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#1
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somthing good happens - then i do somthing bad (almost as if i have to do somthing bad cos i dont deserve the somthing good) - then i have a very strong almost irristable need to SI to punish myself - and once again im stuck in a loop.....
example.... i spoke to a friend for a long time and had a really nice chat (GOOD) then i have a feeling like somthing bad is going to happen ![]() ![]() I went out to get some shopping i needed - but overspent when i knew the money was for bills that are already overdue (BAD) Maybe because somthing bad didint happen - i am maknng it happen to prove myself right? dunno ? ![]() Then i get really anxious as to how on earth im gonna pay the bills when ive spent the money on crap stuff grrrrrr and angry at myself - and i want so badly to SI - to calm myself (yes i know that sounds nuts) and also to punsh myself and leave a mark to show how dumb i am so i wont do it again - BUT I ALWAYS DO IT AGAIN GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ![]() ![]() ( The need to SI to punish myself ) WHY CANT I JUST STOP AND MOVE ON - LEARN AND MOVE ON ...... sighs.... and then i get sad... and all i want to do is hide away in bed and not come out forever......... ![]() in the meantime i havnt cut but ive opened old wounds which means more scars and i hate scars ......... but they make me as ugly on the outside as i feel on the inside i guesss ....... dunno..... ![]() ![]() ![]()
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts ![]() its how many times you get back up! ![]() ![]() (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture ![]() When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet Last edited by phoenix7; Nov 16, 2010 at 01:00 PM. Reason: Added trigger icon |
#2
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(((phoenix7)))
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![]() ![]() *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
![]() phoenix7
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#3
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Could you be anxious after something good happens (because you are waiting for the other shoe to drop?) so you make the other shoe drop so that you don't have to anticipate and feel anxious?
Calming yourself with SI isn't nuts. This is why many people do it. You can't just stop this until you figure out why you are doing it and work from there.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
![]() lynn P., phoenix7
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#4
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I'm not always good with words........but I am good with hugs. (((((((((((((((((((Phoenix)))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you're feeling this dilemna........grey
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![]() lynn P., phoenix7
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#5
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Quote:
Quote:
I cant remember anything good happening without something bad happening soon after...... so i guess if i make it happen at least i can control the severity of the pain ........ although i always seem to make it equal or greater thant the hapiness so none is left to invite any more pain.. Quote:
thanks for your replies... i guess i just dont know how to stop the anxiety after the "happy" .....while im waiting for the bad.....
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts ![]() its how many times you get back up! ![]() ![]() (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture ![]() When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
#6
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All of your examples had to do with your toxic family so if you keep your distance from toxic people this will help a lot. This might also help your anxiety because if you stay away from toxic people less bad stuff will happen.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
![]() phoenix7
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