how to reduce intense angry feelings

I wonder if anyone has any ideas about how to reduce intense angry feelings directed towards oneself?

I generally attempt to distract myself but it never reduces the anger and I always feel it boiling away underneath waiting for any split second for the numbness/distraction to end so it can boil over. Sometimes all I feel distraction does is put off the inevitable or allow time for the tension to increase.

At times of deep self hatred and anger deep breathing and relaxation are not really a possibility as I am so hell bent on destruction that my adrenaline is pumping around my body. Also, as awful as it sounds, I don't really want to be kind to myself either because, although I know I don't deserve punishment, a part of me is calmed when I do something that is self-destructive.

I had a few new distraction ideas on a list today but how long do I distract for? My emotions seem to last till forever! I can distract myself for long periods (especially at work) but it doesn't get rid of the emotions. I can be very impulsive but also perhaps very dissociated from my feelings at times too after long periods of distraction. I think may be I'm missing the next part which is actually dealing with the emotions.... How does one deal with emotions?

I know it is advised that people 'ride out the wave' but for me it can feel as though there is no end to the wave - or if I don't 'deal' with one feeling it simply adds onto the next wave until the wave is too overwhelming I have no choice as distraction won't work.

So if anyone has any ideas how to deal with or reduce self hatred/anger then that would be great!

Talking about it, getting it outside of yourself.

Abby,internalizing is what women do best. We try our best to bottle things up inside.
This in itself is frustrating and when the bucket is full; we overflow with our own grief over being victimized. I'm assuming this is where the anger comes from concerning yourself.

Your self hatred sounds pretty unhealthy as it sounds as though you are buying into
guilt that you should not have. I hope that you are getting professional help from someone on addressing this. Do you somehow feel connection to your abuser if you had one? A lot of us here had abuse from family members who we loved and hated. Makes for a lot of confusion, but self harming is a way to let our victimizers win in a way. I feel when I take good care of myself with eating right and
vitamins and stuff, that I feed the child inside and that makes me feel better about things. Taking back from the victimizer, if you will.

Anger I believe is considered the flip side of fear. There are ways to keep oneself
more level about these issues. Therapy is a good source when dealing with anger
as well as all unhealthy emotions and thought process we habitually use. Habitually used mistaken ways of dealing with our emotions and thoughts are quite prevalent in people .Thank you for sharing. Hugs, bj

I agree but this isn't always possible. It is hard to describe without it sounding like an excuse but when I'm angry at myself I am quite easily triggered into anger at other people over things that normally would not irritate me at all. I don't like being near people when I'm angry, not only because I lash out, but also because if they are kind to me I feel as though I have to be grateful and thankful and nice and that frustrates me further....and also I tend to project my self-hatred outwards at times so I have a stong aversion to being near people.

However I will continue talk to my therapist more about the self hatred. Thank you.

I would say my self hatred is unhealthy in that I would probably be able to do a lot more with my life if I was more self-accepting. I know it holds me back in friendships and general socialisation and even irritates friends at times.

These are not feelings generated from abuse but I agree when I am doing the right things like exercise and eating healthy I do feel a lot better about myself. It is interesting how twisted my mind can get in that I can logically know the things that make me feel healthier and yet want to do the complete opposite. It takes a heck of a lot of will power to do the 'right' thing!

It is highly likely that my anger is a cover up for my anxiety. Anxiety I don't feel I should have which is why I become angry at myself. This whole self acceptance concept is seriously beyond me, I think today after doing some thinking about it all I'm realising a big part of me is willing to try something new as self-berating isn't exactly working(!) but another huge part of me is terrified of feeling the feelings underneath the anger which I think is a massive amount of shame and guilt.
Thank you very much for your reply.

Abby, another thought here; have you set impractical high goals for yourself and are disappointed in yourself for not attaining them? Some folks dream beyond their capabilities and expect more from themselves; causing failure. If this were the case, then this might be why you are self berating.

Also address this shame and guilt you mentioned. Was this caused by yourself, or did someone hoist this upon you? If you were brought up with parenting that seemed to be shaming you a lot, making you feel guilty when the error was slight. I know my mother was very much into shaming myself and my siblings. Little in praising anything we did, but acting as though we did not matter much....which by neglect makes one
feels shamed. Not feeling like we deserve much. Just tossing out some ideas here Abby; do take care. Hugs, bj

Good work!! Anger is a secondary emotion so working on the primary feelings that are triggering this anger is a good idea.

Until you deal with what is causing the "self hatred" it will never go away. Distracting is not dealing with your real problem....it's just masking it in hopes that it will go away.

Until you deal with the things that are causing the shame & guilt which is causing your self hatred & your outbursts of anger, you will never heal. It takes being willing to open up your awareness & truly understanding even if it's through a thorough chain analysis of where your current feelings are coming from in your past.

If you truly want to heal & truly want to get better, you will have to go through the pain or opening up to these things & putting them into the proper perspective & yes, even radically accepting what has happened in your past that is causing this shame & hatred.

One cannot accept themselves without accepting the things in the past that are causing the self.....because there are usually changes that need to be made & sometimes it's now wise to accept that we are angry what we need to do is process what is causing the anger & properly put it into it's place, accepting what has happened & then understanding where our life has gone & what changes we need to make to correct in our reacting to those bad things that have happened in our past that have caused us the shame & guilt.

You have a lot going on that you need to deal with....but if you don't open up that past that it feels like you are hiding from that is causing the guilt & shame that keeps haunting you....you will never be able to heal the way you seem to want to. Yes, it takes work & probably a lot of pain of realization.....but it's worth it to be able to put the past where it belongs.....in the past & accepting that it was part of your life so that you can go on & LEARN how to act to life now....reprogram your neuropathways that you have been programming for so long & get on with your life.