[LadyDragus]

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I awake to feel stickiness on my sheets yet again
I turn on my bedside lamp and I feel the cuts move with the motion
I have had this dream before but this time It is so real.
i can actualy see the cuts I can feel the blood on them dripping onto my sheets.
i touch them to see if they are real.. Yep they are in my mind.
But not in my physical world.
What does this mean?
Does this mean I am wanting to cut again? Or does this mean I should start doing it to alive my depession again
I hve not cut on myself in years.. but I feel like I need an outlet and I cant seem to find it anywhere else..

What should I do.
I came here, for I did not want to trigger any of my normall crew in the Creative corner..
Plus you all have delt with this more recently than any of them excpet mayby Mary Alice ???

I am at a loss of what to do..
In my knightmare the cuts feel good and while I am cutting when I awake, i feel no remorse, and I also feel nothing.. Which also scares me..
I am not that badly off in the deperssion area.. Just stressed out and my physical pain is coming back to me very strong.. I have been ahaving many more migranes than normall, and I do not understand where the thoughts of cutting are coming from.. Plus why only in my dreams

When I look at what I used to cut with I get nervous and feel very sick to my stomach? Is this normall ?

I know I most likely should be talking to a threapist, but I can no longer afford one.. I am giong to go and see if I can get some help through my school since that is offerd now.. But I am at a loss right now..

any and all help would be wonderful..

Thank you in advacne

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
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[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lady D}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Please remember hun it is a dream....it is in your thoughts in your sleep and that is all ok? We are all here for you.

Are you able to talk to someone/counsellor at school? What about a mental health drop in centre in your area? I feel so bad for you. I know how strong you are and how well you are doing so hang onto that ok?

I just re read your post and see that there is something offered at your school.....go and see them ok? You are going through a lot and they are there to help you. You are not alone in your struggles ok hun?

Please know that we care for you......sending extra hugs for you {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Trish}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.


Heather

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{{{{{Trish}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I don't know whether this is good or bad, but since last week at work, I have not cut. There is no urge, no need to.......there are no feelings.

Some feelings are needing to be dealt with I think. As long as it stays just a dream, you're doing okay. I'll be thinking of you.

xoxoxo

Mary Alice

[LadyDragus]

I am very proud of you for not cutting..

I will make sure it does stay a dream..or I will try my hardest..

I am thinking of you too

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[LadyDragus]

Yes there is soemthing offerd at my school I am hoping I can go in Wensday and see if they can help,..

I may even try going back to a therapist.. the last one I had, just downplayed my emotions and downplayed why I came to him.. So two shots in the dark went south, and I am tired of them all playing head games with me.. I want to be able to talk to them, and feel better not feel like I did when I came in.. and on top of it.. I can not afford a good one..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
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[Rapunzel]

Trish,

I'm sorry you had a dream like that. I also think you should talk to a professional about it. Some of the people at college counseling centers are very good - they are often the ones who train the graduate students.

I had a dream like that too, a few weeks ago. It was right after my T told me I had to stop cutting. The dream was very real - I had turned my stomach and one thigh into mush; much worse than I ever really did, and I could feel it too. When I woke up I thought I had really done it and was wondering how I was ever going to explain doing that. It must have taken at least 5 minutes before I was able to figure out that it was a dream - I was in shock. One more thing I haven't told anybody, even my T and especially my husband. I'm not really sure what it means. Maybe I was just satisfying that urge one last time before giving it up?

I think it is a good sign that looking at what you used to cut with makes you nervous and sick to your stomach. There might be some part of you that still wants to cut again, but that part is not in control of you. I would probably take your dream as a sign that you need to work though the issues that made you want to cut before, especially since the dream is recurring. Does that sound like a possibility to you?

Wendy

<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>

[LadyDragus]

IT took me about ten minutes to fiqure out that it was not a dream...

I really do not have anyone I can talk to in 3D.. for If I even bring it up, they say what about your kids ??
So I have to be very very careful what I say to anyone..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
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[Zenobia]

I have had a couple of dreams like that, so real. In the morning it is hard to connect to the fact that it was indeed a dream. As the day progresses I feel out of touch, dissociated from reality. I was there but was I really? I injured myself to get back to reality. Now I don't think I would need too. I have gotten more accustumed to acknowleging those funky washed out feelings and moving past them. I would suggest you go through your list of things that you do to help you connect with your body and the world.

One thing I have learned to use as an indicator of my inner self is how many headaches I get. I have trouble realizing exactly how much stress I am under until after I have a melt down. Lately I have learned to listen to the pain in my head. If it hurts then there is something that is simmering under the surface. The sooner I can pinpoint what it is the more likely I will be able to make it through without injuring myself.

In short, if it was me I would have to wonder if the dream was connected directly with the hidden (or not so hidden) stressor that is causing the migraines.
Carrie

To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueler then I've been to me.
I am sorry to myself, my apologies begin here before everybody else.
I am sorry to myself, for treating me worse then I would anybody else. --Alanis Moresette

[LadyDragus]

Thank you Zen.. I will defintly think about what you said.

and I will take it to heart.. I will re-respond if it works ok..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
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[(JD)]

Much good thinking here... I agree that it's probably an indication of frustration you are feeling about something! What helped you to stop before? Wishing you good.

Please research anything I suggest before believing...

[somebodyelse]

Lady D, I don't know if it's normal to feel sick when looking at the things with which you used to cut, but I do think it's a good thing. I think it's a means of protection against cutting.

I think that seeing someone at your school is a great idea. If you need more counseling than they are able to offer, or if you aren't satisfied with their services, don't give up hope on finding a good counselor that you can afford. My own counselor drops his fee once insurance is depleted and for people without any insurance.

Hang in there! ((((((((((Lady D))))))))))

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Carrie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I posted an APB for you awhile back, and I'm so glad that you surfaced. I've missed you.

Hope you are well.

xoxox

Mary Alice

[LadyDragus]

I wrote a new poem. concering the dreams..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[LadyDragus]

It has been so long since I have cut, I do not remember what i did to not think about it anymore..
I know stress is causing a great deal of it right now.. but there is not much I can do about it at the moment.. I am hoping it will all pass, with the new week getting over. and me falling into a pattern of how to do things for school and getting over the panic of going back again..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
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