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#1
May 26, 2016, 12:57 PM
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I haven't SI'd in over 5 years. Over the years, I've had passing thoughts of si, but nothing I couldn't dismiss relatively easily. Today is different. I'm trying to get sober, and today is my first day of detox, so I'm feeling sick and really emotional. I'm having very strong urges to SI because I know it would relieve the emotional intensity I'm feeling.
But I'm not going to. I refuse to go back there, since who knows how long it would take me to stop again, once I opened that door. It's just really frustrating that the thoughts are so strong, after so many years of being free from SI. splitimage
__________________
 "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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 Anonymous48850, notz, Takeshi, thesnowqueen
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 Takeshi
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#2
May 26, 2016, 01:42 PM
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I guess it makes sense why you're getting such intense urges right now, si is also an addiction and I guess now that you're trying to cut out the drink you're looking to something else to help manage how you feel.
Try to stay strong, these urges will settle in time and beccome easier to handle. Have you ever tried flicking elastic bands on your wrist or squeezing ice cubes etc? Might help to calm things a bit without actually giving in to si 
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#3
May 26, 2016, 05:01 PM
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Thanks HalloweenSkye,
Icecubes or elastic bands never ever really worked for me. My ultimate go to, must not SI trick, is drawing on my arm in a geometric pattern, that I would normally cut. Somehow focussing on the design, gives me relief and gets me through the urge. Fortunately the urge has largely passed with the day. splitimage
__________________
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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| Anonymous37901, notz
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#4
May 30, 2016, 10:20 PM
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Splitimage,
Drawing on myself was a good replacement therapy for me too. It's funny how we can go so long without even thinking of SH, and then something happens and we just HAVE to do it...I hope you are able to get through this time without a relapse. I have been almost 11 months without SH, and what was funny was the first 10 months were pretty easy but something happened at 10 months where all of a sudden I was sure I was going to relapse. But with the help of the people on this site I made it and in two days it will be 11 months. Yay. You've made it 5 years. You can keep it going. Seesaw
__________________
 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#5
May 31, 2016, 06:37 AM
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Thanks Seesaw,
Yes, I did make it through without relapsing. I'm just so determined I don't want to start over, since I don't know if I'll be able to stop again. It was really hard but I made it through. splitimage
__________________
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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| notz
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| notz
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#6
Jun 02, 2016, 12:37 PM
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Kudos for you splitimage for making it through without relapsing. I decided to stop a little over 5 years ago and it didn't stop immediately but frequency decreased and eventually stopped. But a little over a month ago I relapsed with some mild SH and last week I relapsed with cutting so I have a lot of respect for you. Im in full of self hatred for throwing away all my effort over the years to stop and that is making it difficult to stop again further. So stay strong 👏
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| notz, thesnowqueen
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#7
Jun 02, 2016, 01:02 PM
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Good for you, splitimage. Proud of you for hanging on!
Seesaw Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#8
Jun 03, 2016, 04:25 AM
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Conscience,
I don't believe you're thrown anything away - you still have that SI free time, and you had a slip - it happens. Can you try looking at it as a mistake as opposed to a full blown catastrophe - that might help you to stop beating yourself up. You have the skills to not SI, now's the time to really use them. You can definitely stop again. Seesaw-thanks.
__________________
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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#9
Jun 03, 2016, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
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| thesnowqueen
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#10
Jun 03, 2016, 11:05 AM
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5 yrs is a long time, y'all lived through it, and have become wiser. People that knows you, that you don't also spent the same amount of time, being there to help each other out. That's what one might say a ray of hope. All the best.
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#11
Jun 03, 2016, 12:14 PM
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Relapse is part of recovery. Rely on your coping strategies. It was just a slip up, you can go back to being SH free again.
Don't beat yourself up about it. Seesaw Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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