Trouble resisting

Many of you might know.. I have bulimia and SI. With bulimia, I know why I don't want to do it. It hurts my body and I get sick easily. It makes me feel outof control.

Its harder for me to know why I don't like to cut. Its very superficial cuts and it sometimes makes me feel calmer and more in touch with me. It feels like im nurturning myself in a wierd way. The urges have been growing greater. In my mind I want to believe that I can love myself and cut myself at the same time.

What an irony.

EV

Hi EV,

I know what you mean. I've been tempted to try bulimia, but I don't really want to do that much damage to myself. I feel the same way you do about cutting. I also do it superficially, and it's really hard to find a reason not to, isn't it? But that isn't really being in control either, even though it feels like it helps.

I'm sorry that you are in so much distress that you feel like trying to relieve it in these ways. Although it can never replace loving and caring about yourself, you are very much loved here.

Thanks for posting. I've been thinking about you.

I tried replying to your other thread the other day too, but it doesn't seem to have shown up. I must not have pushed the right buttons.

Rap

Thanks Rap.

I just had a heart - to - heart with myself and God. There is no reason that I should sit alone cutting instead of talking to God or listening to soothing music. Hopefully it will be like when i started trying to eat healthy. It felt like murder just the thought of eating salads, but when I did it was better than eating hamburgers everyday. Anyways. I'm just hoping substituting other things with cutting will be like that.

BTW. Rap... Don't EVER EVER EVER give into the thoughts that say ..try bulimia.. Its horrible. I've been sick for two weeks because my immune system is so low. Stay healthy and take care of yourself!

EV

Sounds good, EV. And thanks for the advice. I definitely know better than to try it. The closest I got was to eat too much food and then drink so much water that I was seriously uncomfortable, and then to to the ladies room thinking about getting rid of it, but I didn't have the ability to just do it, and was scared to try anyway. My T just said that I have an eating disorder though. I never figured that what I do counts.

Stay strong and take care,
(((((((hugs)))))))))
Rap

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((EV))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

safe soothing hugs.

((((((((EV)))))))))

aww *hugs*

awww thanks guys...

i have made myself vomit before in hopes of losing weight, but my cutting lasted much longer than that.