Am I weird???

I find myself wishing that I could die. You know?

Like, I am sad that there are wonderful people, with so many happy things happening in their lives...and they're diagnosed with some critical condition, or they die in crashes. Why must it go this way?? It just seems cruel to me.

Why not take me? A couple of people might miss me a little, but there won't be thousands of people in mourning over my death. It sounds like jealousy, as I read this. But that's not how it feels to me. I feel sad. I feel insignificant ~ why can't I go?

That is a common thought process to have...so do not think you are weird by any means. We in this forum know what it is like to feel that way, it is important however to understand why you feel that way.

Is it like survivors quilt?

"Guilt is believed to serve four functions: defending against helplessness, effecting self-punishment, inhibiting impulses, and preventing the event from becoming meaningless". (Donna Marzo)

No...it's like wishing that I could go instead. What do I have to live for? Not much. I have my girls (which is my main motivation to stay) but they are considerably closer to their daddy. I'm sure that my death wouldn't be incredibly devastating to anyone.

These other people bring so much happiness and peace to so many people all over the world. Ya know? Maybe it's wishing that I could be that loved by others. Maybe that's it.

I can understand what you mean Shez and I don't think it's weird. It's sad because I'm sure that you are important to more people than you realize.

I've felt that way too though. When you hear about a young mother that dies of cancer and it seems so wrong and unfair because she had so much to live for - she was beautiful and happy and loved. Then you look at yourself and think about what little you have and wish you could take their place and they could be back with their loved ones as they should. Is that what you mean?

That sounds very probable....

Yes, that's exactly what I mean.

Thanks Paige!

I'm not religious, but if you are, then look at it this way

The ones that have passed away, have done all they were suppose to on this planet.If someone is left alive, regardless of how much people care or not, it's because that person is given another chance.Another chance to make himself a better person, to live a good life and hopefully to find peace.

Use the chances you can get, and don't take life for granted.Be happy for what you have, how ever small it may be.

No not weird to me, youre not alone on this one...I thought about this for a while yesterday....But yea main reason to stay is for my daughter.

I said something similar to my ex-boyfriend a week before he died of melanoma, that I wished I could take his place. He was 57, handsome, an architect, a musician, a community presence who touched a lot of people. My life is tiny, useless. I understand the feeling.

Then again, you can never know the ripples, positive ones, that your existence causes for others. Depression magnifies pain and alienation.

That hit home with me shezbut. I got hit hard when I learned that a neighbor literally was struck and killed by a bus in the Disney World parking lot. He had everything to live for, every reason to be alive, and he's gone. I've been shattered and upset for days. My mental illness is so severe.......every day is such a trial.......I would swap my life, what is left of it, for his.......in a heartbeat. I guess no-one said that life is going to be fair........

((greylove))

Yep, you've got exactly what I was saying...thank you.

Of course... All of those classic quotes come in, "Nobody ever said life is fair", etc. So true ~ but it doesn't make a person feel any better to hear those words.