say what has been said before - are seeing a therapist? If not maybe this would be a good time to talk to someone about what is going on. It's hard to figure out what triggers us, I know that at times I will just feel SI'ing and I don't know why.

You are doing the best you can with the resources you have so please don't beat yourself up over the fact that you think you should be doing better. You are still doing well, but in order to get through this I think you might want to continue writing and find someone even your husband to talk to.

We are here to support you - so write here about what is going on and what has changed...you are not ALONE!!!

I do have a therapist, I have only seen her once so far but I see her again Monday. I have so many things to talk to her about, so many problems going on with me I don't know if I have time to bring up this... I think it all started though because of an idiotic thought I had one night (and still have but have not acted on it) to burn my face with an iron... Long story behind it.

For every day that passes though I think more and more about this. I'm tired of burning, It's not the same as cutting.

I can't really talk to my husband about any of this, he has made it perfectly clear that he will leave me if I do it and put me in the hospital. So he's out of the question.

I know a lot has changed recently and I'm thinking now, when I stopped cutting it wasn't all me. I ended up also going through a numb phase. For years I felt nothing, now that my feelings have come crashing back with fury, so has everything else I used to do and feel.

I'm trying to get hold of this and control my feelings but I am finding it rather impossible!

(((((kris)))))

It is very difficult to control our feelings. It is best to work through them in therapy. I have heard that burning is associated with anger.

It will be ok you are strong!

It's good you have a T to go to...
I think this is a very important thing to bring up in your session with her.

You have to stay safe, and probably talking about it will bring up other things you need to talk about anyway. Is there any way you can schedule an extra meeting if there's too much to bring up? Or write out a list so that both you and your T know everything you want to cover?

Please do everything you need to stay safe, keep talking about it here if it helps