Resisting is not enough

<font color="green">Think I am finally starting to creep out of the current depression hole. I just feel less hmmm maybe more able to move. Less entangled less hmmm I don’t have any words for it
That feeling that you have become inert; that even raising a finger would be a colossal effort, as if my thoughts are sloughing through setting concrete.
Today I feel more alert and have noticed stuff that last week I didn’t see. It’s no wonder I can't keep up with the house.
I feel as if I climbed out of one pit only to find that the pit in a pit of its own
This pit is one of my more dangerous ones. Here is were I would have the energy to si and am still depressed enough to want to do it.
I am still stuck in the "I don’t want to do anything harmful but I don't know what to do with my hmmmm stress mode.” Fears? Anger? I don’t want to take up drugging or drinking. I never realized how many little ways I found to si through the years. Every one that I find I have to root out and find ways to make myself conscious of it and stop doing it.
I think the worst of it is there is so much crap in my brain I can't see clear to anything positive -- at least in this area. I really need to find an alternative habit, cos just resisting is not enough.
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((((((((dalila)))))))) it's hard. maybe if you throw your energy into something constructive like cleaning or gardening or writing or painting or anything that burns it off but in a good way. sometimes when i feel this way, i like to think about other people to take my mind off my disgust with myself. perhaps thinking about the friends you've made on PC and writing their names down and a list of good things about them will help you not think about the bad things you may be thinking about. then you could always give that list to that person and help brighten their day. or it could just be a mental list, if you want.

most anything that gets you thinking outside the endless cycle of thoughts in your head will be useful, or at least it is for me. stay safe and feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk.

-shadow

When my si was at its worse. my p'doc gave me a medicine that they give to alcholics when they come into the hospital. it seemed to lessen the urge until i was able to cope on my own. sorry I forgot the name of the drug but maybe it is worth a try.

(((((dalia)))))))))
I so know what you mean. I like to play with my dog. Even if it means staying up late or wasting time. It soothes me. I also am starting a new hobby - quilting. Keep yourself safe most of all.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{dalia}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
boy do I know exactly what you mean.....you told it like it is for me too......I hate it so much....I want to so bad right now and I have anxiety BIG time because I am not....but the day is not over with yet either....but resisting is JUST NOT ENOUGH to stop it...
so sorry your feeling this way

<font color="green">Thank you everybody, I am still maintaining. or at least mostly so. Only form of si I am currently practicing is over eating.

I have little spurts of energy but not much. For me depression is a black pit of tar that I cannot find the strength to resist.I am so sick of it all. I just want to wake up without this black cloud surrounding me. If I can't do that then I may as well go back to cutting. However for now I intend to continue to resist and continue to try to overcome this mess. </font>

way to go! keep resisting!

i'm sorry that you're stuck in the tar though.

(((((((((((((((((dalila))))))))))))))))) i hope you get out from under your black cloud soon....if it starts to rain, i'll share an umbrella with you.