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#1
Nov 29, 2011, 12:12 AM
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Please tell me if I am being too obnoxious. Don't want anyone else in my world to be angry with me.
So I don't feel like I can tell my t right now when I am having bad cutting urges. I am having them really really bad right now and I don't know what to do. I am afraid to go to a room alone because I knw I will cut. I have 2 box cutters in my pocket... |
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#2
Nov 29, 2011, 12:34 AM
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You're not being obnoxious
 It just sounds like you are trying to reach out. If you would like to talk I'm here. Will be most of the night. Wishing you strength and peace .
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 nicoleb2
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#3
Nov 29, 2011, 12:39 AM
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Thank you. I am really scared to reach out right now. I feel like i am angering and frustrating everyone and I don't want to alienate everyone. Although I suppose a lot of people will read this and ignore it, which is fine too...
I just don;t know what to do anymore. I don't want to be anymore |
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#4
Nov 29, 2011, 12:44 AM
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Boy are you in luck that I came across your thread because it is next to impossible to anger or frustrate me
I am Bipolar and am going through a depressive state right now so I can totally relate to the not wanting to be. I don't want you to feel like you have to talk to me if you don't want to but I don't judge and I'm a good listener. I just want you to know you're not alone right now.
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| nicoleb2
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#5
Nov 29, 2011, 12:50 AM
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Thank you. I am just trying to figure out where to go from here. Cutting urges are so strong I am afraid to even be alone with myself in the bathroom. I just want to make all the pain/sadness/frustation go away
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#6
Nov 29, 2011, 12:56 AM
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I'm so sorry. I truly am sorry you have so much pain and fear. Has anything specific happened tonight to upset you or is tonight just a bad night?
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#7
Nov 29, 2011, 12:58 AM
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It's been a really rough day. T was awful my t was angry with me, and said so. I don't cope well with anger and want to retreat inward and hide, but since I can't do that, I really want to cut to make all of the thoughts emotions and pain to stop
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#8
Nov 29, 2011, 01:02 AM
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That's really not fair of your T to be that way with you. I know they are human and have bad days like everyone else but they have to recognize that their bad days can have a severe impact on their patients. I'm sure you are doing the best you can right now your T should know that.
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#9
Nov 29, 2011, 03:00 AM
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I used to cut so that I could feel something. My life as a child was unreal I am now a 64 year old child and find a lot of healing by writing. PLEASE, don't cut. I went too far once and was surprised to find that I was still here. Actually, I've only been here for about two years. I have a lot invested in me and I'm never going to quit.. Being stubborn has finally paid off. We are all in here for each other. At any time of night, There is usually someone to talk to. You would not be here because I think you believe that things can get better. Be safe and bless you for your courage. If you are afraid of being alone in your room, go someplace else even if it's just to breathe different air. Bless this room and all that are here. goodnight. I'm so tired I'm seeing double.
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#10
Nov 29, 2011, 03:21 AM
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You are cool  nicole. We are here for you, a bad T session can be triggering, but don't let it get to you too much (I know those are kinda useless words), but a T is your point of contact for healing irl. We are always here for you nicole, forums and chat. Never feel like you're being obnoxious. 
__________________
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement . But the opposite of profound truth maybe another profound truth. (Niels Bohr) Nobel Prize Winner for Physics. The universe started with an 'E'. The universe will end with a 'K'. (lyrics Acid House) Its the truth even if it did not happen. (Ken Kesey) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Real science can be far stranger than science fiction and much more satisfying.
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#11
Nov 29, 2011, 11:00 AM
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Quote:
You have a wonderful opportunity right now to work with your T on your fear of anger. This really is an opportunity for you to start to empower yourself so that you don't feel so weak and powerless. Feeling empowered really is essential for mental health.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#12
Nov 29, 2011, 09:19 PM
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Ugh... stupid Christmas tree is up now. Constant reminder of the stupid holiday. I want to disappear. I don't want to think about or deal with christmas.
I'm so frustrated and anxious and worried about everything right now. I want to cut just so I don't have to think about it for a while. I can't take this anymore. I can't handle being me. I don't like me. I'm a horrible mom, a horrible person. I give up Last edited by nicoleb2; Nov 29, 2011 at 10:37 PM. |
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#13
Nov 30, 2011, 02:31 AM
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Hello nicole.
I am very aware of how the Christmas holidays can be stressful for some. I remember being a child and I loved it (even though I was being abused, it was always the same, the build up to Christmas day - hardly any abuse. After Christmas day - back to normal). I don't believe from talking to you in chat that you are a bad mother. You seem to provide well for you're children (girl guide stuff), picking up children ect. How you see you're self is something that you need to work on you're self. Again from talking to you (impressions through the net), I don't see you as a bad person. Don't use cutting as a short term cure to not dealing with issues in life (I made that mistake myself, now I am very aware that it does not help in any way at all). Use your therapist and use psych central and use 'your self' to get you through this period in your life. Also.......do not give up.
__________________
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement . But the opposite of profound truth maybe another profound truth. (Niels Bohr) Nobel Prize Winner for Physics. The universe started with an 'E'. The universe will end with a 'K'. (lyrics Acid House) Its the truth even if it did not happen. (Ken Kesey) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Real science can be far stranger than science fiction and much more satisfying.
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#14
Nov 30, 2011, 12:19 PM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#15
Nov 30, 2011, 08:49 PM
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I'm still having really bad urges. Last night I barely slept and ended up SI'ing. I cut on my leg this time, and it was so much more tempting to go deeper and deeper. I just want this life to stop
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#16
Nov 30, 2011, 08:52 PM
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Can you contact your T?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#17
Nov 30, 2011, 09:05 PM
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After Monday's session I do not feel comfortable contacting my t. I don't feel safe doing so right now
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#18
Nov 30, 2011, 09:32 PM
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Can't wait until you can talk about this last session with your T.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#19
Nov 30, 2011, 10:25 PM
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I sucked it up and contacted my T. I am feeling really dizzy and disconnected and I don't know if it's meds or anxiety. I am getting all weird between med doses (only 24 hours), so I don't know what the deal is. Called the nurse line and they want me to talk to my pdoc, so I'll leave a message tomorrow but doubt I'll get a call back, again
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| Sannah
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#20
Dec 02, 2011, 08:11 PM
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Thought I'd update as opposed to starting a new thread....
I saw my pdoc today, and he blew off ignoring me for 5 weeks. He decided to keep me on all my old prescriptions and add ritalin despite my concerns that insurance isn't going to pay for half of my meds as of January 1st. So my new prescription is Ritalin. Here's the dose: 5mg 1-2 pills, 3-4 times/per day. I get to pick how many pills I want and how often I want to take them. Asked for input, he told me to "mess around" till I find the right dose... I am having issues with my daughters school, issues with my own mental health stuff... I just want to disappear. I want to cut in the worst kind of way. I'm not sure I should even pick up the ritalin, since I have been having suicidal thoguhts (NO PLANS), but that would be 180 pills... which I really probably dont need on hand.... |
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#21
Dec 02, 2011, 09:02 PM
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hi nicole.....i'm so sorry you've been having such a hard time. it's been almost a year since i si'd. it took a long time to stop for this long but it can be done. i still have an urge here and there. i try to remind myself that i will heal faster or better if i don't si. it's so hard sometimes though. i think that you are a very kind person. i hope that you feel better about things very soon...
.......kasva
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| Sanada
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#22
Dec 02, 2011, 09:36 PM
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Nic.......we love you.
You be you, we will be us. Cutting is short term, not long term (trust me). I'll see you soon.
__________________
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement . But the opposite of profound truth maybe another profound truth. (Niels Bohr) Nobel Prize Winner for Physics. The universe started with an 'E'. The universe will end with a 'K'. (lyrics Acid House) Its the truth even if it did not happen. (Ken Kesey) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Real science can be far stranger than science fiction and much more satisfying.
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#23
Dec 02, 2011, 10:34 PM
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Quote:
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#24
Dec 03, 2011, 02:09 AM
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I can't do it. I couldn't even make it through tonight without cutting. I am a completely lost cause!
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#25
Dec 03, 2011, 05:14 AM
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Nic, you cannot be a lost cause, because you have been found.
Use the strength you have in depression and transform it into strength in loving your self. You are loved, and needed. Remember nicole, it was you and friends here inn this forum that helped me stop s/i-ing. Don't get me wrong I still have urges and I think I am pretty useless to the world at the moment, but as I know and I am sure you know thats not really the truth. You have a lot to offer the world and your self. So do I. Its in this sharing that I find strength to be who I am. If I had not found psych central back in April I would be still lost and probably cutting. So I thank you nicole, and all my friends here (I know I can be a pain sometimes to people here and irl, but if it was not for this site, o.m.goodness I dare not think where I would/might be). Be strong nic, and so will I be. Big Hugs ((nic))
__________________
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement . But the opposite of profound truth maybe another profound truth. (Niels Bohr) Nobel Prize Winner for Physics. The universe started with an 'E'. The universe will end with a 'K'. (lyrics Acid House) Its the truth even if it did not happen. (Ken Kesey) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Real science can be far stranger than science fiction and much more satisfying.
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| nicoleb2
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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