It's not that bad... I keep telling myself that

I have gotten worse with SIing. Thankfully my T can't legally tell my mom about it, but I still feel like I can't put my whole trust in her anymore, just because she brought up the idea of telling my mom.

TRIGGER WARNING
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When I SI, I just tell myself to fight the pain. The more pain I can fight physically, the stronger I am emotionally. Because of this, my cuts have gotten deeper but are not dangerous... yet. The biggest problem I have is that I don't want to stop. Why should I? I have tried other coping skills but nothing can beat this feeling.

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I am worried about myself, but as always, I pull through... just to do it again.

Secretgalaxy, sorry to hear you have been suffering from thoughts of self harm. Many people with these kinds of thoughts also see a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis and meds. Staying on the meds keeps them on a balanced, grounded place. If the meds do not keep you stable, it is best to let your psychiatrist know as soon as possible so adjustments are possible.

Having a safety plan is important according to many doctors
http://psychcentral.com/search/?Matc...y+plan&x=0&y=0

Some people at PC will find a therapist will also help them sort out the roots of their life.

Getting sleep may be the single one thing that keeps me in balance. If you are not sleeping or having bad side affects, contact your doctor or psychiatrist and tell them what is happening so you can make adjustments.

Many people find compassionate, caring people here at PC. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share

Secret Galaxy

Have you told the therapist that you don't trust her as much as u want to because of her reaction?

She probably did not intend to hurt u like she did and if u tell her how yr feeling, she might explain her reaction in a way that helps u feel better about it.

If she's any good you should be able to sort out ur lack of trust so that you can either tell her how much u fear getting more out of control, or "sack her" and find a new one.

You can't go forward if u don't trust her, and u need a good relationship!

Regards

FT

Thanks for putting so much information! I'll definitely read the safety plan link.

I am not just having thoughts I actually relapsed unfortunately.

I had a Pdoc, but stopped seeing him as he couldn't fix the mania I was in because of my meds. And I have been diagnosed with depression. I went off meds and was okay for a while, but now I have slipped back into another depression.

I also have a therapist but just started with her after terminating with my other one, so our relationship is pretty new. I like her but at the same time, I don't have much trust for her yet. Plus she is young and doesn't fully get how to help me. Maybe it's because she doesn't know me well.

I have been sleeping alright, roughly 4-6 hours, which is good for me. I use to get .5-1 hour a night about a month ago. And it's getting better thankfully!

What exactly happened was that she forgot that I had just turned 18 and when I told her I relapsed, she was very firm about telling my mom. I explained to her that, now that I'm 18, I don't believe she can. So she talked to her supervisor to ask if she still could, and the answer was no, but it bothered me. She explained her reasoning and I get it, but I just don't like that she had to ask her supervisor. She explained to me the reasons she would have to tell my mom anything (suicidal or homicidal thoughts) and I understood why for those. Overall, I feel like I will trust her eventually, but the way I build trust is off of reactions, so if someone reacts too strongly, I am cautious with them naturally.

Tell her all this stuff!
She's young and needs to learn about how she reacts!
She might just learn something from you! The best therapists do!

Okay, I'll try to mention that to her. She isn't a bad therapist at all, but I'm just used to someone older and who specializes with teens and young adults who have been in DV. She works mostly for teens and though I just feel she's too young, I want to give her a chance.

It helps me to think of my body as my baby. You wouldn't cut, scratch, burn, hurt your baby would you? So why your body?

Thank you for the idea.

Sometimes, the hatred I have for myself over rides any thoughts or beliefs of being innocent or child-like.