It won't get out of my head!!!

When am I going to get some sleep? ugh! Thoughts of suicide and cutting are on my mind 24/7 and if I finally do get an hours sleep, I dream about cutting and suicide and I wake up in cold sweats. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to do anything to stop these thoughts. I feel like they are pushing me, trying to make me do it. I feel at war with my own self. These thoughts are pushing me in a direction I can't seem to stop. I am keeping busy trying to stop them, but they won't stop. I just want some sleep, and for these horrid thoughts to go away.
Ally

I know what you mean. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Ally,
Does your therapist know about this?
Do you have any movies to watch to help you get your mind on something else?
Jane

Ally,
I am sorry you are feeling so badly. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Call a hotline, call a friend, or even call 911 if you feel unsafe. PM me if you need to.

Love, Jenn

((((Ally)))) sounds like a horrible place to be in, I can relate. I've always thought that things would be so much easier if I wouldn't be 'fighting' myself. It's kind of like you're your own worst enemy, right? but if it helps at all, post here and as others have suggested try to keep yourself busy w/ activities, so that you can get distracted and a break from this. I find that sometimes forcing myself to do things, especially with other people, will help some. can you tell a friends? T? someone? this is a lot to deal with on your own.

Hi Ally,

If you have a t or pdoc, please call him right away. You need help with this. Hang on and call him.

Jan

(((((((((((((((((((((Hey Alley! ))))))))))))))))))))))

I've also been fighting these feelings. I wake up in the morning feeling like a loser b/c I didn't cut the night before. (Night time, early a.m. is my cutting time) I felt like nobody cared that about it being my birthday today. I have been thinking about cutting all day, but my T isn't home; and I cannot tell my hubbie (I dug around his stuff and found my old cutting knife & hid it good.

Ally, you have alternatives ---- us! Ppl around here care about you.....I never get much support, much. BUT, YOU DO!! In the meanwhile, just keep your mind occupied---for me---I always have a "movie fest" Watch all my favorite funny ones, ("What About Bob'is my favorite & "Patch Adams")

Hang in there, girl! In times of adversity, you find great courage.................

Prismatic9

happy birthday prismatic! Thanks everyone else for your replies, and advices. I have spoken to my doctor yesterday about all this, he said that I might need to be on different medication, he said something about effexor... or something. I don't really know about it, or if it could help me feel better and get some sleep. My doctor and psychiatrist will have a talk about that and get back to me I guess. In the meantime, I have to sit on my hands and wait....
Ally

Ally Angel,

Please keep sitting on your hands, or take up knitting, until you get your meds adjusted. Don't be afraid to follow-up with your therapist and/or doctor. They need to keep your meds at the right levels and combinations--that's their jobs!!!

What are your plans for Christmas?

Hugs, Jane

Please call your t or pdoc. They can help you as this is very hard to do on your own. Please be safe and get hold of someone. PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.

prismatic- just as a side note, I saw that it was your birthday (it announces it a the top of the main forum menu) and I remembered having read some of your posts/replies.... and I thought that this was a very cool idea to announce people's b-days....hope you had a good one. I'm positive lots of people on here DO CARE.

ally- good to hear you talked to your doc. keep the conv. going w/ him to see what you can do.