[insecurity]

Apparently, I am selfish. I think of no one but myself. If I thought about my husband or family, I wouldn’t cut myself. My husband has decided he wants to choose to be “ignorant” and blind to my actions. As long as he ignores it then he doesn’t have to acknowledge what is going on. He has decided that is how he will handle all of this. According to him if I loved him and the kids I would just stop. There is nothing wrong with me other than just being completely selfish. He says I have the ability to just choose to stop and that I make the choice to do this.

Maybe he’s right. I guess I am being selfish. I should be able to just stop for him and my family. I am weak for not being able to just stop. It is a choice. If I loved them then I would stop no questions asked.

I am tired of making promises to everyone. I am tired of having to keep promises and then failing. Easier not to make them. Then I don’t let anyone down. No one expects anything then. I can do as I please and no one can hold me accountable. If I am going to be a %#@&#! up in my husband’s eyes then I am tired of trying to correct the situation. Life would just be easier if I could remain in a constant state of numb and not have to care or feel. It was easier when I didn’t have to feel anything. Hiding everything inside made things less complicated.

Where does this leave me? Where do I go from here? I’m feeling backed into a corner. Starting to want to escape he who situation but how do I get out?

insecurity

[Christina86]

(((((((insecurity)))))))))))))

I'm sorry your husband thinks that way. Unfortunately its not as easy as 'just stopping'. It's an addiction, and it's hard to stop because it is used as a coping mechanism. Has your husband read any books on self-injury, or are you in counselling? Either of those might be a good start to having him understand what's going on with you, and for you to get to the root of why you self-injure.

People who see us from the outside don't understand the behaviour, but you've found some people who understand here.

No, you're not selfish.

Hope that helps some. Be easy on yourself.

[sujunew]

(((((insecurity)))))
my ex used to feel the same way. It was just that he didn't understand it and he didn't want to. In fact he used it against me many times; after a fight when I was feeling really low and teary he would tell me that I might as well just go hurt myself (and worse).
It can be so damaging to not have support from your loved one, and so lonely. You are lucky you have found such a supportive community here where ppl understand your struggle adn do not judge.
You are not selfish. As Christina said it is an addiction and a coping mechanism. It is not a choice. I do not CHOOSE to hurt myself...it is something I do NOT want to do, but it happens when things get rough.
Please take care of yourself. Good luck.

[bipolar_bear]

I am sorry your husband does not understand your SI. You are not selfish. You are trying to cope with what you have and SI is one of those mechanisms. It is a very addicting behavior and one that is hard to stop. Have you ever gone to talk to someone about stopping your SI? Sometimes it helps to have someone help think through alternatives. Please don't punish yourself for using something that has helped you deal with strong feelings. I am glad you have found us and hope we help provide some support you are looking for.

BB

[Cthomas]

My husband too thinks love should conquer all.but it won't or wed all be cured. I remember when I told my mom and she said for petes sake sterilize whatever you use. Oh and I love you.....I was like WHA??????

You are not sewlfish nor are any of us. Because of bad circumstances in our lives we HAVE to put ourselves first and keep calm right. If that's selfish then count me in......

Don't think that way.....were here to help you. Try to smile today as you deserve it

Colleen

[splitimage]

You are not selfish. SI is a powerful coping mechanism that works because it works. If we could all just stop, I think most of us would. But it's not that simple. If you could get your husband to read a book, and you think it might help, I would highly reccomend Healing the Hurt within by Jan Sutton.. I had to order it off of Amazon.uk's site but it was worth it. It does an excellent job of explaining self injury. I'd also suggest getting a therapist who is used to working with people who si, if you can afford it. Stopping for me, meant learning to identify the feelings that were underneath the si and developing healthier coping alternatives. Therapy helped me to do that.

Good luck, and take care of yourself.

splitimage

[Perna]

Yes, you are selfish; you are doing your best to take care of yourself and that is wonderful! We can learn better ways to do that besides the ways we picked earlier in our lives when we didn't have many choices. Like bipolar bear asked, do you have a therapist to help you with your stresses and the SI?

[selfy]

people assume being selfish is bad. humans are only selfless when they can be, because were such an unthreatened species that we can afford to be. but sometimes wo gotta be selfish to keep ourself sane. so dont feel bad.
tc
dot

[selfy]

ill remind u thohon, that he hasnt got a clue of why you do it. no frigging idea. so he is not the one to judge.

[Rapunzel]

Everything we do has a purpose, and we don't do this to hurt the people who love us. If you can figure out how SI helps you, you might be able to find other ways to get your needs met. But it almost always takes help to do that. It takes a lot of support. Change is scary, and there are pretty powerful reasons that create the need to cope this way. If you could just stop, just like that, don't you think you would have done that already?

[bchlyn]

when i was little i used si to deflect from the abuse... when i was a teen i learned that it calmed me... when i was a young adult... it helped me step away from myself... to be me at a distance... now it's all of the above... i am not sure that is selfish as much as self preservation... i know that in a really warped way... the reason i am still here...is because si has helped keep me from getting stuck in that really dark place... now, i have to find new ways to cope... i am working on it... but, it isn't about loving my family... or even myself...it isn't because i don't care enough... and if i just pretend it isn't there... then i don't look at what is going on to cause me to "need" to cut... i hope that helps you...lyn

[BalishBun]

everyone can use the playing card "if you love me then you wouldnt do it". Its just not that simple.

[insecurity]

Thanks for the replies. I am working with a T to sort through things.

devox

[bchlyn]

how are you doing today?

[Epiphany]

You are not in the least bit selfish! Self harm isn't a choice! And if the time comes that you feel you need to seek help to stop it that should be for your benifit, not anyone elses. Maybe your husband should be more understanding.

[timeforsleep]

People label the depressed, suicidal, and self-harmers as selfish because they cannot accept that people can suffer that much. They are the ones who are weak. Not you.

[bchlyn]

how are you?

[Irine]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
timeforsleep said:
People label the depressed, suicidal, and self-harmers as selfish because they cannot accept that people can suffer that much. They are the ones who are weak. Not you.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

agreed!

The real quesiton is how is it FOR YOU
not for your husband. HE is being selfish...not you.,
the point is that some people like family members DO miss this point because they are not objective and say "i can`t see you like his" and "please adjust your atitude" "try once again" "do it for me you love me don`t you?"

so now your husband has this judgmental manipulation over you...and seems like he has success- for you agree with him

Does it make you feel better?

Know this - judgment is NEVER objective - that`s to say -never obsolutly correct.