I luv my T. I do. but she doesnt care about my binge and purge or SI. I only mention it like maybe 3 times a year even though its a daily thing with the b&p and montly at least with SI. so I'm not trying to blow it out of proportion. but even the few times i bring it up, she sort of just says thats where i am in therapy right now and its normal.

its so hard b/c all my life i have had ppl ignore the fact that i was hurting and it feels like that in therapy. its like im supposed to be vulnerable in therapy, although i rarely am, but when i do.. i dont get anythign back. I could never tell her that cuz i dont want to lose her or hurt her feelings. Its just that it sux that no one in the world it seems like cares when im starting to struggle. Shes never once asked how bad it is or even if i feel like its becoming to much of an issue.. nothing. I just want someone to care

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( esthersvirtue )))))))))))))

It shows what a kind person you are that you don't want to hurt your T's feelings. I know this is an old suggestion.... maybe write her a letter? Then you could phrase things exactly as you need to and be as diplomatic as possible Sorry you're struggling hon, we care here although I know it isn't the same

PM me if you would like to,
Fuzzy

therapists don't always focus on self injury because alot of times focusing on those cravings and urges makes the person want to do it even more. what happens when a person is told for example don't look up whats their first instinct? to look up. Self injury works the same way the more a therapist tries to force a client to look at what they are doing to themselves the more they think about doing it if for anything else but to prove to the therapist "you can't tell me what to do attitude".

Therapists know that the reason most people have these problems of doing Self harm behavior is because they don't have other coping skills to use under stress and triggers so the therapist instead focuses on teaching the client how to manage their day to day problems which in turn takes care of the self injury behavior.

Also therapists gear their sessions based on what each client needs and brings in to them. if the client does not bring up their self harm behavior then the therapist figures everything is fine in that area. They are not mind readers. they leave it up to the client to let them know what they want to work on. So basically if you want to talk more about your self harm behaviors you are going to need to bring up the topic when you want to talk about it. Therapists doing things this way isn't because they don't care it is because that is how they are trained - to focus on what the client brings into the room.

So basically if you want to talk more about your self harm behaviors you are going to need to bring up the topic when you want to talk about it and what you want her to help you with on that topic - do you want a list of facilities that work with self harm? do you want her to help you come up with other activities you can do instead? Right now she is following your lead you don't bring it up very often and have not voiced what you want and need from her so she is keeping her replies and actions to the general acceptance and actions until she knows where YOU want to take the topic and your behaviors.

LL from time to time checks in with me about it because I have already told her that is ok. that she won't know with in 24 hour time frame of any self injury behaviors because I know that if she did know of my self injury within that 24 hour time period she would have grounds to approach her supervisor for starting involuntary commitment process to a mental health unit. And I know that this agency follows the nation wide and this states mental health guidelines that anyone that is a danger to themself and or others must be arrested or referred to the local ER for an evaluation for involuntary commitment.

But like today when she aksed how my fight against self harm was going I admitted to her that ytea I still have those urges and still have some forms of self injury in my life. I was a bit evasive as to how long ago the last action was by saying I haven't cut in a year and a half and thats all that matters. and the last other self injury was a month or two ago. (Well technically it wasn't a whole month ago but hey september and october ARE two different months. just my wierd logic kicking in today in therapy. its been one of those days where from the get go. LOL. She asked if what I do right now was less severe then the cutting and I admitted to a "yea slightly" and she said thats progress and we wnet on to other topics what though I don't know because the static in my head got loud and I floated off, I vaguely remember her bringing up the house project to that is probably what the trigger was.

Anyway LL would not have brought my self injury stuff up if I hadn't previously told her it was ok that she checks in with me about it from time to time.

Talk with your therapist and let her know you want to talk about it more and what you need and want from her and most likely she will help you more on this topic.

thats the thing.. i do bring it up.. and tell her im concerned about it. but its sorta dismissed.

when the therapist passes it off say yea but this is what I need from you on this topic ....

Just bringing it up without a plan of what you want to happen once you bring it up will only get passing off.

Its kind of like bringing something up and then shrugging the shoulders oh well Im fine with it at the moment so..

Without knowing what you need a therapist can't give what you need to you you.

Kind of like my having a nightmare if I just kept saying "I didnt sleep last night I had a nightmare. thats cut and dry all the therapist can say to that is ok and go on to something else.

But when I say I had a nightmare last night. I have it every night and the pattern of it is this and I want to use relaxation visualizations techniques to try and figure out what is going on with this nightmare. Now the therapist has room to work with me on it - what time do you go to bed, how long do you sleep, why do you think the pattern that day and night is the hardest, yes I can work with you using relaxation visualizations....

Saying "I cut the other day". all a therapist can say to that is ok thats why you are in therapy for and wait for your next move. Form that moment on the balls in your court as to if you want to continue the conversation and in what direction you want to take it and what you need and want about this problem..

So the next time he drops the ball in your lap run with it say ok and talk your heart out letting your therapist know where you stand on the topic, what you have tried, what you want to try and what things you want him to help you with.

You wouldn't go into mcdonalds and say "I want a shake" and expect them to know what exactly you need.. you have to tell them I want a chocolate shake.. You are the consumer.. and are purchasing a service..

the same with therapy you are the consumer and need to be clear on what you want and need otherwise you are not going to get what you want and need.

i guess. i dont agree sorta. if my friend told me they were struggling.. i think my job is to mirror compassion and care. thats what i want from my T.

[ickydog2006]

My newest favorite quote I think has something to do with what you are feeling : "I can hear you whisper, but you can't even hear me screaming"

I wish I could help, but I don't know.

All I know to say is just keep hangin in there.

((((((((hugs)))))))))

[__zh]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
esthersvirtue said:
i guess. i dont agree sorta. if my friend told me they were struggling.. i think my job is to mirror compassion and care. thats what i want from my T.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

here's one answer to this......how about telling this above scenario to your T? your T cannot just know this is what you want or possibly need. if mirrored compassion and care are what you seek you need to specifically express that to your T.

hurting someone's feelings isn't what most strive to do but it would seem healthier in the long run to have someone feeling their toes were stepped on instead of months of ineffective therapy due to the lack of communication from client to T.

you have an ability to share what is going on with you in ways that communicate quite well your issues at hand. often one is their own worst stumbling block when it comes to forward progression because of one's focus on the other person's feelings INSTEAD of one's OWN feelings.

hope you are able to find a solution that works for you and helps you.

how about printing off this thread and giving it to your therapist. you are doing a great job explaining your needs and wants here. by giving it to your therapist you won't have totell her and she doesnt have to worry about trying to be a mind reader because you might have trouble explaining it to him/her.

[Fuzzybear]

"I could never tell her that cuz I dont want to lose her or hurt her feelings".

Been there. In the end the relationship is likely to be redundant if you don't get past this fear. Not meaning to be harsh..... you do need to learn to speak up for YOUR needs... in a direct manner..... while not losing your compassion for others that some do lack. It's a tricky balance to attain, and one that I am also working on.

Good luck!!
Fuzzy

i dunno.. i think i've just been too down lately to start any friction with my T. I guess i was just looking for some support.

[Fuzzybear]

Maybe wait a bit, and when you're feeling a bit stronger, print out the thread and show it to your T. Remind me of how long you've been seeing this T? Only if ok
((( EV )))

maybe a year and a half now.

[dalila]

<font color=" green">My therapist doesn't usually say a lot about si. We have talked about it in depth a few times but mostly she is very low key about it. She feels that too much emphasis is counter productive. We tend to talk about the issues around the si instead of the si itself.

For me this has been effective, the times we spent more time on the si, I found I wanted to do it that much more. I suppose if your therapists's speciality is not si , she will feel much as mine does. It is part of the whole but not the focus.

Helping me become stronger and healthier is more important for us. I am doing well in resisting but still have times that I slip.

I have to agree with the others that just bringing it up bare can lead to your therapist moving on instead of dealing with it. Perhaps you could say you would like some ideals of how to deal with the urges.</font>

[inpieces]

...I've seen both sides of the spectrum....I had a therapist that wrote up and we both signed a contract that if I did any si, our therapy would be terminated....Well....you can probably guess what came of that....i did, therapy with him was over though we did come to work together a few years down the road...he was just getting his feet wet when he drew up the contract...didn't believe in what was going on inside of me (dissociation)....he was a changed person when I began working with him again & I guess I forgave him,though when I breached the contract, so to speak, I felt sooo abandoned.....

I am so fortunate to be working with a very compassionate, caring therapist at this point in time....she doesn't routinely ask me about si but, she doesn't have to because I know that I can tell her upfront and it will be taken in stride for what it is...an expressison of deep pain and self-hatred, and rage, and despair...and any multitude of other things that si can symbolize and means for you....she doesn't over-react but doesn't shun or shame me either...I think you should broach the subject with your therapist at the very least to gague how such information will be received...I guess I believe that there are times when realistically, an act of self-injury is the only voice you can muster...not ever an excuse to replace spoken words or written ones or painting or whatever conveys your inner emotional landscape best...not an excuse just a reality....I think a therapist should be helped to see that reality... and they are only human and in agreeance with what was previously expressed, they can't read your mind(s)......
I say give your thearapist a chance....I'd love to know the reaction you receive...
Sorry you're struggling.....Hang in & Hang on....
Take Care...
--Angie--

[JonB]

I agree - you've got to ask for what you want. It might be hard to do, but it's the best way to get it. I was feeling bad about asking T for more frequent visits, but whan I did all he said was "ok. what days do you want to come in." All it took was me saying what I wanted. Try it. You can do it.
Jon

[Monty_girl]

I've had a T in the past that didn't pay any attention to the Si'ing. His thought on it was that if he doesn't say anything about it and ignored it that it wouldn't happen as much. Kind of like it wouldn't happen as much if he didn't make a big issue of it. It really didn't make a difference in how often the Si happened, it just made it so that I hid it from him. Which didn't help anything. I just ended up hiding more things from him. So our therapy together really didn't go as far as I thought it could of.

For the T I have now I sign a contract. But in the contract I let him know if it's happened. So if it happens I'll make contact with him and let him know things are bad enough that the Si is happening. My T's thinking I have now is that it's a way of coping. I haven't learned yet how to cope well enough yet to not Si and we work at changing that. Since I'm not having to hide this, it's made for a more open and trusting therapy relationship.

I understand that for some T's Si'ing is just not tolerated. But I think that it's an issue that needs to be worked on in T. If it's a big enough issue for you and something you want to change and work on I think it needs to be openly talked about between you and your T. Think you have to let your T know that this is an important issue for you and something not to me ignored. Because isn't this why we are in therapy for in the first place, because of things like Si?

This is just my thought on this issue.