Self-mutilation

Hi

I'm a little nervous but please try to bare with me. My name is Lisa Herbert. I previously slashed up the underside of my arms a few days ago. I am depressed. I feel that everytime something good gets started in my life, something bad always, always seems to happen. I don't know what to do. I feel that cutting releases my pent-up anger and depression.

I know this might sound crazy, but when the blood flows... I am finally in a relaxed state.

anyway, I want more help than what I am getting, because I do not feel like anyone around me understands what it is I am going through, why I feel the way I do, why I seem to alienate those around me when it is clear that they care for me, etc.

I want help to deal with things but I cannot find any counselling.. I need some anchor that I can grab onto before I sink.

If anyone is willing to understand and help me. please contact me at tomgurl_7@yahoo.com

Hi Lisa -- I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. I think you'll find a lot of people on here who know exactly what you're going through and really do understand. Some kind of professional help is really important, though. If you tell us where you're from, there might be someone here who can help you find a counselor.

Hey Lisa, you've found the right place here. Everyone's really supportive and understanding. I always feel like something bad's gonna happen too... You've got an anchor here at PC, especially in SI.

But...one thing. Can you please not refer to it as self-mutilation? I dunno, it might just be me, but some people here might have a problem with that phrase. Sorry.

*Hugs*

Hello again:

Sorry to refer to cutting as 'self-mutilation' but that is the term I was told it was. My apologies. To give you some background: I live in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I live with my mom and my twin brother. I do not have a great relationship with either one. My mom tends to ignore the idea of counselling. We went to counselling once, as suggested by my family doctor and she thought it was bogus. I have come to grips with her attitude and know that I cannot change it. I want the counselling for me. If it is going to make me feel better than so be it. I have other problems that I need to deal with, such as personal relationships, dealing with the fact that I was raped twice and the fact that I am angry and I blame my friends for the problems that I am suffering.

I hope you manage to get counselling then, and I really hope it helps you. Until then, you have PC.

Oh, and dw about the phrasing thing. You can call it whatever you like.

Hey, i know it may feel like ur the only one going through this but keep in mind that ur not alone, everyone here understands the pain ur going through. I am wondering if u got a therapist or a psychologist? Are u under the care of a dr? Is there someone u trust u can go to? For example a priest, friend etc? If you need to talk to someone u can allways email me at black_dragon211187@hotmail.com or PM me here. I have been self inflicted for 6 years now. I know the feeling of being alone and no one understanding. I hope u find alot of support here.

((((((((Lisa))))))))))) I am glad you found this place. It is very supportive. I think that it is very important that you find counseling as this behavior can be very addicting. There are physiological reasons that you feel the way you do after cutting. If you want someone to talk to please feel free to PM me anytime.

I would like counseling but here in Toronto, Ontario, Canada counseling services are not covered under OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan). I am a full-time at-home student studying and I cannot to pay for counseling. I was thinking of seeing my doctor again, but I have little time to take off because my studies demand so much of my time.

A few nights ago, I added more cuts to the undersides of my arms. I feel just so alone and angry. If anyone knows of any counseling available where I am and all I need to go is a doctor's note or something, please let me know. I am in desperate mode and all I want to do is cut, slash, and gouge the pain that I am feeling.

I am sorry that I do not know anything about the medical system in Canada but I was wondering if there were some councellors at your school that you could see. I really hope that you can find help as it sounds like it may be escallating. Please try and be safe.

((((((Lh23)))))

I didn't check on your posting date; however, I DO know that self-mutilation is a form a "release"..........I was doing great for 3 weeks & the pressure was building. I preset out all bandages, tapes, towels, everything & the "release" was such a release; as a recovering alcoholic. I can say it was like doing a few shots & a chaser.........I am calm now.

I am sorry, this is probably not an appropriate post, but to complete my release, I needed to document (what do expect from an X-nurse--documentation or it didn't happen) Sorry, for any triggering it might might have caused......very selfish on my part............ DAYZEE9

I'm like you Dayzee. . .I too set out bandages, tape, neosporin, whatever I might need to take care of it. My T now believes that SI is not suicidal behavior b/c we do so much to take care of ourselves AFTER the fact. I'm a former paramedic. . .can even suture (albeit one handed) if necessary.

The release is amazing. . .its like, I can finally function again.

On Self-Injury..........
Being a SIer, a nurse and a researcher on mental health behavior on the side; there are 3 main points that I always try to beat into the heads of ignorant Dr's & nurses at ER's.

#1) SI is not done for attention
#2) SI is not a suicidal gesture
#3) SI is a form of release; a way of coping w/ excessive stress, depression (to AVOID suicide) & anxiety.

So far, I've been pretty successful; If it's put out in front of them in a short order like above in a somewhat rational mood (I realize if you have to go to the ER it's pretty hard to remain rational......especially when ER staff stick a gigantic amount of stigma to SIer's; they look at us as a "pain in the ***" "taking up time away from REAL patients" and many times are not even numbed properly when staples and/or sutures are needed) I am working w/ an advocacy group working for the "rights of SIers in the healthcare system" Being an ex-member of that system -- I know patient rights & I see a great violation going on! I'm sure there are some of you all can relate in one way or another.

As far as "Self-Mutilation" goes; I admit, it sounds like you take ice picks and chainsaws to ourselves but it's referred to many things depending on where you live. But we all know, bottom line what it's all about........so relax...

Today being Vet's Day -- my SI early this a.m. was after writing in my journal about how the military screws ppl's minds over, including mine; that was like a sacrifical "blood-letting" and I am sorry if I "triggered" or offended anyone.

DAYZEE9

I do school from home so it is just me, I've added more cuts to my arms... I was just so mad. Not as angry as I have been, but I have tried to listen to music, read (which I love doing) and nothing seems to work but SI. When I did it last night, I felt better. I think something is really wrong with me. Counseling is something I think I would greatly benefit from but I don't have the money to pay for it. Things for me just keep getting worse. All I know is the madder I am at the time I begin to cut, the deeper the cuts to my arms get.